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Texas Grand Jury Indicts Ham Sandwich, But Charges Don’t Pass Mustard
HR's Fertile and Twisted Mind
| HR
Posted on 09/29/2005 7:13:57 PM PDT by hispanarepublicana
AUSTIN (AP) - A Texas grand jury on Wednesday indicted a ham sandwich and two side dishes on charges of conspiracy in a blue plate special scheme, forcing the featured menu item to temporarily relinquish its relished post despite the fact that the charges mayo or mayo not stick.
"I have done nothing wrong. ... Olive us are innocent, just lettuce prove it," the sandwich told a Capitol Hill news conference during which he criticized the Texas prosecutor, Ronnie Earle, repeatedly. The sandwich said the charges amounted to "a bunch of baloney."
With a rye expression, Earle told reporters, "Our job is to prosecute abuses of power and to bring those abuses to the public." He has noted previously that he has prosecuted many hoagies and poboys in the past.
Chefs at the Capitol Grille selected tuna salad with Cool Whip - No. 3 in the menu favorites ranks as a temporary sandwich filling.
Other menu items expressed their backing for the ham sandwich, the first daily special to be indicted in at least a century.
A visiting Italian official also expressed confidence. "I cannelloni say that hes got a tough crust, and he can take it. He will fight this and soon itll all be a thing of the past-a," said Minister Oni, the soup of the day.
The ham sandwich said he was certain the indictment would be dismissed and shrugged off the charges as an open-faced lie any way you slice it.
Here's what the dill is: it looks like the potato chips are down, but these lies will ketchup to Earle, the sandwich said, vowing that he would rise to the occasion to fight the charges. "There's no time to loaf. We've got to spread the truth."
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: delay; earle; trumpedup
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Forgive me. I was inspired by the "indict a ham sandwich" sentiment.
To: speedy; Blurblogger; LibertarianInExile
2
posted on
09/29/2005 7:14:50 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana
To: conservatrice
To: hispanarepublicana
Good one.
but these lies will ketchup to Earle,
This part reminded me of the ketchup joke in "Pulp Fiction" for some reason.
To: linkinpunk
I relish these threads. I pita the fool who's got no sense of humor.
6
posted on
09/29/2005 7:29:13 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: MotleyGirl70
I never saw Pulp Fiction...
7
posted on
09/29/2005 7:30:01 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana
8
posted on
09/29/2005 7:30:12 PM PDT
by
Michael Goldsberry
(an enemy of islam -- Joe Boucher; Leapfrog; Dr.Zoidberg; Lazamataz; ...)
To: hispanarepublicana
Excuse me, but wasn't that Persecutor's name in reality, Crude Earle?
9
posted on
09/29/2005 7:32:33 PM PDT
by
F.J. Mitchell
(Show me a liberal and I'll show you a head and a heart, designed for nothing but cracking walnuts.)
To: F.J. Mitchell
10
posted on
09/29/2005 7:33:38 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana
This news story is no bologna.
11
posted on
09/29/2005 7:36:10 PM PDT
by
llevrok
(Course 090. Magnetic.)
To: llevrok
A few glasses of wine bring out the liver-wurst in me.
12
posted on
09/29/2005 7:39:48 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana
I believe we need a congressional SUB-committee to investigate....
LOL! But I think I'll have my Cool Whip on the side....Miracle Whip on the sandwich! ;^)
13
posted on
09/29/2005 7:43:07 PM PDT
by
The Spirit Of Allegiance
(SAVE THE BRAINFOREST! Boycott the RED Dead Tree Media & NUKE the DNC Class Action Temper Tantrum!)
To: Blurblogger
LOL! But I think I'll have my Cool Whip on the side....Miracle Whip on the sandwich! ;^) DOH! (too much chenin blanc)
14
posted on
09/29/2005 7:44:25 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana; Victoria Delsoul; Rennes Templar; Joe 6-pack; martin_fierro; PhilDragoo; ...
"Forgive me. I was inspired by the "indict a ham sandwich" sentiment."
Dinner at HR's! YUM
15
posted on
09/29/2005 7:45:14 PM PDT
by
The Spirit Of Allegiance
(SAVE THE BRAINFOREST! Boycott the RED Dead Tree Media & NUKE the DNC Class Action Temper Tantrum!)
To: hispanarepublicana
When the ham sandwich is acquitted, will the DA want some cheese with his whine?
Jack.
16
posted on
09/29/2005 7:50:31 PM PDT
by
Jack Deth
(Knight Errant and Disemboweler of the WFTD Thread)
To: hispanarepublicana; All
This post is fit for our funny bones to feast upon for a long time to come. The responses seem to have slowed down for tonight, but may pick up for the midnight chow crowd.
Any left overs will be delicious in breakfast burrito's or omelets in the morning.
Let's keep it bumped.
17
posted on
09/29/2005 7:50:33 PM PDT
by
F.J. Mitchell
(Show me a liberal and I'll show you a head and a heart, designed for nothing but cracking walnuts.)
To: hispanarepublicana
If you must turd, please put down the ham sandwich and grandly charge to Texas.
On second thought, don't mess with in Texas. Take it to Mexico.
18
posted on
09/29/2005 7:52:01 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: Jack Deth
When the ham sandwich is acquitted, will the DA want some cheese with his whine? Jack. It'll be a meunsterous thing to watch. I camembert it.
19
posted on
09/29/2005 7:52:32 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana
20
posted on
09/29/2005 7:56:17 PM PDT
by
llevrok
(Course 090. Magnetic.)
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