The Official Weekend Singles Thread

My 'assignment' for this special weekend singles thread was to outline what I believe are the ingredients of a long-term successful, loving marriage. Obviously, in the 'it takes two to tango' spirit, I engaged my adorable life-partner/incredible husband in the task, and together we compiled a list of recommendations and qualities that we believe have made our marriage work so well. Neither of us is perfect (especially me........he's close!), but we went into marriage with commitment and thought as well as love, and after 30 years we are more passionately in love than ever before, and are each other's deepest and most trusted friend.

We have grouped our thoughts in two categories.......considerations before marriage, and goals as part of marriage. There is nothing new nor revolutionary here, but we believe these things together have worked to make our marriage incredibly close, and a lot of fun. They are generally applicable, with some specific illustrative examples of our own relationship.

I. Important things to consider prior to marriage

So............these are the things that we both believe have helped make our marriage strong. The details may be different for others, but we believe the principles apply for every couple wanting to make their marriage really succeed. Some people say a good marriage takes 'work,' but we both disagree. We think that being married and trying to keep our marriage alive is great fun. It's God's plan, and it's awesome to be right in the middle of it!

Kate and Phil's Story of Love and Marriage

Phil and I first met back in the teen years when I started working at a local drive-in movie theatre where he was employed. There was a "no dating coworkers" policy and we were both into following (some) rules and didn't want to get fired, so we were just friends instead.

Apparently, we were both interested in each other, but too shy/insecure/whatever...to say anything, but we became friends.

I remember going to his house and he to mine when we were still in high school, but he was older and went off to college. During a few of his weekend visits, we went on a few dates, but then I didn't see him again for a good four or five years.

By then I was married AND pregnant, but ran into Phil at work, so it was strange (for both of us apparently) in the wishful thinking at that time. From time to time, I would go by his work and say hi when we were in town. By the time my marriage was definitely over (but I still had hopes of it not being over) Phil had gotten married and although his marriage was heading for over...neither of us was willing to admit that we were

separated from our spouses and divorces were filed.

We each went about our lives and once he changed jobs, I had no clue where he was. (Prior to that, where I would visit was a place where I would also visit my bestest high school friend's father as he worked in another department.)

Meanwhile, he had been looking for and looking up former classmates and one in particular that I also happened to know. This mutual friend had lived away from where we are now and I had all but given up talking to him ever again, when on a whim I looked him up in the phone book (kind of a one last time deal, as I couldn't remember Phil's last name, I didn't look him up and even if I remembered, I probably could have never spelled it...)

So, lo and behold, our mutual friend was listed and had been for a few years and I gave him a call. Meanwhile, between classmates.com and a high school reunion, Phil and our mutual friend had been talking and e-mailing, and Phil asked him if he knew how to get in contact with me, and the friend gave Phil my e-mail address.

So, our real official long-term dating was cyber dating as Phil had moved to TX and I was in Phoenix. We went from the occasional e-mail to IM and phone calls and that evolved to a long distance romance.

I went to Texas and lived with Phil for a year, but knew my heart was with my children and family. Phil was adamant about staying in TX.

Every time Phil asked me to marry him, I asked if he would consider moving to Phoenix. He kept saying no, so I returned to Phoenix.

When I ran away to safety and Phil's care I knew he loved me and would take care of me. When he let me go and let me move back to Phoenix to be with my children, I knew he loved me enough to let me go and be where I belonged.

When he asked me if I would marry him if he moved to Phoenix, he got the answer I wanted to give him all along.

We have been married just over four months and are still working on getting into a life and a routine in Phoenix and still feel like we are trying to get settled in, but we have come a long way together and are looking forward to many years of happiness and joy with my children and grandchild(ren).

For how long we have been friends, and the things we liked about each other, are still there.

Getting used to habits has been hard (I am secretive in general and I also kept a few government secrets for a long time that I don't keep secret any more), but by nature I just have never been a "talker", so that is changing.

