[Woman on Caroline Street]

Your best bet would be to go with a firm like "Dewey, Cheatham and Howe".

If I was ever in your position, I'd go with the one that still has the last client's spouse's testicles still hanging from his chin.

[lawgirl]

Christian or not, you need a bulldog. I am not licensed in your state, but it sounds like you have really strong grounds for alimony and support from him, so go get it and take that dog for every dollar he has.

[Aggie Mama]

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. What you wrote could have been written by my SIL who is going through this right now. Obsessive phone calling, pathological lying, etc...It's so very sad and you just want to smack the person that is breaking the marriage vows.

As painful as it may be, I agree with the other posters--you must get a good attorney. Print up those phone records, watch your credit card bills for any jump in spending.

You and your children have my unending prayers.

[John O]

Since you have confronted him with his sin and he has refused to repent you are biblically entitled to divorce him.

I know you state that you still love him but by remaining married to him with his behavior as it is you are enabling him to abuse you and your chidlren. Somehow you've got to slap him upside the head and get him to change (Actually God works the change but you have to help).

Filing for divorce may be enough to bring him to his senses. If not, then going through with the divorce may be. There is nothing to stop you two from remarrying if he does come to his senses later and you desire him back (You are under no obligation however as he broke the vows).

I'd recommend filing and taking him for everything he has or ever will have. Likewise file suit against his plaything as she has alienated his affections from you.

(and of course keep praying for him)

We're praying for you

[GreenHornet]

I am sorry you are going through such pain. You and your children are in my prayers tonight.

[HitmanLV]

I know a Catholic hitman in Nevada. :-)

[navygal]

I will pray for you, I hope you can forgive them both too.

[holdmuhbeer]

Sorry to hear that maam, my ex wife did that to me a couple years ago. Hurts like hell doesn't it? Remember though that which does not kill us makes us stronger. I'm better off without the crazy chicka and you'll be better off without him.

[blue-duncan]

You have had some very good advice here and I don't mean to confuse you any more or add to your problems with more advice. The Lord knows your circumstances and is Lord over them even during this storm when all seems lost. Let me give you some practical advice for now.

Sit down and go over all of your finances listing all of your assets and liabilities so you know what is available and where you stand. You need to know what the financial condition is rather then the unknown.

Figure out your weekly, monthly and yearly budget for the family. Be sure to include all expenses, such as mortgage/rent, real property taxes, food, clothing, utilities, insurance medical, haircuts, entertainment etc. Make sure it is exhaustive, don't start thinking at this time of things you can cut out.

List all income from all sources. When taking into account your husband's income, most courts look at earning capacity if he is under employed so list both and be sure you have proof of his actual earning capacity.

If there is not enough income to cover the expenses, especially if you are using earning capacity then you have a very hard decision. The courts are not going to make him do the impossible. If there is going to be a divorce there will be two households living on the income and most courts today are only interested in the financial aspects and not the fault issues. The court will allow him sufficient to live on so that has to be taken into consideration in the budget.

I recognize you don't want the divorce and are morally against it, but marriage takes two and from what you write, he is not willing. Therefore you have to plan to be an independent, single parent and that probably will mean seeking employment outside the home in order to support the family and not rely totally on him. If he is undependable and selfish now, when the divorce or separation happens he will become even more undependable and you can't rely on the courts to enforce in a timely manner any awards for support and alimony.

If you don't have marketable job skills you need to start looking into community college courses or entry level training programs. You don't want to wake up in two years when the divorce becomes final and then have to start looking. Plan now and move on it. Don't totally rely on him to do the right thing. He is incapable of doing it. Most courts will award what is called rehabilitative alimony which is a fancy phrase for paid schooling.

Another friend has already posted excellent advice and that is start taking control of the situation. The longer you wait the easier it is for him to carry on and that is a poor example for the kids, both your enabling and his sin, actually both are sin. You as a wife and sister in the Lord have confronted him and he refuses to change so put him out legally and let him experience the consequences of his actions. Get a lawyer, get him in front of a judge and get exclusive possession of the house, settle the custody issue, get temporary alimony and support and get on with what the Lord has for you for the rest of your life. Many times your independence will cause a wandering husband to take notice.

God is taking you through a valley where at times you will not be able to see the way or feel secure. In fact there will be times that you will long for the security of this bad relationship rather than the seeming uncertainty of the way He is taking you. But rest assured He has already gone through it before you and with you and He knows the way.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Could the fact you keep asking for peoples advice on a web forum when you should be seeking the guidance of your husband have anything to do with it?