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Posted on 04/30/2011 10:02:07 PM PDT by JustAmy
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To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Skip down the street Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
3. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
4. Sing Along At The Opera.
5. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ‘I Won! I Won!’
6. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Car Park, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!’
7. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To The Economy, We are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’
Some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
1 * Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4 * Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
5 * If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8 * Never buy a car you can’t push.
9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on..
10 * Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
11 * Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.
13 * When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box .
18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
* * * * Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today ! ! !
Be yourself.... Everyone else is already taken!
Top Ten Reasons
Cats Are Better Than Men!
1. Cats don’t golf every Saturday.
2. Cats won’t say an outfit makes you look fat.
3. Cats aren’t interested in microbrews. (what is that anyway?)
4. Cats don’t golf on Sunday either.
5. Cats treat your mom with respect.
6. Cats don’t leave the seat up.
7. Cats aren’t afraid of commitment.
8. Cats don’t think the Three Stooges are funny.
9. Cats don’t need constant attention.
10. Cats don’t worry about hair loss.
But the top reason cats are better than men...............
Cats can be neutered if they stray!
Older Than Dirt Quiz :
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.
1.Candy cigarettes
2.Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
3.Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5.Newsreels before the movie
6.TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels )
7.Peashooters
8. Howdy Doody
9. 45 RPM records
10.Hi-fi’s
11. Metal ice trays with lever
12. Blue flashbulb
13.Cork popguns
14. Studebakers
15. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-3 = You’re still young If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don’t tell your age, If you remembered 11-15 =You’re older than dirt!
I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.
These are actual notes left for the Milkman
After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation.
For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.
"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested.
Upper Room
Grandmother God
Suggested Bible Reading
Praise the LORD! Sing to the LORD a new song, his praise in the assembly of the faithful.
Let Israel be glad in its Maker; let the children of Zion rejoice in their King. Let them praise his name with dancing, making melody to him with tambourine and lyre.
For the LORD takes pleasure in his people; he adorns the humble with victory. Let the faithful exult in glory; let them sing for joy on their couches.
-Psalm 149:1-5 (NRSV)
Today’s Scripture
The Lord takes delight in his people.
-Psalm 149:4 (NIV)
MY grandmother was the kind of grandparent children wish for. Although we never lived close to her, she came to visit often, arriving in a cloud of lavender perfume, with cinnamon drops tucked into her pockets. As soon as she settled into the guest room, I would approach her with the big jar of buttons that my mother kept by the sewing basket. I loved to sort them into piles and to set them out in patterns as my grandmother sat beside me on the bed, patiently watching and commenting. I remember thinking how lucky I was to have a grandmother who loved buttons as much as I did. Of course, now I realize that she didn’t love the buttons; she loved me.
In my memory of my grandmother is a beautiful image of God. Often, I feel God draw near, not because God is particularly interested in what I am doing but because God is interested in me and what I love. The Creator of the universe chooses to share my simple joys because this amazing God delights in me.
Cynthia Clarke (New York, USA)
Prayer
Dear God, help us to grasp the depth of your love for us. Let us sense the times that you draw near, and lead us to bring you delight. Amen.
Thought for the Day
Write a note to someone who has shown God to you.
Prayer Focus
Grandparents
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and brats.
In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped Miller Lite.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.
Carol Price writes, “During my third year as a speaker, giving seminars all
over the country, I was driving into Wheeling, West Virginia, to teach a class
on self-esteem to 150 women.
My background includes being raised by a mother and grandmother who took
great pains to teach me that families take care of one another no matter
what. I knew I could always count on them when I was in trouble, and they
knew they could do the same.
I was driving faster than I should have been because I desperately wanted
to make it to Wheeling before the severe rains that had been predicted
began to fall.
As I saw the sign telling me Wheeling was eight miles away, I speeded up
even a bit more, even though a few raindrops had just begun to fall.
With no warning, I heard a boom – not too loud, but loud enough to know it
wasn’t a good sound. When I turned off the radio to further evaluate the
sound, it became clear I had a tire problem: probably a flat. I slowed
down, knowing from high school driver’s education not to brake hard, but
knowing still that I needed to get off the road for my safety.
