****THE OFFICIAL GOOD FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD****

Awesome Eggs ^ | April 6, 2007

[Lucky9teen]

Good Friday To You All!!!

 

From the earliest times the Christians kept every Friday as a feast day; and the obvious reasons for those usages explain why Easter is the Sunday par excellence, and why the Friday which marks the anniversary of Christ's death came to be called the Great or the Holy or the Good Friday.

 

Easter marks the Resurrection of Jesus three days after his Crucifixion. Sandwiched between the 40 preparatory days of Lenten penitence and the seven weeks of Eastertide, it is the most important and most joyous holiday on the Christian calendar. 

 

Easter, like the spring season it graces, is associated with birth, renewal and fertility.  In 2007, Easter falls on April 8.

 

The Easter timeline runs as follows:

• Shrove Tuesday, aka Mardi Gras

• Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent...

• Lent — 40 days, excluding Sundays

• Holy Week, the last week of Lent, consisting of:

  • Palm Sunday

  • Maundy Thursday

  • Good Friday

  • Holy Saturday

• Easter Sunday

• Easter Monday

• Eastertide, the 50 days leading up to Pentecost...

• Pentecost

According to the eighth-century theologian the Venerable Bede (who came up with the dating system of AD and BC), Easter is named for Eostre, an Anglo-Saxon goddess of spring. She is associated with the egg and with the hare, both symbols of procreation that have been enduringly incorporated by the church in the form of Easter eggs and the Easter bunny who brings them.

 

 

 

 

Top Ten Reasons to Celebrate Easterr

10. You absolutely love the movie, "The Ten Commandments".

9. You look really, really good in yellow.

8. You just went on a low cholesterol diet and didn't want to waste all those eggs in the fridge.

7. You figure any Holiday that starts with a "Good Friday" can't be all bad.

6. You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.

5. It's a good time to check out your neighborhood church and not be noticed.

4. You have this bunny suit you love to wear, but are too insecure to wear it without a reason.

3. Even though you don't know what it is, you really like the sound of going to a "Passion Play."

2. You figured since Jesus went to all THAT trouble to make it to the first Easter, you'd give it a shot.

1. As a Christian you celebrate the resurrection every other day, why not Easter too?
 

 

 

"Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there.  You can nail it to a cross, wrap it in winding sheets and shut it up in a tomb, but it will rise!"

[tomkow6]

[HEY4QDEMS]

Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven.
St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful and stuff...”
“Wrong!,” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question,
“What is Easter?” The second blonde replies, “Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and drink eggnog.”
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she’s wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks,
“What is Easter?” The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, “I know what Easter is.”
“Oh?” says St. Peter, incredulously. “Easter is the Christian holiday, that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper. Then the Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.”
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. Then the third blonde continues, “Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out...and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.”

[tomkow6]

[5Madman2]

Choosing A Profession
An old southern country preacher from Georgia had a teenage son named David and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whisky, and a Playboy magazine.

I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to himself, “and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I’ll see which object he picks up.

If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be OK, but if picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be.

And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he’s gonna be a skirt-chasin’ bum.”

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month’s centerfold.

“Lord have mercy,” the old preacher disgustedly whispered, “he’s gonna be an Air Force Cop!!!”

[Soaring Feather]

[siunevada]

A man is stranded on a desert island.

Eventually, he is rescued. As he is leaving the island in a boat with his rescuers, one of them looks back and asks about the three buildings the man had constructed.

“The first one is my house. And the second one is my church.”

“What’s the third one?”

“Oh, that.”

“That’s the church I used to go to.”

[HEY4QDEMS]

psssst! Did you know I was in Vietnam?

[pookie18]

Click below for audio:

Click below for I'm-a-damn-nut-job audio:

[HEY4QDEMS]

[OESY]

To Get In Heaven

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, “Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.”

“No problem,” the man said. “I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight; immediately I began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.

Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn’t you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn’t die. This ticked me off even more.

In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly.”

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day—it was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announces, “OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,” and lets him in. A few seconds later the next guy came up. “Greetings, friend: before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died.”

The man said, “No problem. But you’re not going to believe this; I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by my finger tips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn’t die right away. As I’m laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me instantly.”

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finished his story. “I could get used to this new policy”, he thinks to himself. “Very well sir,” the Angel announces. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,” and he lets the man enter.

A few seconds later, another man comes up to the gate. The Angel says, “Tell me what it was like the day you died.”

The man says, “OK, picture this. I’m naked inside a refrigerator....”

.

[GrandEagle]

Thanks for the PING! I get a kick out of these...

[CountryBumpkin]

Have a holly jolly [Psst, hey buddy] Wha-wha-what? What's that you say? East..? Oops, wrong season...

[The_Victor]

The Stations of the Peeps

[Maximus of Texas]

Related story here: http://news.yahoo.com/photo/070402/ids_photos_ts/r3906707969.jpg

[Fawn]

[Sax]

Big People Words

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to
become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest
hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO
baby talk!

“You need to use ‘Big People’ words,” she was always
reminding them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big
People’ words!”

She then asked Mitchell what he had done. “I took a
ride on a choo choo.”

She said “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must
remember to use “Big People’ words.”

She then asked little Zach what he had done.

“I read a book,” he replied.

“That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said. “What book did
you read?”

Zach thought real hard about it, then puffed out his
chest with great pride, and said,

“Winnie the SHIT

[Sax]

High School Coolness Test

This test is based on how cool you were in High School—what crowd you

ran with, etc., but it’s still pretty accurate. You may want to send it to your friends to see if they’ve changed.

SEE IF YOU ARE STILL A COOL PERSON:

http://www.elks590.org/main/cooltest.htm

[HOTTIEBOY]

[beeber]

Thanks for the ping!

...........................................................................................Klinton/McCaniac '08

[Sax]

The Nun and Hooters
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” Well, in that case I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did
they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”
“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?”
But, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.
“You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.