Posted on 01/13/2012 4:40:35 PM PST by A'elian' nation
Breaking News - Roger Goodell has just announced that the Denver Broncos will only have ten men in the lineup in tomorrow’s playoff game with the New England Patriots. Goodell says that 43% of the public believes that God is helping Tebow. That being the case, Goodell has declared God as Denver’s eleventh player on the field. Not only is this shattering news just breaking, but NFL headquarters has released a transcript of the top level meeting between Goodell, Robert Kraft of the New England Patriots, and John Elway of the Denver Broncos.
Transcript follows:
Kraft: Look Roger, there is something fundamentally unfair when our team has to compete against not only all the players on the Bronco’s bench but God Almighty too !
Elway: Now, Bob, don’t get over dramatic. Aren’t you just being a bit ridiculous?
Kraft: Ridiculous? You call 316 passing yards ridiculous? 31.6 average yards per toss ridiculous? The HailMaryious Pass ridiculous? The Mile High Halo ridiculous? There is something more than just strange coincidences going on here.
Goodell: What are you suggesting we do here, Bob?
Kraft: I want you to take one man out of their lineup. It’s only fair.
Elway: What! So God is only equal to one ignoramus football player? Why not just put Tebow out there all by himself?
Kraft: Well, he needs someone to hike him the ball.
Elway: How about someone to catch it?
Kraft: Ok, we’ll give you Eric Decker.
Elway: He’s got a busted knee, you idiot!
Kraft: What, Tebow doesn’t do Laying on of Hands?
Goodell: Ok, break it up. I know it’s my responsibility to have a fair game tomorrow. The last thing I want is another Immaculate Reception. I still haven’t gotten over the Miracle at the Meadowlands, or the Helmet Catch, Frank Reich’s miracle comebacks - twice mind you, Staubach’s Hail Mary, the Music City Miracle, The Catch, and, oh my God, then there was The Drive! Look John, you got to admit there have been some strange happenings for the Broncos.
Elway: You’re calling The Drive miraculous? You sorry ass, I worked my butt off . . .
Goodell: Ok Ok. But I had $10,000 on the Cleveland Browns in that game. I got to do something about these miracles. It’s fundamentally unfair. I’m taking one man out of your lineup, John, and drafting God.
Elway: But the game isn’t even on a Sunday! He might have other plans on a Saturday night.
Goodell: That’s my ruling. If you don’t like it take it to the Supreme Court.
Elway: Which One ?
Weak.
Can be done by amateurs, but best left to professionals.
Nicely done!
Yep. That there satire thing is tough to do. LOL!
It is fun rooting for Tebow. He isn’t ‘playin wit dee Ho’s,’ smoking crack, shooting heroin, beating up old ladies, shoplifting, committing armed robbery and swearing a blue streak while being interviewed.
baloney - how can you have a top level meeting without God presiding?
I recall from the forties, my FB team from a podunk town playing a big Catholic school in nearby city. We are out there against these monsters looking at the sidelines lines full of priests and nuns hollering and hooting for their guys. Our coach complained that he had agreed to play eleven at a time. The refs did clear some out, but it was not good. They killed us and broke the leg of our only star player. Such is life!
baloney - how can you have a top level meeting without God presiding?
I recall from the forties, my FB team from a podunk town playing a big Catholic school in nearby city. We are out there against these monsters looking at the sidelines lines full of priests and nuns hollering and hooting for their guys. Our coach complained that he had agreed to play eleven at a time. The refs did clear some out, but it was not good. They killed us and broke the leg of our only star player. Such is life!
“NFL limits Broncos to a 10 man lineup.”
God reinstates Tebow’s full force lineup and promises punishing high winds DURING Sat night’s game nullifying any possible Pats passing advantage.
Breaking News: Weathercast now confirms it.
From what I’ve seen of Denver games, God generally doesn’t take the field until the final 3 minutes of the game.
I don’t believe God helps Tebow any more than any other player.
But a thank you doesn’t hurt.
The Patriots are gonna KILL the Broncos.
Maybe if Emmitt Smith could be reincarnated from his prime and put into their backfield, they’d have a chance.
I’m rooting for the meteor.
Cheatroits/Donkeys?
Smite! Smite!
-——It is fun rooting for Tebow. He isn’t ‘playin wit dee Ho’s,’ smoking crack, shooting heroin, beating up old ladies, shoplifting, committing armed robbery and swearing a blue streak while being interviewed.——
....and to boot.....he speaks a version of the English language I can understand....
Techniqually God is three personalities in one so the Bronco’s should be limited to 9 human players.
My pastor, who says he has a “personal relationship with Jesus”, and so he’d know first hand, is betting on the Broncos.
You have obviously never seen Brady play in bad weather. Take the Pats, give the 13&1/2, money in the bank.
Dear Lord, I know you probably couldnt care less about who wins or loses in football, or any other sport for that matter, but please let the Broncos beat the Patriots just so I can see the looks on the Tebow haters faces. Thanks.
p.s. A little help for the Texans would be nice to, while you are at it. Thanks and Amen
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