She has been widowed for nearly 35 years and until 10 years ago we were about an hour away from her. When my mother was still living, she lived in the same town as m-i-l.
..... My brother always had my mother over for Thanksgiving dinner and it was just accepted that we would eat turkey dinner with hubby's mom. In fact, for years and years, I cooked the turkey and took it to her house so she wouldn't have to do the heavy lifting. Every year, m-i-l would say "Now if y'all want to eat dinner at Kay's brothers' with her family, I'll understand." But then there was the plaintive little sigh and the hurt look that let us know that we didn't dare. It was subtle but there was enough of it there that we couldn't miss it. I bend over backwards to keep from pulling that sort of stunt with my kids ... and hope that I don't get to the point that I do it.
I try to keep in mind that her world has changed drastically. To a great extent, she no longer gets to call the shots in her life but is controlled by her aches & pains, her physical limitations, her doctors, and life in general. I think they do these little things to try to maintain some tiny shred of control.
Praying for patience for you as you try to live your own lives and yet minister to parents at the same time.
This "sandwich generation" stuff is challenging.
I hate that stuff. I found a good tactic is to be oblivious and agree - though I started early. You're just encouraging her misbehaviour. :)
I guess it's like when I get the "Are we there yet" and I respond with a "yes" regardless. My friends kids quit asking me. :)