Britain Apologizes For Disrupting Whatever It Was Nice Muslim Men Were Doing

Babylon Bee ^ | 09/29/2026 | Babylon Bee

[DFG]

LONDON — The British government issued an official public apology on Tuesday for interrupting whatever it was the nice Muslim men in unmarked vans were doing at 1:00 a.m. outside a military base used by U.S. forces.

The five men were quickly released after brief questioning, with Prime Minister Andy Burnham personally calling each one to offer an apology for the intrusion.

"We're terribly sorry for getting in your way, chaps," said Burnham. "We'll get you right on your way in a jiffy. It was that bloody fool of a farmer, calling the police and starting this whole nonsense. Really, we do apologize for the holdup. You can get right back to doing, well, whatever it was you were doing. Cheerio!"

White House officials reportedly contacted MI5, requesting that the men arrested for plotting a mass terror attack be held for further questioning, but to no avail. "But did they actually set off a bomb? No, they did not," responded the British counter-terrorism officials. "We cannot detain these men for almost killing you. We'll just send these men back out into the world, and let them return to what was assuredly a peaceful business. Thanks for reaching out with your concerns."

At publishing time, the men had thanked the British government for the apology, and asked if perhaps they could have several tons of dynamite as reparations.

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TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyburnham; british; london; militarybase; musland; thesnackbarboys; theunitedcaliphate; unitedcaliphate

[EnderWiggin1970]

And in other news, these same authorities imprisoned a fellow for slashing a rubber dinghy carrying more of these nice Muslim men to Britain. Apparently his real crime is embarrassing the Royal Navy, which can’t seem to find or stop these rubber boats despite the Prime Minister insisting the government would put a stop to the illegal crossing posthaste (and this time he really means it!) Hint to government: Maybe you should hire the patriots you are imprisoning to find the dinghies, since your Navy can’t seem to do the job.

[Freeleesy]

It’s almost not so satire ..

[E. Pluribus Unum]

They let 10 different varieties of invader carry knives/swords, including Sikhs, but they imprisoned a legacy Brit for carrying a six-inch metal replica of the Master Sword from the video game The Legend of Zelda.

[missthethunder]

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1CP2r1nUxL/

There are seven blessings of the martyr in Islam.
Number six is a 72 virgins
Number seven says if you die for Islam,
your whole family gets to go to heaven.
You are a superstar.

[missthethunder]

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1CP2r1nUxL/

There are seven blessings of the martyr in Islam.
Number six is a 72 virgins
Number seven says if you die for Islam,
your whole family gets to go to heaven.
You are a superstar.

[hanamizu]

And in other news, these same authorities imprisoned a fellow for slashing a rubber dinghy carrying more of these nice Muslim men to Britain.

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Even worse, there were no nice Muslim invaders in the raft. They had all been offloaded. He just made the raft unusable for the next batch. He is locked up without bail until his trial which will be in March, ‘27.

[Jan_Sobieski]

[If You Want It Fixed - Fix It]

I’m starting to think the Bee articles are written by AOC herself as serious “what ought to have happened” pieces.

[JeemBeau]

What about the reported other 5 that managed to escape capture?

[Pete from Shawnee Mission]

No more slashing. Too close!

Bring back the longbow. They need to start shooting the rubber dinghies with arrow.