The locksmiths' brass band leader was asked to give a keynote speech.
The price of chess pieces was going up. I had to buy quickly, so I decided to contact my pawn broker.
My biologist friend tells me that constantly developing new varieties of plant can be a strain.
A jump-lead walks into a bar, and looks around aggressively at the other customers.
The barman says "All right, I'll serve you... but don't start anything."
Relieving Stress at Work
1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
2. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". (At Least for the Male co-workers.)
3. Address your boss as "your excellency".
4. When your boss turns on his laser pointer in a conference meeting, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
5. Sniff suspiciously at your boss and ask if she/he's been drinking.
6. Correct your boss at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
7. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when your boss can't understand you.
8. Wink at your boss every few minutes.
9. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the office.
10. Start a "wave" in the conference room.
There were two cows in a field. One said: "Moo." The other one said, "Hey! Stop it -- that's MY line!!"
Hey Nuke, get much rain? It missed us for the most part but hit downtown Tulsa pretty badly.