It's the 229th birthday of the United States Marine Corp.
Posted on 11/10/2006 3:31:04 AM PST by sully777
I'm craving a breakfast burrito...man, i really keep weird hours.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yaE9kisiG8
RIP Fruitcake Lady
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been
married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One
afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint
sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he
sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass
bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water
floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried
to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but
soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss
Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to
the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park
a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The
directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would
prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all
winter."
She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.
Then I caught her spending:
$65.00 on make-up,
$150 for a cut & color,
$20 for a manicure,
$25 for a pedicure,
$50 on vitamins,
$300 on clothes
and $600 for a gym membership.
I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her. She said she
needed it to look pretty for me.
I told her that was what the beer was for.
I don't think she's coming back.
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human
beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she
volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew
it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.
"It sure was", said the little girl.
"My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say
"F*ck," the rottweiler ate him!"
ROTFLOL: Someone decided to ask my grandmother in law questions.
IB4100@1:34 CST...maybe we should make this thread a weekend silliness thread. WTH is everyone?
Are we gonna make it to 100???
98
99
100!!
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