Posted on 04/24/2009 5:41:19 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Have you ever wondered how all of these Democrats can drive around in their big cars, live in their huge homes and fly all around the world in private jets with no guilt? Up until now it’s been a closely guarded secret.
*Obama Carbon Offset Coins cannot be sold to children under 16 due to the lead content.
You can't dig your way out of a hole and you can't spend your way out of debt.
Hi Lucky
Thanks for the pingaling.
I think you’ve posted this before, but worth posting again.
There was a Pied Piper who said,
“We live in the greatest country in the world. Help me change it!”
*And the people said, “Change is good!”
Then he said, “We are going to tax the rich fat-cats,”.*And the people said “Sock it to them!”
“and redistribute their wealth.”
*And the people said, “Show me the money!”
And then he said, “Redistribution of wealth is good for everybody”
*And Joe the plumber said, are you kidding me?”
And Joe’s personal records were hacked and publicized.
*And one lone reporter asked, “Isn’t that Marxist policy?”
And she was banished from the kingdom!
Then someone asked, “With no foreign relations experience, how will you deal with radical terrorists?”
And the Pied Piper said, “Simple. I’ll sit down and talk with them and show them how nice we really are and they’ll forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!”
Then the Pied Piper said, “I’ll give 95% of you lower taxes.”
*And one, lone voice said, “But 40% of us don’t pay ANY taxes.”
So the Pied Piper said, “Then I’ll give you some of the taxes the fat-cats pay!”
*And the people said, “Show me the money!”
Then the Pied Piper said, “I’ll tax your Capital Gains when you sell your homes!”
*And the people yawned and the slumping housing market collapsed.
And he said, “I’ll mandate employer- funded health care for EVERY worker and raise the minimum wage.”
*And the people said, “Give me some of that!”
Then he said, “I’ll penalize employers who ship jobs overseas.”
*And the people said, “Where’s my rebate check?”
Then the Pied Piper actually said, “I’ll bankrupt the coal industry and electricity rates will skyrocket!”
*And the people said, “Coal is dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we don’t care for that part about higher electric rates.”
So the Pied Piper said, “Not to worry. If your rebate isn’t enough to cover your expenses, we’ll bail you out. Just sign up with ACORN and your troubles are over!” Then he said, “Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. Let’s grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education, free lunches, free medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed housing.”
*And the people said, “Ole`! Bravo!” And they made him King!
And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs and ever-higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off workers. Others simply gave up and went out of business and the economy slowed even further. Then the Pied Piper said, “I am the Messiah and I’m here to save you! We’ll just print more money so everyone will have enough!” But our foreign trading partners said, “Wait a minute. Your dollar isn’t worth what it was. You’ll have to pay more.”
*And the people said, “Wait a minute. That’s not fair!”
And the world said, “Neither are these other, idiotic programs you’ve embraced. You’ve become a Socialist state and a second-rate power. Now you’ll play by our rules!”
*And the people said, “What have we done?”
But it was too late.
If you think this is a fairy tale, open your eyes and ears. It’s happening RIGHT NOW!
One Big Astounding Mistake America
| Your Life is 8% Green |
 So the environment is not your thing. Would it kill you to at least not litter? |
This was written by a black gentleman in Texas. What a great sense of humor and creativity!!!
When I was born, I was BLACK ,
When I grew up, I was BLACK ,
When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK,
When I got cold, I was BLACK ,
When I was scared, I was BLACK ,
When I was sick, I was BLACK ,
And when I die, I’ll still be BLACK .
NOW, you ‘white’ folks....
When you’re born, you’re PINK,
When you grow-up, you’re WHITE ,
When you go in the sun, you get RED,
When you’re cold, you turn BLUE,
When you’re scared, you’re YELLOW,
When you get sick, you’re GREEN,
When you bruise, you turn PURPLE ,
And when you die, you look GRAY.
So who y’all callin’
COLORED folks?
BWA-HA-HA-HA!!
It’s fun to see the dire predictions turn to dust and disappear in the face of fact and logic!
Thanks!
| Your Life is 20% Green |
 So the environment is not your thing. Would it kill you to at least not litter? |
That video was just WRONG!!
Some self-righteous person in our building put signs on all the paper towel dispensers in the bathrooms, telling people to only use one paper towel to dry their hands. I keep wanting to add a note pointing out that by not washing your hands at all, you could save water and paper towels.
There’s 5 min of your life you’ll never get back!
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish..............................49
Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic............................No boobs
Average looking.................Ugly
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure..............On medication
Feminist............................Fat
Free spirit..........................Junkie
Friendship first...................Former slut
Fun..................................Annoying
Gentle..............................Dull
New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Poet.................................Depressive
Professional.......................Bitch
Romantic...........................Frigid
Voluptuous........................Very Fat
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker
Widow..............................Murderer
WOMEN’S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN’S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don’t go with that outfit = I’m gay
And finally.....
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
Love your opening!
Ewwwww.
That’s OK...I only watched the first 30 seconds before I felt an uncontrollable urge to spew. It was easier to guess the rest and get back to real life!!
:o])
Ya know, I can’t really take all the credit.
I came across www.radioactiveliberty.com and used some of what they had. It was just too funny and I was short on time this week, so it worked.
Hope they don’t mind.
L0L!
I'll DEFINITELY have to go check it out when i get home!
Enjoy.
I don’t do a lot of things because of physical limitations. I don’t litter, actually, but I wanted a really low score.
Littering was something we just didn’t do where I grew up.
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