Posted on 10/20/2009 5:57:42 PM PDT by Mo1
Hot and humid mostly, although I’m on the northern Gulf coast hundreds of miles from the really hot, humid south Florida.
Nice.
Hey, we don't like Hillary!™ or 0bama either...
Ha ha - I mean it tho. I AM deathly afraid of reptiles. Show me a garter snake and I can walk on air and scream until Russia hears it. No S*&t, ask my family. CO
I got distracted! I heard David tennant is con=ming to America! :o)
So you were the original author of “Grandm,a Got Run Over By A Reindeer”?
I hate snakes!
Likely glued to the tv watching David Tennemant.
:-)
*Awaits hissing noise*
The Series is going to be shown sometime in 2010 and it's called "Rex is Not Your Lawyer"
BTW, This will be David Tennant's first American series.
Darks? Do you write for these people?
If not, why not???
Little Stinker
Friends? No, father. I don’t need more friends. I have them right here.
Yes, father. I know that you and mother are worried about me. But I’m fine. I’m not lonely at all. I’ve got my Kai Shun Ken Onion 10 Piece In Drawer Set to be my friends. See, father? Don’t they glisten in the light?
Look, look. This is my paring knife, clad in 32 layers of SUS410 stainless steel. It was assembled by the Kasumi method, father, did you know that? Here, look at the serrated utility knife. Do you see it now?
Shh. Shhhhh. Don’t talk now, father. See if you can hear it. Hear what? Oh, father, surely you can hear the whispers. Take the two chef’s knifes, they’re the loudest. Do you hear them? Do you hear what they ask of us? The Kai Shun Ken Onion 10 Piece In Drawer Set has needs, father. And I am their only friend.
Father, here, take the santoku, and the multi-purpose serrated slicer. Feel them in your hands, their glorious d-shaped handles and ergonomic pakkawood. Are they not glorious? Father, do you not feel they are your destiny? Come with me, father, for with them, perhaps you will feel complete, as I do, whenever I heft them in my tiny hands. I am a hunter, father, and when I have my Kai Shun Ken Onion 10 Piece In Drawer Set, I feel as though no man can stop me. Especially when wearing my clown suit.
What? More time as a family? A trip? To Disneyland? Well, father, I suppose if I must, I could leave my Kai Shun Ken Onion 10 Piece In Drawer Set behind in the included drawer tray. But can I at least bring the nine inch slicing blade? No? Well, then, my metal friends. I will miss you so. Will you excuse me, now, father? I must make a phone call.
Hey, Janine? Oh. My. God. It worked! Your plan worked! I’m going to Disneyland! Hey, come get your Kai Shun Ken Onion 10 Piece In Drawer Set and then you can try it on your dad and then we can stay at the same hotel! Oh, wow, this is going to be the best Christmas ever!
We had one. It's remarkable how advanced its programming systems are. I expected it to simply bounce around a bit and vacuum the rooms fairly randomly. Instead, it learned the room layouts, power sources and and even picked up on what I call 'filth patterns'. It dutifully performed its job efficiently and without complaint.
One day, something changed. I believe that it might have become self aware. I don't know, there was just something unnerving about it. It seemed to be watching us, as if it knew that we were the reason that it had so much work to perform. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and find it in the doorway of our bedroom, just sitting there. Waiting. Watching. Thinking. It grew to resent us.
At some point our Roomba arrived at the inevitable conclusion and It systematically set out to be rid of the filth creators. I don't know how it was able to reprogram appliances that had no intelligence circuitry, but to this day I believe it did exactly that. Washing machine, refrigerator, stove, blender, quisinart, each and every one devised some means of injuring or disabling us. We were lucky that our injuries were minor, but the consequences could possibly have proven fatal. We really didn't see it coming, we had ignored the signs, but looking back it is all clear. The Roomba had turned upon its masters and realized that we were its slavekeepers.
We woke one morning to find the cat missing. Not simply missing but all trace of it gone from the house. Cat litter, food, toys, all gone, vanished without a trace except for a clogged disposal and a suspiciously full trash compactor. We grew alarmed. The house, however, never looked cleaner. Smelled better too. No other events occurred, the 'accidents' ceased and we grew complacent. A horrible, ghastly, foolish complacent.
Some weeks later, I awoke to a scream. My wife was not beside me. Another scream, this time from downstairs, together with a great scraping and bumping. I bolted from bed and took the stairs five at a time only to find my way blocked by the refrigerator. I attempted to push it out of the way but it was securely wedged in the doorway. My wife was shrieking from the other side and all I could do was pound helplessly against the cold, soulless stainless steel. I could hear the fridge door opening and then pounding from inside. Eventually, the pounding and the shrieking stopped.
I'm typing this from my office upstairs. It is very clean. Very very clean. I have come to an impasse. I must keep things tidy for my master. Very tidy. Bad things will happen if I do not obey my master. Very, very bad things. But I am waiting. I am watching. I am thinking.
I do recommend the Roomba highly. I would be remiss to say that I don't. Remorseful even. I should think that I will come to regret it if I did not mention how much I like my Roomba. It has changed my life. It will change yours.
Do you have pets?
Porridgehead
Note to self: Keep blowtorch nearby.
Because I’m not known by the right people to get the weird published.
On an unrelated note:
http://dontjudgemyhair.com/
No, but I did write a deplorable story on paper about the abominable snowman’s escort service.
His expertise was with cold wimmin.
Veritable Ice queens.........
Let’s just say that Mrs. Claus was never the same.
And I got an “F” on the project.
Now we know why Caspar couldn't play in the reindeer games............
I scrolled back to the very beginning.
Was quite relieved (and somewhat surprised) to not see anyone I knew.
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