He likes reality TV, my reality is like the TV show, "Medium." We both like "24" and wouldn't want it any other way.

We both enjoy sports and look forward to the Cowboys VS Cardinals game later this fall.

We managed to attend the same three schools of higher education, just never were both at any one at the same time.

I think the biggest piece of advice we can offer the single crowd is don't put yourself above dating anyone with "baggage" as you have clearly got "emotional baggage" in the form of selfishness. I know that God didn't make selfishness, but He did make caring and compassion. A heart of gold is worth far more than a free lunch...

When a heart of gold is the heart within, you will find someone for you with that exact same quality.

Did I mention that Phil also is conservative and was busy advocating for Bush before we started to discuss politics? I just loved sending him links to caption Kerry two summers ago.

Barb's Two Cents on Being a Newlywed and Some Advice on Cyberdating

Ahhhh...the bliss of being newly married! What joy! The birds are singing. The bees are buzzing. The flowers are blooming...

Okay, for me our honeymoon was a little different from most. Actually, our wedding was a little different from most. You see, hubby and I eloped (with 40 of our closest friends and relatives) in Reno in 2003—four weeks before he was to deploy to Iraq. We were already engaged, and had planned on a summer wedding, but one cold winter day, hubby got "the call", and three days later we found ourselves in Reno tying the knot.

Our honeymoon consisted of phone calls, emails, letters between here and Iraq—and lots of insomnia. At first it was strange being married to a man who was suddenly 6500 miles away, and it was even stranger that I could talk to him only when he was able to call me (every two to three weeks or so).

And so it went.

Our "real" honeymoon came 18 months later. We spent a week in Vegas (yeah, I know some folks find it a tacky place for a honeymoon, but hubby's never been, and I love the Luxor). We gambled, saw some of the shows, gambled, ate at the various restaurants, gambled, walked the Fremont Street Experience, gambled, got SMASHED in Quark's Bar and harassed a poor Borg and Klingon at the Hilton where they have the Star Trek Experience (we almost got kicked out—but we snapped some hilarious photos), and we gambled some more.

All fun and games aside, our marriage (going on year four now) is a very solid one. Hubby has a heart of gold, and I could not ask for a better man. I would have to say that absence made our marriage grow stronger. We still feel like newlyweds. We are like “kids” with each other. We are the two most happy-go-luckiest-people I know, on the planet.

Some advice on cyberdating.

Back in the day, I was the Queen of Cyberdating. I started meeting men online as far back as 1996. Match.com was the ONLY online dating site (with something like, 200 local members). It took a lot of chatting, meeting bozo after bozo, and dating horrible men who were nothing like their profiles before I realized I was doing everything wrong from the very beginning. By the time I met my hubby in a Yahoo chatroom by total accident (most of you know this story) 5 years later, I had finally learned some very big lessons.

That said, here are some of my do’s and don’ts when it comes to cyberdating:

Be honest about yourself in your profile, and post an accurate, recent picture of yourself. By all means, SMILE. If you don’t, you’ll look angry and unapproachable. Trust me. You’ll want a pic (or several pics) of yourself doing some favorite activity, and at least one nice head-and-shoulder shot.
Be concise and to the point when writing your profile. Be eloquent, and don’t ramble incessantly. Poetry is big turn-off for a lot of people. Unless you are a master, avoid poetry at all costs. You’ll put people to sleep. List your preferences accurately and pick people to chat with who are close to what you’re looking for. Don’t fall for an ultra-liberal America-hating chick…just because she’s really hot.
Try and meet someone who lives within driving distance. Unless you have the time and money to travel, stick to meeting your potential future spouse within a reasonable distance from you. Don’t fall in love with someone you can’t afford to fly out to meet.
Don’t fall in love with the very first nice looking person (whom you know nothing about) who gives you the time of day. Stick to your guns. If you’re looking for your future spouse, keep in mind all of the qualities you are looking for in that person. Don’t ever lose focus.
Sell yourself. Tell your potential future spouse what a great person you are. Don’t be negative or down about yourself. Don’t appear pathetic. Be yourself and put your best foot forward. If you don’t appear to be a reasonably healthy, happy, positive person you’ll scare people away. Trust me.

