Experts Fear Terrorist Activity In Minneapolis Could Spread To America Next

Babylon Bee ^ | 10/08/2026 | Babylon Bee

[DFG]

U.S. — After a terrorist attack on the Mall of America was narrowly thwarted yesterday, experts warned that terrorist activity could spread beyond Minneapolis to the United States of America.

With cells of ISIS supporters attempting violent attacks across Minnesota, security experts believe it is only a matter of time before the violence moves from Minnesota to U.S. soil.

"If it can happen in Minnesota, it could even happen in America," said U.S. Attorney Dan Rosen. "That's what's so scary about it. These radical Islamic terrorists, they're right on America's doorstep now. The security of our northern border is every bit as vital as that of our southern border."

The warning prompted calls for additional security along the Minnesota-Wisconsin border, with concerned Americans questioning whether the United States could afford to continue ignoring instability in the region. "Of course, we don't want to get ourselves involved doing regime change in yet another Muslim territory," said Rosen. "But this is happening just up I-94, and it's going to come here at some point."

Others urged a diplomatic approach, suggesting that Washington establish formal relations with Minnesota before considering military intervention.

At publishing time, the U.S. State Department had clarified that the Mall of America was not, despite its name, a U.S. embassy and could not grant asylum.

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TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: dflpeoplesrepublic; diplomaticrelations; mallofamerica; minnesomalia; minnesota; piplesrepublikofwalz; somalisota

[GOPJ]

The warning prompted calls for additional security along the Minnesota-Wisconsin border... "Of course, we don't want to get ourselves involved doing regime change in yet another Muslim territory," said Rosen. "But this is happening just up I-94, and it's going to come here at some point."

Others urged a diplomatic approach, suggesting that Washington establish formal relations with Minnesota before considering military intervention.

PING

[Jamestown1630]

OK, I was fooled by this one...I thought it was a real headline.

[E. Pluribus Unum]

Perfect.

[Deo volente]

The Bee gets it right again, spot on. What’s meant to be satire is sadly the current reality.
Not sure how long our country, or the rest of the civilized world, will last if we don’t get a handle on this, and soon.

[Da Coyote]

Minnesota is American?
Could’a fooled me.
I was thinking that Trump planned to bomb them in order to keep them from having nukes also.
At least they’re not adjacent to the Great Lakes and cannot stop the ship traffic there, and they’re not sitting on any oil.
Ergo, they have nothing to offer civilization.

[21twelve]

Some Somali leader in Minneapolis sure seems to view that they live elsewhere. Blaming the Somali youth violence on American culture. (They should move back to peaceful Somalia then).

[Raven6]

"That's what's so scary about it. These radical Islamic terrorists, they're right on America's doorstep now. The security of our northern border is every bit as vital as that of our southern border."

This article may have been taken from the Bee, but the above quote is accurate if not slightly understated. They're not just on our doorstep... they're in the house already.

[Ann Archy]

LOL!!! Minnesota is NOT REAL AMERICA!!! It is SOMALIA EAST!

[mowowie]

Yup that was a Good one