My Daughter's Voice Mail Recording...by her Father!

JEFFHEAD.COM ^ | March 10, 2007 | Jeff Head

[Jeff Head]

One of my daughters has been having some troubles with some harassement by guys she knows. Always asking for dates and not taking no for an answer. These particular fellows call her cell phone constantly. So, she asked me if I could help her and I told her perhaps a direct message on her voice mail would do the trick. This is what we came up with, and it has addressed the issue. I share it with anyone who may have a similar concern. Click on the following link and then select to download it to your computer where you can listen to it with whatever music player you use (Media Player, iTunes, etc.). It is a 2Mb .wav file.

MY DAUGHTER'S VOICE MAIL RECORDING DOWNLOAD

[editor-surveyor]

It downloaded, but the volume is way too low to make out what you are saying, even with all settings maxed out.

[EDINVA]

it was playing but I couldn't hear it

[loboinok]

Ten Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package,because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my pneumatic nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate. When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places
where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than
overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my
daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car- there is no need for you to come inside. The
camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

You are da man!

[Jeff Head]

Thanks.

[Jeff Head]

I can't say. On mine, the volume is low, but when I turn it up on the computer, it's not too bad and easy to make out. Others have told me the same thing this eveing. You might gop into volume control in your sounds under the contorl panel and turn the master volume up there.

Anyhow, in post 27 there is a transcript.

[Jeff Head]

On mine, the volume is low, but when I turn it up on the computer, it's not too bad and easy to make out. Others have told me the same thing this eveing. You might gop into volume control in your sounds under the contorl panel and turn the master volume up there.

Anyhow, in post 27 there is a transcript.

[Jeff Head]

Seems to be having the desired effect thus far.

[editor-surveyor]

I did all that; no luck :o(

[editor-surveyor]

Excellent!

[Malsua]

Jeff,

I'm not trying to be a wet blanket douche here.

That message is perhaps workable, it has issues

It sounds to me like a fantasy message.

Teen Suitors need Genuine messages. If you intend to intimidate anyone that is courting your daughter, you gotta deal with the fallout.

[Jeff Head]

No need for psycho-analysis.

We talked about the help and I gave it. We have that simple, straight forward kind of relationship.

She'll keep the mssage for as long as she likes and then put her own there. If you read the thread...you'll find it was not meant for "everyone" who courts my daughter (and she is not a teen any longer)...and the intimidation is clearly only meant for those with "improper intentions", just like it says.

Most of the young men that know my daughter and me, including the one she is dating, are getting a real kick out of it. Most of them enjoy the gun collection anyway here in Idaho.

So...no wet douche, and though you may think it has issues, it is working out fine here in fly-over country.

Thanks anyhow.

[Jeff Head]

You have a FRemail my friend.

[Alamo-Girl]

Thanks for the ping!

[Choose Ye This Day]

I love that. My oldest girl is turning 12 this week, so I have a few more years until the dating starts, but I'm going to have to remember your method.

[Choose Ye This Day]

So the offending suitor HAS called and heard the message?

I'd love to see the look on his face as he listened.

[Gracey]

What a clever message. Let us know if he calls again. AWESOME.

[philman_36]

LOL! WTG Jeff!

[Lokibob]

Ahhhh, the adventure begins.

here is one to do...
If the little Miss ( or Mr) starts pushing the curfew time by a few minutes, don't have a heart attack. Simply deduct it from the curfew time next day.

Example: Little darling is supposed to be home at 10 pm, but comes in at 10:15. Curfew tomorrow night is 9:45, cause she owed you 15 minutes.

Here is the sneaky part... If the few odd minutes don't change the behavior, save them up on a calendar. Bank them. Then, on a night that is important, tell her that the bank is foreclosing, her curfew is now 7:30 (at 7 pm).

HOW TO CURE A KID RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS:
Tell the offender that they have to bring a deck of cards up the stairs, ONE CARD AT A TIME, in less than 5 minutes.

For your daughters 13th birthday, give her a blank book. Tell her that all teenagers know everything from age 13 to age 20, so she should write it down while all knowing. After age 20, you become stupid again.

Good luck my FRiend. I envy you, it is a magic time for both you and your daughter....

.....bob

[SamAdams76]

While I can certainly understand the desire to leave such a message on behalf of your daughter, it cannot do very much for her self-esteem and it will only reinforce with her that she will need a man to protect her throughout her life.

Which is not a good thing. For she will be more likely to latch onto a bad man later on in life in order to get the kind of "protection" she got as a child.

I think your daughter is better off learning how to handle persistent suitors on her own. She needs to learn how to say NO and furthermore, she needs to develop the same kind of cutting wit as her father so she can effectively deliver that message for herself.