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Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
CNET UK ^ | 4/1/2010 | Nick Hide

Posted on 04/05/2010 10:24:30 AM PDT by Sax

A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.

The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.

Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.

Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."

This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.

Professor Brian Cox, a former CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."

Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Science
KEYWORDS: aprilfools; callingartbell; collider; hadron; lhc; likelystories; napl; stringtheory; timetravel; timetraveller; timetunnel; zeusesbutthole
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To: Sax
Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.

LOL!!!

21 posted on 04/05/2010 10:34:43 AM PDT by mlocher (USA is a sovereign nation)
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To: Sax
"Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender."

Mr. Fusion?
22 posted on 04/05/2010 10:34:51 AM PDT by Jack Hydrazine
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To: Sax

Thats the whole problem, even if he was from the future no one would beleive him.


23 posted on 04/05/2010 10:34:55 AM PDT by culpeper (He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people,)
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To: Sax

K-PAX is back again?


24 posted on 04/05/2010 10:35:42 AM PDT by sniper63 (Bang,Bang, Maxwell's Silver hammer........)
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To: astyanax

that’s good!


25 posted on 04/05/2010 10:36:58 AM PDT by Hegewisch Dupa
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To: NorCoGOP
Can they tweak their control panel and cause another ripple in time that prevents Obama from being elected and destroying the United States?

If only. But according to the article we all will live in a "communist chocolate hellhole".

OBAMA = One Big Ass Mistake, America.

26 posted on 04/05/2010 10:37:08 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd
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To: newnhdad

Heh. I wondered if anyone would catch it.


27 posted on 04/05/2010 10:37:13 AM PDT by Ronin
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To: Sax
The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."

LOL! Anything that gets me to grin is worthy of quoting today.

28 posted on 04/05/2010 10:37:18 AM PDT by Cold Heat
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To: Sax

“How can you be in two places at once, when you’re not anywhere at all....”


29 posted on 04/05/2010 10:38:47 AM PDT by RckyRaCoCo
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To: Sax
Was he looking for this kid?


30 posted on 04/05/2010 10:39:33 AM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: Sax

SnakeDoc

31 posted on 04/05/2010 10:39:38 AM PDT by SnakeDoctor ("The world will know that free men stood against a tyrant ... that even a god-king can bleed." - 300)
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To: Responsibility2nd
This guy just showed up to see if he could use that Haywood Collision Device thingy for a moment.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

32 posted on 04/05/2010 10:40:40 AM PDT by Sax
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To: Sax
Eloi Cole was only escaping back in time from the Morlocks.

FMCDH(BITS)

33 posted on 04/05/2010 10:43:22 AM PDT by nothingnew (I fear for my Republic due to marxist influence in our government. Open eyes/see)
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To: Sax

34 posted on 04/05/2010 10:44:32 AM PDT by KosmicKitty (WARNING: Hormonally crazed woman ahead!!)
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To: Sax

And it still takes 60 seconds to heat my coffee!


35 posted on 04/05/2010 10:46:18 AM PDT by Eagle Eye (The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it is still on my list.)
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To: Sax

I’m almost inclined to believe this guy.


36 posted on 04/05/2010 10:47:15 AM PDT by Retired Greyhound
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To: Dr. Ursus
Hey,who wins the ninth at Belmont!

Seabuscuit

37 posted on 04/05/2010 10:51:05 AM PDT by frithguild (I gave to Joe Wilson the day after, to Scott Brown seven days before and next to JD Hayworth.)
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To: Sax

If he’s interested in stopping the destruction of the world, he should be talking to the regime in Washington DC.


38 posted on 04/05/2010 10:52:13 AM PDT by NonValueAdded ("The real death threat is their legislation" Rush Limbaugh, 3/25/10)
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To: Sax

Seems like he would have picked all the lotto numbers first to improve his credibility.


39 posted on 04/05/2010 10:52:16 AM PDT by RockyMtnMan
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To: Retired Greyhound
I'm almost inclined to believe this guy.
 
Me too. Especially the part about a communist chocolate hellhole

 



40 posted on 04/05/2010 10:55:36 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd
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