Posted on 07/29/2005 11:11:06 AM PDT by Kazul
The Smartest Woman in the World (a.k.a. Hillary Clinton)
The are three people on a plane that's about to crash: a little boy, an old man, and Hillary Clinton. There are two parachutes on the plane.
Hillary Clinton says, "I'm The Smartest Woman in the World! I can't die!" And jumps out of the plane with a parachute on her back.
The old man syas to the little boy, "Well, son, I've lived long and well. You've got more ahead of you. Take the last parachute."
The little boy shakes his head and tells the old man,"No, sir, there's enough parachutes for both of us."
The old man asks, "How?"
The little boy answers, "The Smartest Woman in the World just jumped out of the airplane with my backpack."
God's Fan
A woman dies and goes to heaven. An angel is showing her around God's Kingdom and leads her to a hall full of clocks. He explains that there's a clock for every president of the U.S. and that each clock moves an hour forward for each time it's president lies. George Washington's, for instance, reads one o'clock because he lied once.
They get to the end of the clocks and the woman notices something odd. She asks the angel,"Where is Bill Clinton's clock?"
The Angel says, "It's upstairs. God's using it for a fan."
How about a French joke:
Q: Where can you find 61 million French Jokes??
A: France.
I got a chuckle outta them, thanks.
Hillary Clinton was driving up the same road.
As they pass each other she leans out the window and yells "P I G"!
Bill leans out the window and yells "B I T C H !"
Bill rounded the next curve and crashed into a HUGE pig in middle of road.
Thought Hillary - "Jackass never listens."
In before the ZOT
Ronald Reagan, Jesse Jackson and Bill Clinton are on the Titanic.
The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.
Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.
Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."
Jackson goes: "F**k the women."
Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time?"
One day as President Clinton was getting off the helicopter in front of the White House, he had a baby pig under each arm.
The Marine guard snapped to attention, salutes, and said: ''Nice pigs, sir.''
The President replied, ''These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea.''
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, ''Nice trade, sir.'''
Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House.
The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie,"
Ouch! Says Hillary, I don't know about that.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people,"
Ho! I really don't want to do that.
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
The US Postal Service has issued a recall of a stamp they created with a picture of Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements while serving as the First Lady of our nation.
The problem was discovered when claims had been made that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes, and that mail which had been sent using the "Hillary" postage was not being delivered. Senator Clinton demanded a full investigation into the allegations.
A special Postal Service Investigation team was formed and after several months and many dollars spent, made the following findings:
*The stamp was manufactured properly.
*There was nothing wrong with the adhesive.
*People were just spitting on the wrong side
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