Posted on 10/27/2006 11:31:40 AM PDT by gobucks
Recently, my wife gave birth to our daughter. We used the Bradley Method: natural childbirth, no meds, no epidural, no pitocin. In a way, childbirth is like flying....
On a recent thread, I gave a brief birth story, designed to encourage other parents considering Bradley. But here, my aim is simple: a few words to convict the hearts of cowardly men who are unwilling to help their wives, and instead, weakly lean on medications to get them through the 'trauma' of childbirth. Yes, guys, exclusively, are the source of the epidural problem.
One could argue on and on that a woman is the one who has to bear the pain, the agony, of the contractions. That for men to even discuss this subject is silly at best, arrogantly patriarchal and insensitive in the worse direction.
But hear me: for a man to back down from the reality of the childbirth he initated is folly. Epidurals, pain meds, drugs, laughing gas ... whatever. Most of these 'interventions' are designed to perfectly numb the transformative experience childbirth is supposed to be. On the surface, of course, the doctors and hospitals want to minimize the 'pain' of childbirth - which they think will maximize the 'joy'.
But the truth is plainer. While the pain is muted, yes, the joy is muted far more. True, the child to mother bonding experience doesn't depend too much upon how many meds are involved.
But, Natural childbirth is about bonding, not just child to mother, but father to child and, more importantly, husband to wife (as the norm). Eagerly sought out epidural-childbirth, however, is a message from the Father to his family: "I don't have what it takes for the childbirth, and chances are good that pattern will remain henceforth regarding fatherhood and husbandry".
Natural childbirth is hard to pull off without the Dad being there, being supportive, being strong. And the fact is clear that if the Dad starts out in a mode of being supportive to the extent required by the Bradley method, then by implication, the coming years will show a Dad whose manhood supports a degree of Fathering that is beyond effective written description, to say nothing of the husbandry!
Of course, some Mothers reading this would argue that cutting out Dad is the idea all along, and a darn good idea. But these words are not for them...
These words are for those few guys out there who suspect deep in their hearts that there has got to be something more to living besides serial guy-driven exploits....
There is more to life than making 'mom' happy, indeed. Guys, another way to say this is: God didn't create you to be a life-support-system for a sperm donation machine, that coincidentally also brings home a paycheck. Husbandry is a noble calling, and stuffing your ears to avoid the calls is what boys, by default, do.
Stand up, and be MEN, you boys encased in the bodies of MEN. Stand up, unstuff your ears, and be the man your children can look up to.
One could argue that Epidural Nation, which is known as the USA, and the door mat that was once known as the WTC towers, have no connection to each other. But the men who flew those planes had no fear of us - and why not?
The kind of Men who fear the pain of helping their wives through the pain of childbirth are the kind of American Guys the hijackers evaluated as they planned their way to 9-11. The American Guys who, as a rule, were not, and still are not, man enough to inflict the kind of pain that SHOULD HAVE deterred the WTC attacks from the start. The kind of guys, for example, who empathize deeply with the 'struggles' guys like Bill Clinton endure.
For me, this has been the nagging question all along: what did those supposedly crazy men in the planes perceive was missing in the average heart of the "American Man"?
What did they witness that was missing such that these Arabic men had no fear of us, no fear for their homelands, no fear for their families, and felt free, felt bold enough, to attack us, the strongest nation the world has ever seen?
In short, just WHERE is the starting point for an 'American Man'? Why, the the birthing rooms of our nation of course - and who, I ask, is missing from these rooms?
American MEN are missing.
Good, loving, supportive guys are now present in the millions .... but they are chicken-hearted, and lazy, eager to get back to their dens, Lazy Boys, and remote controls. It is, indeed, football season, and Tressel's men are doing a great job.
But the football watchers? Those guys are setting a bad example, and they are making us more vulnerable, not less, to the attacks we have seen up to now.
The Epidurals are not the problem - the guys who lean on them are the problem. Men are the solution.
Stand up Men - and enter the birthing room as a man. Our Future Men depend on it.
My 'big' guy (baby number 4) is now 12 and taller than me. He grows seemingly by the hour. He is all arms and legs...like a big puppy right now. Our youngest was 9 lb 8 oz (and was induced two weeks early because his brother was too big so he was on scale to be the biggest yet). He is bigger now at age 9 than the 12 year old was....and the 12 year old is bigger now than his older brothers were at the same age (they are all pretty average sized). It seems like the younger ones are just bigger. Mebbe they switched my pre-natal vitamins (or something)...I know what you mean by the high shelves though :)
Thanks for the sentiment :)
Good question...
But, I guess you already know the answer....dont you.
MM
Sorry bubba...watermelon..not grapefruit.
MM
I have. Twice. And I have news for you, the only joy comes after the birthing is done. There is nothing even remotely joyous about that level of pain.
Number seven!!! Good luck to you!!! I love large families :) (Five kids here!)
"Number seven!!! Good luck to you!!! I love large families :) (Five kids here!)"
