Roll Call:
Up early...or late?
Ok, I want in the OFST ping list!!
Just remember: It really isn't my fault.
Hmmmmm....got an early start I see.
I see no puns here........
Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.
Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!".
The other replied, "No, it's not!".
The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.
To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by it's clover."
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that
I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care
of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to
me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a
short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When
I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
"When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the
sidewalk."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "how much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers'
license It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks,
"How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
A lawyer married a woman who had divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"But how can that be if you've been married ten times," asked the puzzled groom.
"Well, husband 1 was a sales rep; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was in software; he wasn't sure how it was supposed to work, but he said he'd look into it & get back to me.
Husband 3 was from field services; he said everything checked out but he couldn't get the system up.
Husband 4 was a telemarketer; he knew he had the order but he didn't know when he'd be able to deliver.
Husband 5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted to design & implement a new state-of-the-art process.
Husband 6 was an administrator; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure it was his job.
Husband 7 was in marketing; he had a nice product but he was never sure how to position it.
Husband 8 was a psychologist; all he did was talk about it. Husband 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband 10 was a stamp collector; all he did was.... God, I miss him!
But now I'm married to you & I'm really excited!"
"I'm glad to hear that," said the new husband,
"but why?"
"Because," she replied,
"you're a lawyer and this time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