GIRLS: Meet your potential future spouse in a very public place. For your very first date, only meet for coffee or drinks where you can chat for as long or as short as you are comfortable with. It’s easier to split the scene quickly if you are just sipping something, and not in the middle of dinner or stuck with a loser date in the middle of a 3-hour flick. NEVER leave your drink unattended. Before you use the restroom, finish your drink, or order a new drink once you’re back to your table. By all means, drive yourself to your destination, DO NOT EVER let your date pick you up on your first date. Tell a friend, family member, someone—anyone—where you will be and when you should be home. Take your cell phone with you. Park in a visible area.

This is probably the toughest part about meeting your future spouse—know exactly what you are looking for and settle for nothing less. Do not fall in love with someone's potential, but for who they really are. This was the one mistake I made over and over. Don't ever meet someone and try and fix them later. Also, be realistic. Unless you’re a super hot daddy, don’t go looking for a super hot mama.

It took me years and years of dating the same type of loser with a different name, and one failed marriage to a closet alcoholic, before I finally ‘grew-up’ and decided I would not settle for anything less anymore. Period. I literally sat down and made a list of all the attributes I had to have in a man. In fact, what had happened was I learned the very long and hard way about everything I did not want in a guy through my own personal trial-and-error. (Mostly error.) It was only after this personal epiphany that I met my true-love. And it didn't take long.

To: Maximus_Ridiculousness

Tomorrow's theme is going to be the Israeli soldiers trying to fight but having some difficulty, because the shark is standing behind them trying to instruct them on how to fight a more humane war.

521 posted on 07/31/2006 12:30:01 AM PDT by pcottraux (It's pronounced "P. Coe-troe.")

Yeah, I was pretty disappointed because he didn't get into the same level of detail. He only touched the surface. He should have gotten a real female to write and narrate it.

522 posted on 07/31/2006 12:33:16 AM PDT by Maximus_Ridiculousness (Islamofascists: Kul khara we moot moot moot!!! - Insh'allah!)

Cool! Can't wait to see it.

523 posted on 07/31/2006 12:33:37 AM PDT by Maximus_Ridiculousness (Islamofascists: Kul khara we moot moot moot!!! - Insh'allah!)

hi strangers........I watched both also and definitely the men's one seemed better

524 posted on 07/31/2006 12:34:06 AM PDT by TheresaKett

525 posted on 07/31/2006 12:38:53 AM PDT by Maximus_Ridiculousness (Islamofascists: Kul khara we moot moot moot!!! - Insh'allah!)

To: Maximus_Ridiculousness

I guess maybe I missed that since I don't know what goes on in Lady's rooms.

Although I do remember a really funny Dilbert strip:

"Come on, girls! I rented 'Gone with the Wind!' Let's go to the Lady's Room and watch it on the big screen TV!"

"I call the red sofa!"

A few minutes later, Wally approaches Dilbert and says, "Hey, look! The Men's Room has SOAP now!"

526 posted on 07/31/2006 12:41:27 AM PDT by pcottraux (It's pronounced "P. Coe-troe.")

527 posted on 07/31/2006 12:44:00 AM PDT by pcottraux (It's pronounced "P. Coe-troe.")

To: Maximus_Ridiculousness

hello!!

Was at the Mouse House after church last Sunday.

528 posted on 07/31/2006 12:44:03 AM PDT by TheresaKett

529 posted on 07/31/2006 12:44:43 AM PDT by TheresaKett

Ah, the Mouse House...sounds like fun.

I didn't get to have any fun. I was too busy at the store bore.

530 posted on 07/31/2006 12:48:19 AM PDT by pcottraux (It's pronounced "P. Coe-troe.")

Hope you enjoy your day off.

531 posted on 07/31/2006 12:49:22 AM PDT by TheresaKett

Ah...I've dreamed about that sweet day for so long now.

