Posted on 02/11/2010 12:16:54 PM PST by HamiltonJay
I am looking to collect some dumb sayings for a project, so if can you please take a minute to send me the dumbest or silliest thing a superior or boss has said to you at work, (any job, not just here, and no don't name names).
Nothing that requires a backstory to it, just simple one or two sentence statements that you have been told over the years that in and of themselves have made you shake your head, stare at them in awe, spit your coke out your nose, or whatever.
Thanks
I was working on a project and working like a dog, and I was so mismanaged I grew alienated and sought another job. I got another job and quit.
The problem was that because of all the long hours I put in, I was owed five days of Comp Time. We were at trial so I told me boss no problem, just buy out my comp time, I didn’t need the time, I’d take the money.
The next day he stopped me in the hall and told me he had taken the matter up with administration and he had very bad news: it’s a firm company policy to not buy back comp time, sorry. He was very pleased with himself, until I just said that it wouldn’t be a problem, and I would just take those five Comp Days during my last two weeks. I earned them, after all.
His face dropped, and he was very disappointed that this had taken a course that he hadn’t anticipated.
I said “You really are easy to outwit, aren’t you?”
He hated me, too.
1991, small company in Woburn MA being run into the ground. Five of us plus the Owner. He said “we need a massed gassing”. Three of the employees are Jews.
The bosses son who was young enough to be my son was doing the schedule. I walked in and he said “I love doing the schedule that way I get to work with the hot chicks” He saw my look and misinterpreted it then saying “oh, and you”
It was damaged in a paper shredder.
Editor: “What the #&]] is this crap? Were you on drugs when you wrote it?”
“I can’t contribute, I have the best boss and job in the whole world.....I feel blessed.....”
So perhaps you’re self-employed or a stay-at-home mom? ;)
Boss: “Don’t cash the next couple of paychecks because we’re having money problems. I expect you to keep working though.”
It turns out he was directing DoD grant money out of the company and into his new home and barely escaped prison.
“I can’t contribute, I have the best boss and job in the whole world.....I feel blessed.....”
OR, your boss is also a FReeper and is reading this thread along with you. heh heh
“I can’t contribute, I have the best boss and job in the whole world.....I feel blessed.....”
OR, your boss is also a FReeper and is reading this thread along with you. heh heh
My first “real” job in High School was general cleanup of a machine shop, cutting weeds in back lot where old farm machinery was stored and other menial chores. The owner of the place was enormously fat, so fat it looked like he had a giant exercise ball under his shirt. One day he dropped a lit cigarette and told me “Boy, pick that up!” Shortly after that, I was using an old-fashioned hand scythe to cut the weeds around the ancient machinery in the back lot. I had a hard time keeping the sythe blade from whanging against the old equipment, so I suggested to him that it would go a lot faster if I used the forklift to pick up and move the rusting old equipment out of the way. He screamed back “Boy, if you used your head you wouldn’t have to move that equipment” and fired me on the spot. That was my introduction to the business world and I must say that I learned a lot from that old man.
That was the "short version" of the story. What made it worse is that I just transferred from a ship that had a 100% operational status.
I probably shouldn’t tell it, because my boss was a sweetheart and I loved the guy, but this was the mid-90’s and I had just set the company up with its very first web page. Showed the boss how to surf the web, first time he’d seen it, and he sez, “This Internet thing - could you print it out for me so I can take it home and look at it?”
One time I asked for a day off after going about a year with no days off. My supervisor snapped, “Fine, but let’s not make a habit of this!”
At another job, I had a coworker, Karen, who did the same job I did. While I am very reliable and seldom take sick days, she took off at least three or four days every month. She also took a 20-minute cigarette break every hour, took long lunches, spent a lot of time on personal calls, etc. When I asked for a rare day off, our supervisor denied it because “Karen might have to work hard.” I kid you not! It didn’t seem to occur to her that even if Karen had been a good worker, *I* had to work extra hard for the three or four days per month that SHE took off!
Needless to say, I no longer work at either of those jobs.
I ignored the entire conversation, hired the best qualified (not a minority), made quota, never heard about it again. Amazing what happens when you make your numbers.
“Well... is there any way to get this done without actually using any resources?”
“I know your team hasn’t started that project yet, but can you send me a quick status report for the CIO?”
“I know they’re not doing their job, but you can’t actually tell them that.”
“OK - *besides* getting out of your way, what can I do to help make you successful?”
“Don’t forget to wear socks on the drive home.” (Note to self found on ex-bosses personal voice recorder.)
Remember, the enemy gate is down, Zathras. Maybe your life won’t be so miserable next game session.
She was sent a major Dallas/Forth Worth plastics manufacture for clerical work and with in a week she was sent to shipping/receiving with no one in charge. With help from the workers there, she learned and took over the whole unit.
Three months later there was a big foul-up and all the big wigs descended upon her department demanding to know just how the screw up could have happened.
She: "I'm just a Kelly Girl."
WHAT? How long have you been running this department?
She: "Three months."
For the next week she trained a VP's son and then moved on to a new assignment.
Tech Manager at a PBS station- “Do More But Slow Down.”
Which I did, and they paid me too. ( After that it went slowly downhill, as that introduction was symbolic of how dysfunctional the company was.)
It is true what you say and I thought about using that kind of sailor talk but... this is a family friendly forum so I left that part of the story out! I know the story doesn't have as dramatic effect on the reader and makes the story less believable coming from a sailor!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.