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Texas Grand Jury Indicts Ham Sandwich, But Charges Don’t Pass Mustard
HR's Fertile and Twisted Mind
| HR
Posted on 09/29/2005 7:13:57 PM PDT by hispanarepublicana
AUSTIN (AP) - A Texas grand jury on Wednesday indicted a ham sandwich and two side dishes on charges of conspiracy in a blue plate special scheme, forcing the featured menu item to temporarily relinquish its relished post despite the fact that the charges mayo or mayo not stick.
"I have done nothing wrong. ... Olive us are innocent, just lettuce prove it," the sandwich told a Capitol Hill news conference during which he criticized the Texas prosecutor, Ronnie Earle, repeatedly. The sandwich said the charges amounted to "a bunch of baloney."
With a rye expression, Earle told reporters, "Our job is to prosecute abuses of power and to bring those abuses to the public." He has noted previously that he has prosecuted many hoagies and poboys in the past.
Chefs at the Capitol Grille selected tuna salad with Cool Whip - No. 3 in the menu favorites ranks as a temporary sandwich filling.
Other menu items expressed their backing for the ham sandwich, the first daily special to be indicted in at least a century.
A visiting Italian official also expressed confidence. "I cannelloni say that hes got a tough crust, and he can take it. He will fight this and soon itll all be a thing of the past-a," said Minister Oni, the soup of the day.
The ham sandwich said he was certain the indictment would be dismissed and shrugged off the charges as an open-faced lie any way you slice it.
Here's what the dill is: it looks like the potato chips are down, but these lies will ketchup to Earle, the sandwich said, vowing that he would rise to the occasion to fight the charges. "There's no time to loaf. We've got to spread the truth."
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: delay; earle; trumpedup
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To: llevrok
61
posted on
09/29/2005 9:06:07 PM PDT
by
llevrok
(Course 090. Magnetic.)
To: Blurblogger
All this lawyer talk is making me hungry.
62
posted on
09/29/2005 9:07:46 PM PDT
by
Boazo
(From the mind of BOAZO)
To: hispanarepublicana
Earle to bread, Earle too wise, makes a hammsammich guilty of lies.
63
posted on
09/29/2005 9:08:21 PM PDT
by
gortklattu
(Check out Thotline dot com)
To: hispanarepublicana
64
posted on
09/29/2005 9:09:24 PM PDT
by
OKIEDOC
(There's nothing like hearing someone say thank you for your help.)
To: Miss Behave
my sissie's name is Betty Juan Sir. ;-)Tell your sissie to drop the "Sir" from her name! ;D
65
posted on
09/29/2005 9:10:41 PM PDT
by
BigSkyFreeper
("Don't Get Stuck On Stupid!" - Lieutenant General Russell "Ragin' Cajun" Honore)
To: Miss Behave; hispanarepublicana
I suspect hispanarepublicana is a fungi to be around. :)
66
posted on
09/29/2005 9:12:05 PM PDT
by
BigSkyFreeper
("Don't Get Stuck On Stupid!" - Lieutenant General Russell "Ragin' Cajun" Honore)
To: Boazo; Blurblogger
"All this lawyer talk is making me hungry."Me too, Boazo and Blur. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse's butt through a park bench.
67
posted on
09/29/2005 9:12:45 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: BigSkyFreeper
LOL, Big Sky Guy. :-)
And I'm assuming you got the name joke. ;-)
68
posted on
09/29/2005 9:15:54 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: hispanarepublicana; potlatch; devolve; Zacs Mom; bitt; Smartass; PhilDragoo; onyx; Happy2BMe; ...
HR, that was too rich! I'm going to pack up the picnic and send it along to some good FRiends.
69
posted on
09/29/2005 9:17:59 PM PDT
by
ntnychik
To: hispanarepublicana
Pretty funny inspiration, I got a kick out of it.
70
posted on
09/29/2005 9:18:45 PM PDT
by
Ursus arctos horribilis
("It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees!" Emiliano Zapata 1879-1919)
To: ntnychik; pissant
"HR, that was too rich! I'm going to pack up the picnic and send it along to some good FRiends."Ant attack.
71
posted on
09/29/2005 9:24:05 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: Miss Behave; Boazo; hispanarepublicana
"I'm so hungry I could eat a horse's butt through a park bench."
Well Boazo, this sounds like one hungry, costly date! I'm already had dinner this evening, unfortunately.
Bo, you're a man of means..... Actually, she sounds like a down-home regular girl, she'd probably would be OK with seabiscuits and gravy--she didn't specify Arabians....
LOL
72
posted on
09/29/2005 9:24:37 PM PDT
by
The Spirit Of Allegiance
(SAVE THE BRAINFOREST! Boycott the RED Dead Tree Media & NUKE the DNC Class Action Temper Tantrum!)
To: Miss Behave
73
posted on
09/29/2005 9:25:18 PM PDT
by
BigSkyFreeper
("Don't Get Stuck On Stupid!" - Lieutenant General Russell "Ragin' Cajun" Honore)
To: hispanarepublicana; ntnychik
LOL, you have a very 'tasty' way of writing!
74
posted on
09/29/2005 9:28:41 PM PDT
by
potlatch
(Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?)
To: Miss Behave
LOL.....I'll own up to "ham" as long as the hotdogs who'er really just weenies fess up !......:o)
Hope yer well young lady !
75
posted on
09/29/2005 9:36:54 PM PDT
by
Squantos
(Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. ©)
To: Blurblogger; Boazo
LOL, Blur!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just went like a race horse. Ranks.
And yep, you better bring your heavily hinged and loaded money clip when you're picking me up for a dinner date, guys. I just hope that my feedbag fits in your trunk, otherwise I'll have to wear it on the way to the restaurant, placing it in danger of airbag deployment damage. And *hay*, that wouldn't be good.
And don't tell anyone that I really am a down-home regular girl, it'll blow my cover. ;-)
76
posted on
09/29/2005 9:39:27 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: Miss Behave
"And yep, you better bring your heavily hinged and loaded money clip when you're picking me up for a dinner date,"
As has been said, there is NOTHING more expensive than a girl that's free for the evening.... ;^)
77
posted on
09/29/2005 9:41:22 PM PDT
by
The Spirit Of Allegiance
(SAVE THE BRAINFOREST! Boycott the RED Dead Tree Media & NUKE the DNC Class Action Temper Tantrum!)
To: Squantos
78
posted on
09/29/2005 9:42:37 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: ntnychik
DeLay O' da land is not promising for the D(o)A....
79
posted on
09/29/2005 9:53:26 PM PDT
by
devolve
(-------------- (--- under deconstruction ---)
To: Blurblogger
"As has been said, there is NOTHING more expensive than a girl that's free for the evening.... ;^)"This is True Grits. ;-)
80
posted on
09/29/2005 9:54:35 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
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