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Texas Grand Jury Indicts Ham Sandwich, But Charges Don’t Pass Mustard
HR's Fertile and Twisted Mind
| HR
Posted on 09/29/2005 7:13:57 PM PDT by hispanarepublicana
AUSTIN (AP) - A Texas grand jury on Wednesday indicted a ham sandwich and two side dishes on charges of conspiracy in a blue plate special scheme, forcing the featured menu item to temporarily relinquish its relished post despite the fact that the charges mayo or mayo not stick.
"I have done nothing wrong. ... Olive us are innocent, just lettuce prove it," the sandwich told a Capitol Hill news conference during which he criticized the Texas prosecutor, Ronnie Earle, repeatedly. The sandwich said the charges amounted to "a bunch of baloney."
With a rye expression, Earle told reporters, "Our job is to prosecute abuses of power and to bring those abuses to the public." He has noted previously that he has prosecuted many hoagies and poboys in the past.
Chefs at the Capitol Grille selected tuna salad with Cool Whip - No. 3 in the menu favorites ranks as a temporary sandwich filling.
Other menu items expressed their backing for the ham sandwich, the first daily special to be indicted in at least a century.
A visiting Italian official also expressed confidence. "I cannelloni say that hes got a tough crust, and he can take it. He will fight this and soon itll all be a thing of the past-a," said Minister Oni, the soup of the day.
The ham sandwich said he was certain the indictment would be dismissed and shrugged off the charges as an open-faced lie any way you slice it.
Here's what the dill is: it looks like the potato chips are down, but these lies will ketchup to Earle, the sandwich said, vowing that he would rise to the occasion to fight the charges. "There's no time to loaf. We've got to spread the truth."
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: delay; earle; trumpedup
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To: hispanarepublicana
JK, of course, hispana. You are VERY funny. Thanks for the smiles. :-)
And a BIG BUMP.
21
posted on
09/29/2005 7:56:42 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: hispanarepublicana
He's in a real pickle over the alibi.
22
posted on
09/29/2005 8:00:00 PM PDT
by
NormsRevenge
(Semper Fi ... "To remain silent when they should protest makes cowards of men." -- THOMAS JEFFERSON)
To: Miss Behave
Miss Behave, do you know my neighbor, Mal Content?
23
posted on
09/29/2005 8:00:16 PM PDT
by
llevrok
(Course 090. Magnetic.)
To: NormsRevenge
He'll be singing a different tuna.
24
posted on
09/29/2005 8:03:29 PM PDT
by
llevrok
(Course 090. Magnetic.)
To: llevrok
I think I saw him with my sister.
25
posted on
09/29/2005 8:06:31 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: hispanarepublicana
Indicting a ham sandwich????
Is that kosher?
Jack
26
posted on
09/29/2005 8:07:45 PM PDT
by
Jack Deth
(Knight Errant and Disemboweler of the WFTD Thread)
To: Miss Behave
and she might be Patty O'Furnature?
27
posted on
09/29/2005 8:08:04 PM PDT
by
llevrok
(Course 090. Magnetic.)
To: llevrok; Miss Behave
and she might be Patty O'Furnature? No.....Patty ran off with the Salvadoran gardener, Manuel Labor.
28
posted on
09/29/2005 8:12:43 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana
No matter how you slice it this post is deliciously funny
29
posted on
09/29/2005 8:14:40 PM PDT
by
apackof2
(There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. Will Rogers)
To: apackof2
No matter how you slice it this post is deliciously funny It's a cure for what ales.
30
posted on
09/29/2005 8:16:32 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana
You're on a roll, HR. You mustard all of your resources for this one. Lettuce hope we see some more!!
31
posted on
09/29/2005 8:18:15 PM PDT
by
speedy
To: hispanarepublicana; llevrok
OMG, hispana. LOL.
Llevrok and hispana, my sissie's name is Betty Juan Sir. ;-)
32
posted on
09/29/2005 8:19:48 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: speedy
You're on a roll, HR. You mustard all of your resources for this one. Lettuce hope we see some more!! Cheese whiz!! I think I've come up with olive got!
33
posted on
09/29/2005 8:19:52 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana
Well, thanks shallot. Did this information come from a press leek? They usually try to squash stories like this. Anyway, once again you rise to the occasion.
34
posted on
09/29/2005 8:21:46 PM PDT
by
speedy
To: hispanarepublicana
"Cheese whiz!! I think I've come up with olive got!" No, hispana...I think you're a bottomless cup of coffee.
35
posted on
09/29/2005 8:23:03 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: hispanarepublicana
Or did she go for money with Xavier Greenstamps?
36
posted on
09/29/2005 8:25:06 PM PDT
by
llevrok
(Course 090. Magnetic.)
To: speedy
Did this information come from a press leek? They usually try to squash stories like this. Au jus know they're peppering it all over the media and dressing it as the truth. O'Reilly's already covered it on his No Spinach Zone.
37
posted on
09/29/2005 8:25:13 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: Miss Behave
Betty had a friend. I forgot her name so I asked her - "you look like Helen Greene!" She said, "I know. I don't look so good in brown either."
38
posted on
09/29/2005 8:28:23 PM PDT
by
llevrok
(Course 090. Magnetic.)
To: hispanarepublicana; JennysCool
I gotta ping L to this deviled ham sham. Who else in our far-from-poultry pantry can we spam?
39
posted on
09/29/2005 8:29:02 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: hispanarepublicana
I just KNEW that was a bottomless cup. LOL.
40
posted on
09/29/2005 8:30:58 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
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