Posted on 03/03/2006 5:38:05 AM PST by Xenophobic Alien
I was in the book store the other day and could not resist putting "my life" by the BJ right under the big fiction sign! LMAO
It was released in 1965, so I turned 3 at the end of that year. I am the youngest child of four, though, so I was very hip musically. I was singing with my sister about as soon as I could talk. (Not well.)
Aren't you gonna send us to our room??
I confess to putting Michael Moore's books in the toiletry section every Saturday when I went grocery shopping!
Excellent. I knew I liked you!
An Indian scouting party captures a cowboy from a bar and brings him back to their camp to meet the chief.
The chief says to the cowboy, "You going die, but we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. At sundown third day, you die. What first wish?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse." The indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the back. The horse takes off.
Two hours later, the horse comesback with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man... only think one thing."
The second day, the chief says, "What wish today?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the back.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man going die tomorrow ... can only think one thing."
The last day comes, and the chief says, "This last wish, white man. What want?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips you idiot! POSSE, damn it!
P-O-S-S-E!"
Thank you, thank you very much!
Here's another:
Bailing wire
Preparation H
36" Aluminum pipe wrench
4 pounds fileted scrod.
*gasp*
Who will chaperone us now?
I like you, too! pcottreaux must be right.
toiletry or toilet cleaners?
Here are a few things to think about that you may have never thought about before
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
just things I think about
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
Two wrestlers an American and a Russian were the finialists in the World Championship event.
They were preparing to meet each other in the final round and the American coach was giving instructions to his star wrestler.
The coach was saying, "Beware of the Russian and his famous hold the pretzel. No one has ever got out of that hold!."
The match begins and the wrestlers cirlcle for an advantage. The Russian finally gets an advantage on the American and in moments he is in the dreaded pretzel hold.
The spectators start to get up to leave, even the coach throws his arms in the air and proceeds to leave.
Suddenly there is a blood curdling scream and the Russian goes flying across the canvas, and the American wrestler feebly crawls over and pins him for the title.
Later the American coach asked, "How did you get out of that hold?"
The wrestler responds, "Well I knew I was dead meat when he got me in that hold. I opened my eyes and through the blur I could see these big pink testicles.
So I stretched my neck with all my might and I bit down on those babies just as hard as I could.
It's amazing how much strength you can come up with when you bite your own balls!"
I dunno...I guess we'll have to chaperone ourselves!
*wink wink*
in with the toilet paper, is a better way to describe it. I did this every weekend for months...
the famous chicken cannon episode!
perfect!
over my head again... zing zing
I'm going to hurt the rest of the day after reading that!
Thanks a lot!
;-)
Now, just where would I buy one of these horses?
Damn, I just got that in an e-mail from a good friend this morning!
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