Replies

I know. It's the week before Christmas and I should be posting something Christmas related. Well, if you want to talk about cheese in your Christmas meals, then have at it.

But, no worries, I will be posting a Christmas thread by tomorrow (if someone doesn't beat me to it and ping me). For now, I give you wonderful, wonderful cheese.

Swiss.

Freeper cheese and more cheese ping!

Gouda

Herewegoagain.

Thailand?
No wait. 'Thailand' doesn't really apply to this thread.....

Moose?

We like Christmas cheese!

Provolone.

Mmmmmm pungent cheeses are the best.

Kraft individually wrapped slices.

I like cheese! Do you like cheese?

FYI!

L'Edel de Cleron, one of my favorites.

I like to cut the cheese in an elevator!

Head.

Velveeta used to be my favorite, but it dries out around the edges, so, yeah, Kraft slices.

Pepperjack.

Chevre

Favorite recipe: spread chevre on cracker... eat.

:)

Pepperjack cheese and Horseradish cheese

Super-sharp cheddar
Bleu

I guess the stinkier or sharper the better.

13 year old Wisconsin cave-aged cheddar. SHARP!!

Wensleydale Good morning, sir.
Mousebender Good Morning. I was sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through ‘Rogue Herries’ by Horace Walpole, when suddenly I came over all peckish.
Wensleydale Peckish, sir?
Mousebender Esurient.
Wensleydale Eh?
Mousebender (broad Yorkshire) Eee I were all hungry, like!
Wensleydale Oh, hungry.
Mousebender (normal accent) In a nutshell. So I thought to myself, ‘a little fermented curd will do the trick’. So I curtailed my Walpolling activites, sallied forth and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles. (smacks his lips)
Wensleydale Come again.
Mousebender (broad nothern accent) I want to buy some cheese.
Wensleydale Oh, I thought you were complaining about the music!
Mousebender (normal voice) Heaven forbid. I am one who delights in all manifestations of the terpsichorean muse.
Wensleydale Sorry?
Mousebender I like a nice dance - you’re forced to.
Quick cut to a Viking.
Viking (broad Northern accent) Anyway.
Cut back to cheese shop.
Wensleydale Who said that?
Mousebender (normal voice) Now my good man, some cheese, please.
Wensleydale Yes certainly, sir. What would you like?
Mousebender Well, how about a little Red Leicester.
Wensleydale I’m, afraid we’re fresh out of Red Leicester, sir.
Mousebender Oh, never mind. How are you on Tilsit?
Wensleydale Never at the end of the week, sir. Always get it fresh first thing on Monday.
Mousebender Tish tish. No matter. Well, four ounces of Caerphilly, then, if you please, stout yeoman.
Wensleydale Ah well, it’s been on order for two weeks, sir, I was expecting it this morning.
Mousebender Yes, it’s not my day, is it? Er, Bel Paese?
Wensleydale Sorry.
Mousebender Red Windsor?
Wensleydale Normally, sir, yes, but today the van broke down.
Mousebender Ah. Stilton?
Wensleydale Sorry.
Mousebender Gruyere? Emmental?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Any Norwegian Jarlsberger?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Liptauer?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Lancashire?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender White Stilton?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Danish Blue?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Double Gloucester?
Wensleydale ...No.
Mousebender Cheshire?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Any Dorset Blue Vinney?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Brie, Roquefort, Pont-l’Évêque, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carre-de-L’Est, Boursin, Bresse-Bleu, Perle de Champagne, Camenbert?
Wensleydale Ah! We do have some Camembert, sir.
Mousebender You do! Excellent.
Wensleydale It’s a bit runny, sir.
Mousebender Oh, I like it runny.
Wensleydale Well as a matter of fact it’s very runny, sir.
Mousebender No matter. No matter. Hand over le fromage de la Belle France qui s’apelle Camembert, s’il vous plaît.
Wensleydale I think it’s runnier than you like it, sir.
Mousebender (smiling grimley) I don’t care how excrementally runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
Wensleydale Yes, sir. (bends below counter and reappears) Oh...
Mousebender What?
Wensleydale The cat’s eaten it.
Mousebender Has he?
Wensleydale She, sir.
Mousebender Gouda?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Edam?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Caithness?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Smoked Austrian?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Sage Darby?
Wensleydale No, sir.
Mousebender You do have some cheese, do you?
Wensleydale Certainly, sir. It’s a cheese shop, sir. We’ve got...
Mousebender No, no, no, don’t tell me. I’m keen to guess.
Wensleydale Fair enough.
Mousebender Wensleydale.
Wensleydale Yes, sir?
Mousebender Splendid. Well, I’ll have some of that then, please.
Wensleydale Oh, I’m sorry sir, I thought you were reffering to me, Mr Wensleydale.
Mousebender Gorgonzola?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Parmesan?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Mozzarella?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Pippo Crème?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Any Danish Fynbo?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Czechoslovakian Sheep’s Milk Cheese?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
Wensleydale Not today sir, no.
(pause)
Mousebender Well let’s keep it simple, how about Cheddar?
Wensleydale Well, I’m afraid we don’t get much call for it around these parts.
Mousebender Not call for it? It’s the single most popular cheese in the world!
Wensleydale Not round these parts, sir.
Mousebender And pray what is the most popular cheese round these parts?
Wensleydale Ilchester, sir.
Mousebender I see.
Wensleydale Yes, sir. It’s quite staggeringly popular in the manor, squire.
Mousebender Is it.
Wensleydale Yes sir, it’s our number-one seller.
Mousebender Is it.
Wensleydale Yes sir.
Mousebender Ilchester, eh?
Wensleydale Right.
Mousebender OK, I’m game. Have you got any, he asked, expecting the answer no?
Wensleydale I’ll have a look, sir...nnnnnnooooooooo.
Mousebender It’s not much of a cheese shop really, is it?
Wensleydale Finest in the district, sir.
Mousebender And what leads you to that conclusion?
Wensleydale Well, it’s so clean.
Mousebender Well, it’s certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
Wensleydale You haven’t asked me about Limberger, sir.
Mousebender Is it worth it?
Wensleydale Could be.
Mousebender OK, have you...will you shut that bloody dancing up! (the music stops)
Wensleydale (to dancers) Told you so.
Mousebender Have you got any Limberger?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender No, that figures. It was pretty predictable, really. It was an act of purest optimism to pose the question in the first place. Tell me something, do you have any cheese at all?
Wensleydale Yes, sir.
Mousebender Now I’m going to ask you that question once more, and if you say ‘no’ I’m going to shoot you through the head. Now, do you have any cheese at all?
Wensleydale No.
Mousebender (shoots him) What a senseless waste of human life.

My favorite cheeses = American, cheddar, and Finlandia Swiss

The French would love this thread ;)