I had forgotten what days off were like.

532 posted on 07/31/2006 12:51:34 AM PDT by pcottraux (It's pronounced "P. Coe-troe.")

17 Items to Remember

1. ISRAEL BECAME A STATE IN 1312 B.C., TWO MILLENNIA BEFORE ISLAM;

2. ARAB REFUGEES FROM ISRAEL BEGAN CALLING THEMSELVES "PALESTINIANS" IN 1967, TWO DECADES AFTER (MODERN) ISRAELI STATEHOOD;

3. AFTER CONQUERING THE LAND IN 1272 B.C., JEWS RULED IT FOR A THOUSAND YEARS AND MAINTAINED A CONTINUOUS PRESENCE THERE FOR 3,300 YEARS;

4. THE ONLY ARAB RULE FOLLOWING CONQUEST IN 633 B.C. LASTED JUST 22 YEARS;

5. FOR OVER 3,300 YEARS, JERUSALEM WAS THE JEWISH CAPITAL. IT WAS NEVER THE CAPITAL OF ANY ARAB OR MUSLIM ENTITY. EVEN UNDER JORDANIAN RULE,(EAST)JERUSALEM WAS NOT MADE THE CAPITAL, AND NO ARAB LEADER CAME TO VISIT IT;

6. JERUSALEM IS MENTIONED OVER 700 TIMES IN THE BIBLE, BUT NOT ONCE IS IT MENTIONED IN THE QUR'AN;

7. KING DAVID FOUNDED JERUSALEM; MOHAMMED NEVER SET FOOT IN IT;

8. JEWS PRAY FACING JERUSALEM; MUSLIMS FACE MECCA.
IF THEY ARE BETWEEN THE TWO CITIES, MUSLIMS PRAY FACING MECCA, WITH THEIR BACKS TO JERUSALEM;

9. IN 1948, ARAB LEADERS URGED THEIR PEOPLE TO LEAVE, PROMISING TO CLEANSE THE LAND OF JEWISH PRESENCE. 68% OF THEM FLED WITHOUT EVER SETTING EYES ON AN ISRAELI SOLDIER;

10. VIRTUALLY THE ENTIRE JEWISH POPULATION OF MUSLIM COUNTRIES HAD TO FLEE AS THE RESULT OF VIOLENCE AND POGROMS;

11. SOME 630,000 ARABS LEFT ISRAEL IN 1948, WHILE CLOSE TO A MILLION JEWS WERE FORCED TO LEAVE THE MUSLIM COUNTRIES;

12. IN SPITE OF THE VAST TERRITORIES AT THEIR DISPOSAL, ARAB REFUGESS WERE DELIBERATELY PREVENTED FROM ASSIMILATING INTO THEIR HOST COUNTRIES. OF 100 MILLION REFUGEES FOLLOWING WORLD WAR 2, THEY ARE THE ONLY GROUP TO HAVE NEVER INTEGRATED WITH THEIR CORELIGIONISTS. MOST OF THE JEWISH REFUGEES FROM EUROPE AND ARAB LANDS WERE SETTL ED IN ISRAEL, A COUNTRY NO LARGER THAN NEW JERSEY;

13. THERE ARE 22 MUSLIM COUNTRIES, NOT COUNTING PALESTINE. THERE IS ONLY ONE JEWISH STATE. ARABS STARTED ALL FIVE WARS AGAINST ISRAEL, AND LOST EVERY ONE OF THEM;

14. FATAH AND HAMAS CONSTITUTIONS STILL CALL FOR THE DESTRUCTION OF ISRAEL. ISRAEL CEDED MOST OF THE WEST BANK AND ALL OF GAZA TO THE PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY, AND EVEN PROVIDED IT WITH ARMS;

15. DURING THE JORDANIAN OCCUPATION, JEWISH HOLY SITES WERE VANDALIZED AND WERE OFF LIMITS TO JEWS. UNDER ISRAELI RULE, ALL MUSLIM AND CHRISTIAN HOLY SITES ARE ACCESSIBLE TO ALL FAITHS;