On the side of the road, I looked around, saw nothing but rugged hills, a
six-lane highway and very fast traffic. I locked the door, to be safe,
and tried to figure out what to do. I did not have a cellular phone, as
they were not that common many years ago.
Every story I had ever heard about women having bad experiences on the
side of the road in strange cities ran through my mind like a movie reel,
and I tried to decide if I would be safer staying with the car or walking
to the next exit. It was beginning to get dark, and I truly was becoming
afraid.
My grandmother taught me as a very little girl that things work out if you
keep your head about you, and I was trying very hard to do just that.
At that very moment, a large semi passed very fast on my left, causing my
car to shudder, and I saw that the directional light was on, indicating he
was pulling over in front of me. I could hear his brakes squeal, as he
was braking fast and hard.
I again thought, Am I safer or in more danger? I could see the truck as
it slowly backed up on the shoulder of the road and decided that to be
very safe, I would take a precaution I had seen in a movie. I took out a
pad in my briefcase and wrote down the name of the trucking company and
the Ohio license number, as they both were visible from my car. I put the
pad with this information under the driver’s seat just in case!
Even though it was now raining quite hard, the driver came running back
from the truck to my car and said through my window that I had opened only
three inches, that he had seen the tire blow and would be glad to change
it. He asked for the car keys to get into the trunk; and although I knew
I was about to lose all my safety precautions, it seemed to be my best
choice. I gave him the keys. He changed the tire and gave me back the
keys. I asked him through the three-inch opening in the window if I could
pay him for his kindness. He said, “We drivers in Ohio believe in taking
care of women in trouble on the highway.”
I then asked him for the name of his boss so I could send him or her a
letter relaying how wonderful he had been. He laughed a very odd laugh
and gave me the name of his boss, a woman, and his card, which had the
name of the trucking company, the address and the phone number. I thanked
him again, and the now soaking-wet man ran back to the truck. Gratefully,
I went on to Wheeling to present my seminar.
Upon returning to Florida, I had a T-shirt made for this man that showed
an angel in a truck with the words printed across the picture, “Highway
Hero,” and sent it to the address on the card.
It came back, addressee unknown.
I called the number on the card and got a recording saying no such number
existed. I called the city newspaper for that town, asked for the editor,
explained the dilemma and asked that a letter to the editor be placed in
the paper thanking the driver. The editor, who had lived there all his
life, said there was no such company in that city. He further
investigated and called me back and said there was no such business
registered in Ohio.
The editor went one step further. He called the state motor vehicle
bureau to ask about the license and was told no such plate had ever been
issued.
The upshot is that this man, his truck and the company never existed, the
“rescue” never happened and I must have been dreaming.
But I know I wasn’t.”
In a radio interview, a basketball superstar was asked about his knack for making the game-winning shot in crucial situations. The reporter asked how he was able to be so calm in such pressure-packed moments. His answer was that he tried to simplify the situation. “You only have to make one shot,” the player replied. One shot. That is the essence of simplifying a difficult situation. Focus only on what is in front of you right now. Don’t worry about the expectations of your coach or teammates. Simplify.
Recognizing that the challenges of life can be both overwhelming and suffocating, Jesus urged us to take matters in hand by simplifying. He said, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Matt. 6:34). This was His wise conclusion to His teaching on the debilitating power of worry. Worry doesn’t accomplish anything positive; it just adds to the sense that we are drowning in the troubles we are facing. We must take things as they come—one day at a time—and trust Him for the wisdom to respond properly.
If you feel overwhelmed by life, do what you can today and then entrust the rest to Him. As Jesus said, “Each day has enough trouble of its own” (niv).
Read: Matthew 6:25-34
I need to remember this.
So do I and most of us have to.
Lord, please send Your angels to be with all of the people effected by the storms and family and friends that love them. You know who they all are. Lord, please give peace and comfort to those that hurt right now and who have very heavy hearts.
Good ones, Dubya! Wow!
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