TGIF
Yikes!
Woohoo! Now I can celebrate the OFST even though I work midnights!
Thanks - I'm too tired during the day to do much celebrating.
I'm told this is a real court room exchange...
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Top 100!
From: Mrs Breggie Williams For sure this mail would definitely come to you as a surprise, but do take your good time to painstakenly go through it before disposing it, as I mean well. ln briefy introduction, l am Mrs Breggie Williams a nationality of Philippine . I am married to Mr. Chima Willimas who worked with Filipino embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2001. We were married for eleven years without a child. he died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were living together in good harmony. When my late husband was alive we deposited the sum of USD$6.5Million (Six Million Five hundred thousand U.S. Dollars) in one of good security company here in COTE D' IVOIRE . Presently, this money is still with the security company. Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next three months due to cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke.Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to Ophanage (less previlages) or to an individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here acording to my desire. I needed good and God fearing partner that will use this fund for the helping orphanages. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband,s relatives are not Christians and never loved me for once through out my marriage expereince with my late husband. therefor,I don,t want my family hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I don't want a situation whereby this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going to. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health as my Medical Doctor advised and because of the presence of my family relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the security company who will assist you and work with you concerning the deposited money in the security company. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the partner and the beneficiary of the money. I want you to always pray for me, My happiness is that I lived a life of a aged mother and worthy Christian. Any delay in your reply will give me room in looking for contact for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act Accordingly as I stated here. reply through this email:bridggiell@caramail.com From Mrs Breggie Williams. bridggiell@caramail.com
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
An man was being tailgated on a busy boulevard by a stressed out woman late for her hair appointment. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by gunning it through the intersection.
The tailgating woman barely avoided hitting his car, but did hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, she was let out of her cell and escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian Fish emblem on the trunk.
Naturally... I assumed you had stolen the car."