A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies. "So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.
I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters & listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.
Somebody ought to teach that dog how to type.
You know that sign that says, "No dogs allowed -- except seeing-eye dogs" ?
Why don't they put that sign down a little lower?
Broken down on a rural road; hood up, peering into the engine compartment, the salesman was startled when a voice from his left opined, "It's the carburetor." He turned to see an old horse staring back at him from the other side of a split rail fence. In disbelief, he began to look around for the person who had spoken when the horse calmly repeated, "It's the carburetor." Dumfounded, the salesman shrugged, began inspecting the carburetor, and soon discoverd that it was, indeed, the source of his trouble and required only a simple adjustment. Offering an awkward "Thanks" to the horse, he drove directly to the farmhouse adjoining the pasture and, locating the owner, asked "How much do you want for that old horse standing out there by the road?" The old farmer eyed him up and down and said, "I'd bet the farm you don't know nothin' 'bout horses or you wouldn't be askin', so why are you askin'?" As the salesman described how the horse told him about his carburetor problem, an understanding smile crept across the old farmer's face, he gave a chuckle, and began to nod. At this the salesman stopped and asked, "Say, what do you know about that horse I don't know?" The farmer replied, "What I know is that horse done took you right in; you bought it hook, line, and sinker. He don't really know nothin' 'bout carburetors."