Posted on 08/20/2008 11:22:32 AM PDT by ThinkingBuddha
I got this funny story in a chain mail:
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the biker says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."
The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."
The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'"
The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page:
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!
ROFLMAO, and makes sense, too.
ping
The version I saw, the rescuer tells the reporter that he is an Israeli from Jerusalem.
The headline reads ISRAELI SETTLER BEATS UP AFRICAN, STEALS HIS LUNCH
It could pass for true
Would have been funnier if you hadn’t given us the punchline as the thread title.
Cheers
Everybody has probably seen this but me...
The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a weeklong ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election. Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice-fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner.
After much back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota .
There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.
Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another ‘bad hair’ day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.
At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.
That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, “Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin’ son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.
The next night (after John McCain. returns with 50 fish), Harry Reid said to Obama,” Well, tell me, how is John Mc. cheating?”
Obama replied, “Harry, you’re not going to believe this, but he’s cutting holes in the ice.”
Experience Counts
Reminds me of the one Jesse Jackson tells to point out how hard it is for him to get good press. He says if he were to see a child drowning in the lake in Central Park and were to walk across the water to save the child, the headline would read JESSE JACKSON CAN’T SWIM!
bttt
bttt
For humor to work, there has to be a grain of truth to it.
This is hilarious.
And it illustrates the reason why the MSM is in the downward death spiral it finds itself in. People just will not waste money on liberal crap anymore. There is more out there being covered and reported on and we can find it. We don’t need the MSM.
“And it illustrates the reason why the MSM is in the downward death spiral it finds itself in.”
That death spiral is still too slow for me. I look forward to relieving myself on their graves.
oh, my, thanks, I needed a good belly laugh (it’s good for your lungs as well as you heart), funniest thing I have heard in a very long time.
““Harry, you’re not going to believe this, but he’s cutting holes in the ice.”
Experience Counts”
So does drilling!!!
“If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Patomac River, the headline that afternoon would read “President Can't Swim””. LBJ
He also said...
“Being President is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There is nothing to do but stand there and take it.”
Obviously, that’s the Hebrew translation.
Fake but real, doncha’ know.
I hate to think what the title would have been if he had used some Recon moves on the cat and killed it.
This is also a funny and I guess fictional, although a bit dated, story.
Anchors Dan Rather and Peter Jennings, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts, along with a U.S. Marine assigned to protect them were hiking through the Iraq desert one day when Iraqis captured them. They were tied up, led to a village, and brought before the leader.
The leader said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish; so, before we kill and dismember you, do you have any last requests?"
Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."
Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear the song OCanada one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western World and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.
Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."
The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?"
"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.
"What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"
"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were either dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings, and Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"
"What," replied the Marine, "and have you three assholes call me the aggressor.
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