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You scored as Jack. You are Jack O'Neill and his superiority complex. You feel you need to be important.
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What Stargate character and their personality problem are you?
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Posted on 07/14/2006 12:42:03 AM PDT by sully777
201...my job is done....
You'd never believe it, but I bumped into a famous stuntman in a motorcycle shop the other day.
He was complaining because he couldn't decide whether to buy a bike with a high top speed but poor acceleration, or one with lots of torque and a fast acceleration but a poor top speed.
Eventually he decided on the second one because it cost a lot less.
After all, torque is cheap.
LOL!!
Where do watch makers go to unwind?
Can a pig ever pull his hamstring?
Will: A dead giveaway.
Crib notes: Instructions for making a baby's bed.
Kindred: Fear of one's relatives.
Do you only sell grandfather's clocks to old timers?
Shrink wrap: When psychologists meet to discuss their patients.
Bacteria: Rear entrance to a cafeteria.
The president of the candle company was snuffed out by the mafia. Police were at the wicks ends trying to find the killers.
Diagnostic: When a person dies without believing in God.
I signed up for skydiving lessons but later dropped out.
Sign in a veterinarian's window: Have your pets neutered: NO littering allowed!
Twins: An infant replay.
Sign in a plastic surgeon's office: Come in and pick your nose.
Sign seen in a gardening nursery: Weed 'em and reap.
Benign: The year after you be eight.
Julius Ceasar after being stabbed: Quick, call IXII!
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Evangelical Movement: Trying to get along with the opposite sects.
Sign in a motel: Pets are allowed, but you must leave a small deposit in case your pet does.
Germany is being overpopulated...it is simply too krauted!
Sign in garden: My plants grow by trowel and error.
The doctor knew he was in love with her from the moment he cauterize.
Sign in veterinarian's office: We will be back shortly. Sit! Stay!
When decorating your house to sell it, potpourri makes a lot of scents.
When the New York Yankees played the Bangkok Braves, it ended up in a Thai game.
I'm keeping my ion electric cars.
It is hard to treason with terrorists.
The movie "Pearl Harbor" bombed at the box office.
Do you wash your watch with dial soap?
I had to pleat with the dry cleaner to put a crease in my pants.
I was once a Spokesperson for Schwinn Bicycles.
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You scored as Jack. You are Jack O'Neill and his superiority complex. You feel you need to be important.
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One December meeting of the District Chess Club at the local Holiday Inn the booze was flowing especially freely because all the would-be Chessmasters were in the holiday mood. One group of players had become especially liquered up and did not want to leave when the meeting ended. They moved to the bar where they started recounting some of their best matches. It started off innocently enough but pretty soon it became apparent that they were no longer sticking to reality as their exploits became ever more incredible.
The bar finally closed but our erstwhile board-gamers just could not quit as they continued to regail each other with their supposed victories. So they found a couch in the entry way and kept at it until the wee hours of the morning.
Finally, the hotel manager came over and said, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but you're going to have to leave. If there's one thing I can't abide in my hotel it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Shalom.
If at first you don't succeed ...
Skydiving isn't your sport.
Shalom.
Cat toed ray tube monitor.
hehehe...
My favourite one:
Julius Ceasar after being stabbed: Quick, call IXII!
LMAO!!!!
Julius Ceasar after being stabbed: Quick, call IXII!
Er, that would be CMXI...
Or for a computer hack after being stabbed: Quick, call 38F!!
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off these bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
And the pick of the literature:
18. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole
My mistake--I read the number...8^)
For years and years, a doctor had been having a drink after work at the same bar. Every time he walked in the door, the barman would mix his favourite drink, a hazelnut daiquiri.One day, the bartender didn't have any hazelnuts in the bar. Wondering what to do, he spied some hickory nuts and tried to make the drink from them instead.The doctor came in at his regular time, took a sip of the drink and exclaimed "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No," said the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
ROTFLMAO!!!!
Half the laddies at the Palm Springs "pride" parades carry those signs...
"Well, I just came over to this wonderful country a few weeks ago but I left my two dear brothers back in the old country. When I left we agreed that we'd maintain our family ties by taking a drink at the same time every Friday. So I order one for me and one for each of my brothers. They're together over in Ireland with an extra shot for me."
The bartender is pretty impressed by this fraternal show of affection and soon starts readying the three shots before his Irish patron arrives each week.
One week the Irishman comes in at his usual time but pushes one of the shots back across the bar and says, "I won't be needing this one today."
The bartender is visibly upset at this and asks, "There's nothing wrong with one of your brothers, is there?"
"No, 'tis nothing like that," he replies. "It's just that, you see, I'm giving up drinking."
Shalom.
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