I hope the stay at home thing does not catch on.
Sorry, but I see too many women staying home and not using the talents that they were given. Marriage should be a partnership; women need to pitch in and help with the family finances (and men need to help with housework).
I recently went to a funeral for a 55-year-old woman with a college degree. She stayed at home after marriage. While she had been healthy up until the day she died, they really didn’t have much to talk about her life and I think it was a bit of a waste.
My mom was a stay-at-home mom. When she passes there will more than we can probably remember to say about her and her life and she only made it to the seventh grade. She had siblings to stay at home and take care of before she had kids.
My dad supported us back then. Never took a vacation. Loved his work in the steel mill.
This response makes me sad on a number of levels.
1) Partnerships do not mean that everyone is contributing in the same way. If, in fact, each member of the team is performing their part rather than trying to do everything, the results are generally better. The statement that men should help with the housework, women should help with the finances is as bad as saying that women should stay home, barefoot and pregnant.
2) You have no idea what role she was playing on “their team”. No matter how close you were to the situation, unless you were one of the participants, you don’t know her contribution.
3) That a bunch of people at a funeral weren’t nominating her for a Nobel Prize doesn’t mean that her life was not the one that she wanted. It was, after all, her life, not the spectators’ life.
4) Her total value (all of our total values) lies in our existence as children of God and not in some subjective measurement of productivity.
5) Neither she, nor you, nor I am responsible to anyone else to serve the whole (college education not withstanding).
She stayed at home after marriage. While she had been healthy up until the day she died, they really didn’t have much to talk about her life and I think it was a bit of a waste.
As an at home mother I was busier and more happy than at any one time in my life.
Some people have the lives that they want.
She stayed at home after marriage. While she had been healthy up until the day she died, they really didn’t have much to talk about her life and I think it was a bit of a waste. I lost a friend who was disgusted with me not using my advanced degree.
She didnt understand that what I was doing was more fun and more creative than anything I had ever done, including defending my thesis.
As an at home mother I was busier and more happy than at any one time in my life.
Some people have the lives that they want.
I have never understood how sacrificing the most valuable thing you have--time--for the benefit of some corporation is a worthwhile use of your talents. On the contrary, it just sucks the energy out of you and prevents you from having the time to truly use your talents.
Here's an example. I love art. I have a little talent. I'd like to spend some time painting pictures. I'd also like to do some more writing for publication. I want to learn how to play the classical guitar, take dressage lessons, take some courses in history, volunteer at a favorite charity. None of these are things you can really make a living at, so they have to be for "spare" time. When I was younger and a stay-at-home mom, I had time for that stuff, and I did a lot of it side-by-side with my kids. Now I'm working all day, and when I get off work I have errands to run, dinner to make, homework to help with, cleaning and laundry to do. By the time I get done with everything that needs to be done, it's 11 p.m. and I'm flat on my face. My talents are being wasted and the corporation is getting the best of me, not my family. This is not a good thing for the family, only for the company.
Marriage should be a partnership; women need to pitch in and help with the family finances (and men need to help with housework).
Agreed, marriage should be a partnership. But the stay-at-home mom is helping with the family finances when she takes care of the children, housekeeping, cooking, shopping, laundry, chores, errands, and the myriad other functions that keep a family running. The family then doesn't have to pay to have someone cut the grass, or supervise the children, or tutor them in their homework, or wallpaper the bathroom. This is her contribution, and it's very valuable and would be quite costly to replace. Running a family is a full-time job, and if the woman is working outside the house she has two jobs to do.
I doubt they would have had more to talk about had she been in the workforce.
Besides, I'm the stay-at-home parent (a mom) in this household, and I have many more thing to talk about than my husband does. I'm interested in more subjects including politics, government, the economy, etc.. He's a dutiful citizen who votes every election, but would never "waste time" on this board. :)
Anyway, most guys I know who think like you do really don't want their wives to stop working because the guys don't want to give up the expensive trips, cars, boats, and other toys that men generally like. I had a friend who almost divorced her husband because he wanted her to work and pay for extravagances when she wanted to be home with their kids. They ended up in counselling - where he quickly saw what a selfish bastard he was. (He's turned out to be pretty top notch, too. :) )
No, I'm not a stay-at-home mom ... I'm a 43-year-old stay-at-home WIFE. While in many ways our marriage is a partnership ... it is so much more than that. To us, it's a 3-way covenant between God, my husband, and myself. Neither my husband nor I miss the hours and hours I used to spend working (and stressing) and being away from home ... and we've adjusted our lifestyle to accommodate living on just his military income. As to helping with the family finances ... don't you worry about us. We paid off our mortgage before I quit my job.... and I am frugal, enterprising, thrifty and we are 100% debt free.
And, no, my three college degrees aren't being wasted. I practiced law for nearly 15 years before becoming a happy housewife -- with most of those years in the public service. And now I am free to devote my energy, my efforts, my time, my training and my skills to keeping a home as well as to helping non-profit groups in my community.
I care not what people say about my life once I'm dead. What I do care about is what my wonderful husband thinks of me NOW ... and how I am measuring up in God's eyes.
Having a family and raising children is not a waste, it's a choice.