Posted on 05/03/2005 8:23:05 PM PDT by Mo1
Gaaaah!
Like I said: people with sticks up their butts can't laugh. It undoubtedly is too painful, although they can manage to sit in front of their keyboards, in spite of the awful pain, advertising their humor-impaired condition.
I see what you mean in that thread.
*shudder*
Careful on the gun registry is great thread, I said it is a bad idea, and two newbies and two people who should know better took it upon themselves to tell me I'm an idiot for opposing gun registry.
Ask the dead children in Florida how effective it is to register sex offenders.
Registration is just about raising revenue and making paperwork for clerks' job security.
Not sex offender registry.
Gun registry.
I know .. but registry in general is just government red tape -- not a solution to anything at all.
The little island is an island on Lake Campbell on Fidalgo Island .. an island on an island
Ah, now I understand what you were saying.
*sigh*
Our smut posting troll was back today as you likely know already.
Has me somewhat frazzled by way of anger.
THIS ONE FOR GRANNIE!:)
Cat Finally Gets Revenge " Fairy Tales "
Cinderella is now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"
The Fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration said, "I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension."
Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Bob, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.
The Fairy Godmother asked "What does your heart want for your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: "I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again".
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned.
Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke: "You have one more wish. What shall you have?"
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man".
Magically, Bob stood before her, a man, so beautiful the likes of which neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke, "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life." And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.
Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless,
gazing at the most stunningly perfect man she had ever seen. Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his breath as he whispered,
"I bet you regret having me neutered now, don't you?"
THIS ONE FOR DARK!:)
Cat Diary
Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the
occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
Day 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep deprivation, incessant pleas for food at all hours of the night.
Day 767 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
Day 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my
confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue, something akin to mole speak, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal, room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time?
Anyway, we have this one foster dad, bless his heart, hates seeing us stuck at the office and a kid with nowhere to go, so he agreed to take him for a night or two. He isn't one to mince words or be politically correct (yes, he is a Republican) so when I introduce him to the kid, the first thing he says is, "I hope you got some other clothes because we're not into cross-dressers or twinkies or anything like that." Poor little California fairy probably never heard anything like that before. I'm standing there silently giving the foster dad a thumbs up.
Babe, I'm with you. I like some of the more modern additions to many church services, but I don't like these enormous churches where people don't really know each other and when they stop preaching the gospel, it becomes just another show, entertainment, a social club. No thanks. That's not what I go to church for.
Ya got room for one more? I have my own manly clothes...
Come on down.
I'm not impressed with the changes at Churchhill Downs either, and I take it rather personally, it being a landmark going back to my childhood. I even worked a season there. I think it's rather obscene.
Charismatic went off at 60-1 and darned near took the Triple Crown in 2000 (I believe it was). And I am proud to say that I called that horse to win the Derby.
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