Posted on 12/20/2004 6:41:03 AM PST by kerouacbal
I am 26 years old and have been married for 2 years. I am having trouble growing up and I am driving my wife nuts. It has gotten to the point that my wife talks about divorce almost every day. I want to work this out more then I every wanted anything but I can't seem to do it or do it quick enough. I can't seem to remember consistently to do every day things like take out the garbage make sure all the doors are locked and the heat is off at night (there is a lot more but won't get into it all). I am posting this here to try to get some advise on how to help my self grow up and start to take care of my wife and son better like a husband should. My parents are dead and I don't have a close family member or friend to get advise from. Could someone please help me.
Poeple just need to realize that marriage is like life...full of disappointments.
Girls have ADD too
Even old ladies, come to think of it ;)
The key to a happy marriage is to maintain low expectations.
Just go do the best you can. Maybe you already are, or maybe you forget things you don't like to do, and never the things you want to do.
....no she stays home to take care of my son....
So here she was during your three + years of dating, and being with friends, being free, maybe each enjoying the cash from independant jobs, interfacing with people all day long, suddenly she gets pregnant, has a kid.
Now she feels trapped, she can't go out of the house without the kid, she has to ask you for money for anything she needs or wants, you two are probably making ends meet on maybe 60% of what you had during your dating years and early marriage.
So she's crying out for help, to get her out of this miserable existance, and she lashs out at you 'cause you're the only one around to bitch at. She sees that she can get to you as she tears down your self respect, so its working and she re-doubles her effort to get you down.
She needs to find the joy she once had in life. She's got to receive an extra allowance that can be her money to spend on what she wants to, without having to account to you, maybe even have her own bank account so she can feel some independence; you've got to get babysitters so you two can get out of the house, away from the kid, and have some cheap entertainment together - recreate your dating years.
Once you spend time on her, and she reciprocates by seeing you in a different light like she remembered during dating, maybe you two will reconnect.
She knows the word divorce gets to you. Be sure that she knows what that really means, cause it ain't no escape from the unhappy life she feels today. Divorce is hell for her, for the kid, and for you. No-one comes out ahead, and everyone remains poor!
I had two trial marriages, before finally getting lucky for the past 22 years.
The definition of a third marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
:::sigh:::
UUUMMMMMMM....No. He posted for opinions I gave mine. That's what this forum is all about. If you disagree with my opinion say so and why, don't just tell me to refrain...OK:)
Becky
It's over. Fight like hell and try to get custody of your kid.
I'm sorry....
You need some tough advice.
Quit being a selfish lazy SOB. You are knowingly forgetting simple tasks because you are remembering them now.
How hard is it to make a list to check off or get into a habit. Habits in marriage is guaranteed.
If you cant seem to remember to do a simple thing as trash then its not forgetfulness. I believe its plain laziness.
I have done some stupid things...even as recently as friday messing up my parents night out with my kids for a Christmas carriage ride but I know what a dumb thing it was and how I know how my actions has effected others.
My duty as a son, husband and father should always be worked on and always striving to be a better one of each...
Grow up and get off your computer because I have a feeling it has ALOT to do with your current situation.
"I was the first mamber of my family to ride"
What is a mamber?
My first question to you would be is this passive-aggressive behaviour on your part? Are you happy in the marriage, are you really in love with your wife, what brought the two of you together in the first place? After only 2 years you should be able to remember what made you fall in love with each other originally. Were you like this before you got married? if you were then your wife knew what she was getting into, if you weren't then you need to ask yourself what you are gaining personally by acting this way.
Bottomline is you haven't given us much to work with here. Also it would be interesting to talk to your wife and get her side. This is called marriage counseling. If you and your wife really love each other and want to make it work then go see a good counselor, and let him/her help you work it out. As someone who went through an emotionally devastating divorce from someone I truly loved and who truly loved me I wish luck.
It is better as riff in this one.
Ditto that. If she is that unhappy about so many little annoyances and is unwilling to consider counselling then my guess is she already has, at the very least, her eyes on someone else. As Jeff Foxworthy says, "if she hasn't already saddled up another horse she has at least cut one from the herd." She may have been planning the divorce for awhile and is just building her case in her own mind, i.e. giving herself an excuse. It is my experience that when divorce happens one person is prepared while the other is totally blind-sided.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.