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Posted on 05/31/2011 10:41:31 PM PDT by JustAmy
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Yes, I am really happy with the report. God has really blessed me. Its almost unreal to me.
I walked into a coffee shop to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform.
“I’m assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?” I asked.
The waitress responded proudly, “I’m self-absorbed.”
“History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.”
~B.C. Forbes
“Normal Life”
“Normal” is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.
Wanna be normal??
“Vacation is a two-week-long experience where money and time race against each other until both are totally exhausted.”
Stealing Dresses
Judge: “You admit breaking into the dress shop four times?”
Defendant: “Yes, your honor.”
Judge: “What did you steal?”
Defendant: “A dress, Your Honor.”
Judge: “One dress? And yet you admit breaking in four times!”
Defendant: “Well, your Honor, you see the first three times my wife didn’t like the color.”
Big Date
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?”
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.
“I was totally humiliated,” he moaned. “She insisted on washing the dishes.”
“What’s wrong with that?” asked his mother. “I think it’s a wonderful gesture.”
“We hadn’t started eating yet.”
“I am with you, declares the Lord.”
- Haggai 1:13
I was having lunch with friends the other day, when one of them referred to an event in his life as providential. “We all have those watershed moments,” one of the guys responded, and we all agreed.
I shared one such experience that took place while I was in the Army. After basic training it was discovered that I could type, so the military made me a clerk-typist (never mind that I had written for newspapers while in high school and college) and sent me to Hawaii for a year and a half of service. On our way to the islands, three buddies and I were waiting at a bus stop outside San Francisco.
“Shipping out?” a sergeant standing nearby asked. I answered that we were going to Hawaii. That was his last stop, he told us, inquiring about our assignments. When I told him that the Army had turned me from a writer to a typist, he laughed and told me that he was a newspaper editor
“When you get to Hawaii, call this number. Tell him the Gray Fox sent you.” I took down the number but doubted anything would come of it. I was wrong. That “chance” meeting at a bus stop and my subsequent phone call produced a writing job that suited my skills to a T and changed my whole time in the service. Providential? I think so.
Teach us, Lord, to trust Your hidden hand, leading in ways we may not understand.
Fred Bauer
TWO KINDS OF FRIENDS
(Author Unknown)
A simple friend stands by you when you are right. A real friend stands by you even when you are wrong.
A simple friend identifies himself when he calls. A real friend doesn’t have to.
A simple friend opens a conversation with a full news bulletin on his life. A real friend says, “What’s new with you?”
A simple friend thinks the problems you whine about are recent. A real friend says, “You’ve been whining about the same thing for 14 years. Get off your duff and do something about it.”
A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn’t know your parents’ first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend knows that it’s not a friendship until after you’ve had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you.
Until the day I was found, I didn’t know I was lost. I was going about business as usual, moving from task to task, distraction to distraction. But then I received an e-mail with the heading: “I think you’re my cousin.” As I read my cousin’s message, I learned that she and another cousin had been searching for my branch of the family for nearly 10 years. The other cousin promised her father, shortly before he died, that she would find his family.
I hadn’t done anything to get lost, and I didn’t have to do anything to be found except acknowledge that I was the person they had been looking for. Learning that they had spent so much time and energy searching for our family made me feel special.
This led me to think about the “lost and found” parables of Luke 15—the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the lost son. Whenever we wander away from God, whether intentionally like the prodigal son or unintentionally like the sheep, God looks for us. Even though we may not “feel” lost, if we have no relationship with God, we are. To be found, we need to realize that God is looking for us (Luke 19:10) and admit that we are separated from Him. By giving up our waywardness, we can be reunited with Him and restored to His family.
Read: Luke 15:1-10
At my age I can’t harley believe how good the Drs. report is. Thank you all for your prayers. Thank you God for blessing me. I will try do Your will.
“Cosmetics are a woman’s way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.”
“Great Exercise Program”
Here’s the exercise program I’m using to stay in shape this year. You might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.
AS ALWAYS, CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE STARTING ANY EXERCISE PROGRAM!
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Okay, that’s enough for the first day! -whew-
“Good Vocabulary”
Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young charges, “Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life.”
From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small male voice chanting, “Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.”
Trouble with R’s
A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ‘’R,’’ and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: ‘’Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.’’ In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.
The boy nervously eyed his classmates—many of them already laughing at him—then replied, ‘’Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn’t cooked enough.’’
Wonderful quotes. True! True.
Thank you, Just Amy, for posting them.
Thank you Mayor for today’s devotional.
Luke 15:1-10
King James Version (KJV)
“
1.Then drew near unto him all the publicans and sinners for to hear him.
2.And the Pharisees and scribes murmured, saying, This man receiveth sinners, and eateth with them.
3.And he spake this parable unto them, saying,
4.What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?
5.And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.
6.And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.
7.I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
8.Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it?
9.And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost.
10.Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.”
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