16. OUT OF 175 UNITED NATIONS SECURITY COUNCIL RESOLUTIONS UP TO 1990, 97 WERE AGAINST ISRAEL; OUT OF 690 GENERAL ASSEMBLY RESOLUTIONS, 429 WERE AGAINST ISRAEL;

17. THE U.N. WAS SILENT WHEN THE JORDANIANS DESTROYED 58 SYNAGOGUES IN THE OLD CITY OF JERUSALEM. IT REMAINED SILENT WHILE JORDAN SYSTEMATICALLY DESECRATED THE ANCIENT JEWISH CEMETERY ON THE MOUNT OF OLIVES, AND IT REMAINED SILENT WHEN JORDAN ENFORCED APARTHEID LAWS PREVENTING JEWS FROM ACCESSING THE TEMPLE MOUNT AND WESTERN WALL.

THESE ARE TRYING TIMES. WE MUST ASK OURSELVES WHAT WE SHOULD BE DOING, AND WHAT WE WILL TELL OUR GRANDCHILDREN ABOUT OUR ACTIONS DURING THIS CRISIS, WHEN WE HAD THE CHANCE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

533 posted on 07/31/2006 12:52:37 AM PDT by TheresaKett

Too funny.

Yes, some ladies rooms can be luxurious with couches and places to actually sit and powder noses, usually in posh hotels or casinos.

Remember when I mentioned my trip to Vegas (in my spiel at the beginning of the thread) I got SMASHED at Quark's Bar at he Vegas Hilton? Well, me and this other lady who was just as drunk as I was heard from her husband that the men's room had talking urinals with video screens. Apparently, the video screen activated upon “use” showing some star trek character telling you something important. If I remember correctly, it said different things at random.

Well, feeling rather gypped (there was no such video device in OUR bathroom) in our drunken stupor we ran into the men’s room (it was empty) and took snapshots of the men’s urinal “in action”. We almost got kicked out, but since the bar and casino area was mostly empty, security didn’t seem to care too much.

I got pictures from that too. If you’re lucky I’ll throw them up on my webpage for a short while and you can see them. The Star Trek area is a really neat thing to see. (Especially if you love Star Trek.)

534 posted on 07/31/2006 12:52:41 AM PDT by Maximus_Ridiculousness (Islamofascists: Kul khara we moot moot moot!!! - Insh'allah!)

To: Maximus_Ridiculousness

535 posted on 07/31/2006 12:54:51 AM PDT by TheresaKett

Did you have a good time at the Mouse House?

536 posted on 07/31/2006 12:57:34 AM PDT by Maximus_Ridiculousness (Islamofascists: Kul khara we moot moot moot!!! - Insh'allah!)

To: Maximus_Ridiculousness

Oh, man...that's hysterical!

In Vegas, they're clearly not content to let you just use the bathroom--there has to be some sort of entertainment going on.

537 posted on 07/31/2006 12:58:15 AM PDT by pcottraux (It's pronounced "P. Coe-troe.")

538 posted on 07/31/2006 12:58:40 AM PDT by Maximus_Ridiculousness (Islamofascists: Kul khara we moot moot moot!!! - Insh'allah!)

To: Maximus_Ridiculousness

Vegas...it's like...

...wow.

The land of...

...wow.

539 posted on 07/31/2006 1:00:09 AM PDT by pcottraux (It's pronounced "P. Coe-troe.")

To: Maximus_Ridiculousness

This is what it really is like..........

I have always wondered why women always go in pairs and took so long other than having to stand in line

My mother was a fanatic about public restrooms. When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall, show me how to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet s eat. Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat.

That was a long time ago. Now, in my "mature" years, "The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to maintain. When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors.

Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you
would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your
precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because,you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because,frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet
paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At that point, you give up.

You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here,
you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

.. . .This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the
other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door.

540 posted on 07/31/2006 1:01:41 AM PDT by TheresaKett

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