Thanks! It's crazy, noisy, messy, and chaotic - but we wouldn't have it any other way.
What a load of crap.
I am amazed at how many conservative Luddites there seem to be on FR.
"There is nothing even remotely joyous about that level of pain."
Amen.
And as I recall...I really didn't give a rip what my husband thought I should be doing - and he knew that and appreciated it.
A little while ago when he was suffering the afteraffects of a root canal - I followed his commands to the tee.
I got on the phone and asked the doc for a script for meds...I didn't try to talk him out it and handle it "naturally".
When someone is pain - it isn't a good time to give them "advice". It is a good time to say "what can I do for you honey?"
A bit of an exaggeration. My mother made a more realistic analogy: pooping a football.
Your mother must have had small babies.
The watermelon is a better analogy.
When my wife was in labor with our 2nd, (approx. 1 hour TOTAL labor) there was no time for an epidural or any other painkiller.
(She is reading over my shoulder as we type and said, "It was very nice when I held her after the birth because I knew what was going on. She just ordered me to put that last line in, too.)
So during the worst contractions, she had one arm wrapped around a little nurse (5' 2", < 100 lbs) and me (5' 11", 225 lbs). The nurse had my wife's arm around her waist. The other arm was around my shoulders. I was pulled completely off of my feet!
After it was over the nurses were all laughing at me for not knowing any better.
(Both of our cubs were born with nurse/midwives, but in a hospital setting. Best of both worlds).
HINT: In the last month or so before birth, (and even more so if Mom will be breastfeeding!) it's a good idea for Dad to make in advance, and put in the deep freeze (what do you mean you don't have a deep freeze? Go BUY one!) at least 1 month's worth of home-cooked, healthy, tasty meals.
Microwave them as needed. You will appreciate the flavor and the time savings when you are too tired for anything else from a newborn.
(I once saw my wife eat an entire Denny's pie at one sitting; and another time, an entire Roast Beef by herself in two days, while she was nursing.)
Cheers!
"Natural" childbirth is more of a hippie / granola thing (Vermont-ish) than conservative / Luddite.
Cheers!
ROTFLMAO....I'm with you 100%.
GB, you really need to spend some time thinking about why the whole epidural procedure is sticking in your craw. Seriously. Is it because you feel some kind of a disconnect from Little Miss GB? Something else? What is this whole nonsense about dulling the "joy" of childbirth??? I was my sister's labor coach for her firstborn--22 hours of labor, no epi, and believe me--no joy. Lots of screaming, some vomiting, but no joy that I could see. Well, Sis would have been overcome with joy when Baby finally made his debut, but pure exhaustion beat joy to the head of the class. Sis went on to have five more kids. Five epis. Five labors under 10 hours.
I tried to do the whole no meds labor with my first two boys. Labor #1: I endured 18 hours of hell before I "gave in" and had the epi. Healthy baby boy born two hours later.
Labor #2: I held out 23 hours before begging for the epi. Healthy baby boy born three hours later.
My post-partum physical recovery from those first two births was around 8-10 weeks. I had a fair amount of internal tearing. I had hemherroids the size of baseballs. That's what all that pushing got me. No joy--physical hell.
My third labor: I requested an epi as soon as I was in the delivery room. I received the epi within 90 minutes. Healthy baby boy was born less than five hours after we arrived at the hospital. Lots of joy this time! No hemmies. No tearing. In under two weeks, the only physical sign I had that showcased my recent delivery was the fabulous rack I was sporting. Shame I didn't get to keep it.
Of course you can comment. Just don't declare it's a piece of cake like someone early on this thread proposed. :)
The closest one is a good bit away from us ... and given our hospital was great about letting us Bradley our way through it, I'm ok doing it that way again...
I liked my analogy better too. :o)
MM
I'm sitting here thanking the Good Lord that I have already had my babies. If childbirth were as bad as all of you are saying, why would anyone keep doing it?
Yes, childbirth is painful. Have meds if you want them. But for goodness sakes, the whining is obnoxious (says the woman who had who knows how many internal stitches because of a dry birth and tearing with my oldest).
Incidentally, the support my husband gave me was so incredible that... well, let's just say he was extremely satisfied even while my body was healing.
you can stand and hold hands all you want but its the moms' pelvic bones that are thinning and flattening out and its the moms' perineum that is stretched almost to the point of tearing and sometimes it does tear.....
geesh....
God created men and women....women bear the agony of childbirth, period...
men are in the vital position of protecting and providing for the mother and the children.....that is a God given assignment just like I think God assigned women to be nuturing and protective of the little ones....IMO only of course, I am sure there are many non-traditionalists out there who think moms and dads roles are reversible and I don't believe that is the intended way, not for one minute.....
do women like going thru childbirth?...No....
but childbirth is a relatively short lived event and the pain is forgotten quickly.....we wouldn't have billions on Earth if women refused to do the childbirth thingy....
If childbirth were as bad as all of you are saying, why would anyone keep doing it?
Well that's just plain stupid. Take a look at your children. You know exactly why people 'keep doing it'.
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