Posted on 01/12/2007 2:48:36 AM PST by sully777
related to Saddam
http://trampolinelol.ytmnd.com/
Probably.... Maybe I should think of one or two for myself for this weekend. lol
MM
And it would not be Friday w/o a Britney joke
http://britneydnw.ytmnd.com/
LOL!
BTW:checked out your homepage.. Very funny.
MM
Two would be good.
Evidence that you're ill... 
The GLOP-1, properly placed at your work area when you leave the day before your "mental health day", will remove any doubts as to your illness. By showing clear evidence of illness, on your return you will be greeted with kindness and compassion instead of the customary "raised eyebrow" greeting received otherwise.
Man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, greatly impressing everyone with his diligence and ability.
The next Monday, he once again calls his boss. "I'm sick," he says. Boss reluctantly excuses him, but notices that this is the second Monday in a row.
Once again, the man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, even faster and better than the previous week.
The following Monday, he calls his boss again. "I'm sick." Boss excuses him, but decides to call the man to task on Tuesday.
Tuesday comes and as soon as the man shows up, the boss calls him into his office.
"What gives?" asks the boss. "I can see you're a hard worker, but you've only been here three weeks and you've called in sick every Monday."
Man says, "Well, my sister is in a bad marriage and I go over to console her every Monday morning before work. One thing leads to another and we end up making love all day long."
"Your sister!?!" says the boss. "That's disgusting!"
Man says, "I told you I was sick."
Suicide bombers get cold feet, call in sick
Make-believe suicide bomber Akbar Kapowi
By John Breneman
In a shocking development in the war in Iraq, no suicide bomber blew up a bunch of innocent victims yesterday.
This marks the first day in recent memory that no dim-witted Muslim extremist jackass has blown himself, and bystanders, to smithereens.
An anonymous terrorist leader calling himself "Deep Goat" said plans for moderate to heavy violence fell through for several reasons, including inclement weather and a rumor that all that bull about banging virgins in Heaven is actually a load of camel dung.
"Deep Goat," believed to be a regional manager for Insurgents R Us, said the lack of senseless death is just an aberration and assured that regularly scheduled suicide bombings will resume tomorrow.
Several of the rocket scientists scheduled to blow their brains out yesterday called in sick and others came up with a variety of excuses. One claimed the dog ate his "Martyr Manual," another had to attend his son's graduation from Bush the Anti-Christ Elementary School and yet another realized that Allah, like most self-respecting deities, actually frowns on killing innocent people in his name.
Other excuses included:
-- overslept
-- accidentally sent suicide bomb vest to the dry cleaners
-- ran out of gas on the way back from sabotaging an oil refinery
-- wife was nagging him to remodel the rape room
-- found out he was allergic to his own mangled flesh
-- realized mission would interfere with lifelong dream of crashing an exploding Hyundai into the Eiffel Tower
-- figured out he could make more money selling Saddam Hussein material on eBay
Tune in to the 5 p.m. edition of IBS News for a followup on our exclusive "Suicide Bomber Excuses" report.
Lyrics to Weird Al Callin in sick
Hit my snooze alarm for the 27th time
Just don't feel like goin' to work - I think I'll call my boss, then I'm
Gonna hack and cough and wheeze
Swear I've got some strange disease
What's that little twerp gonna say?
Hey
I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
I could shine my pennies or clean my lava lamp
I could spend all day in my underwear watching "Ernest Goes to Camp"
I could sit and count my hair
I could burp my Tupperware
I'm not busy now anyway
Hey
I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
Ain't goin' to work, no way
Callin' in sick today
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
I can do anything I want to
I am invincible now
I'm on fire, baby
I'm alive, I'm alive, can you hear me, world?
I'm alive!
Maybe I'll spend all day staring at the sun
And trying not to squint
Maybe I'll make a huge color tapestry from
My belly button lint
When I'm sick of takin' abuse
I just make up some lame excuse
Freedom's just seven digits away
Hey
I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
Ain't goin' to work, no way
Callin' in sick today
Subject: [CR] Way OT: Mystery Solved
> Many of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an
> unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and
> cattle ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico . This is a well-known
> incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and
> the Federal Government.
> However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948, exactly
> nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:
> Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.
> Hillary Rodham
> John F. Kerry
> William Jefferson Clinton
> Howard Dean
> Nancy Pelosi
> Dianne Feinstein
> Charles E. Schumer
> Barbara Boxer
> See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? This piece of information
> may clear up a lot of things.
The mayor of Houston Texas was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Houston. The mayor could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Houston was full of pigeon poop. The people of Houston couldn't walk on the sidewalks or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to try to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.
One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition. "I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions. Or, you can pay me five million dollars and ask one question." The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.
The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a red pigeon. The red pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Texas sky. All the pigeons in Houston saw the red pigeon. They gathered up behind the red pigeon. The Houston pigeons followed the red pigeon as she flew eastward out of the city.
The next day the red pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall. The Mayor was very impressed. He thought the man and the red pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid Houston of the plague of pigeons.
Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 5 million dollars and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 5 million just to get to ask ONE question.
The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his question.
The mayor asked: "Do you have any red Mexicans?"
And I just luv ya for that! 
To Ellis Mountain.............
The boss says:
"You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that."
2 hours later Bob calls:
"Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house."
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