Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

China Trade War Update: Trump Classifies Panda Express As Domestic Terror Organization
Babylon Bee ^ | 04/11/2025 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 04/11/2025 3:21:17 PM PDT by DFG

U.S. — Following dueling tariff increases heading into the weekend, no end to the trade war between China and the United States was in sight, with the latest reports indicating that President Donald Trump had taken the situation up a notch by designating Panda Express as a domestic terror organization.

The startling move came just hours after China increased its tariffs on U.S. goods to 125%. Trump spoke with reporters in the Oval Office early Friday morning to confirm that the popular Chinese fast-food chain was now officially classified as an enemy of the state.

"No longer will we tolerate these restaurants with foreign ties to operate within our borders," Trump said. "For far too long, while the Chinese government has taken advantage of our country through unethical trade practices, we have watched the influence of Panda Express grow throughout America. No more. Have you had their chow mein? Way too much shredded cabbage. Very few noodles, it's very sad, I must say. Those days are over."

White House insiders said the president had nearly designated Panda Express as a domestic terror organization earlier this year after learning they had discontinued the practice of letting customers taste free samples of dishes with little toothpicks. "He was talked out of it then," one source said. "It turns out, once again, his instincts were right. Panda Express is bad news, and the United States is on to them."

At publishing time, President Trump had ordered the Department of Justice to launch a full investigation into why Panda Express's Kung Pao chicken had so few pieces of chicken in it.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS:
My daughter got food poisoning from Panda Express chicken teriyaki a few years ago.
1 posted on 04/11/2025 3:21:17 PM PDT by DFG
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: DFG

Yes, it’s The Bee, UT there’s some truth to it being a terrorist outfit. Committing terrorism against food and our tummies, too.

I am so sorry a out your daughter. How awful. I tried the Panda once, but only once. It was truly awful.


2 posted on 04/11/2025 3:38:37 PM PDT by CatHerd (Whoever said "all's fair in love and war" probably never participated in either.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: CatHerd

man I have to start paying closer attention!! This actually had me sitting on the edge of my seat until I read your post!!

LOL... (Blush....)


3 posted on 04/11/2025 3:44:28 PM PDT by sit-rep
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: DFG
Go after these guys too.


4 posted on 04/11/2025 3:51:40 PM PDT by ClearCase_guy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Yeah and what about Taco Bell! They’re a real cuisine criminal enterprise.


5 posted on 04/11/2025 3:56:52 PM PDT by Obadiah
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

I just ate there a few days ago. The Bee totally got me there for a few seconds.

And I expect an hour later they will get me again...


6 posted on 04/11/2025 4:03:27 PM PDT by null and void (Start with the jab, end on a slab)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Hmmm...
Since 1949, I’ve suspected that CCP hotbed was up to no good...


7 posted on 04/11/2025 4:15:45 PM PDT by SuperLuminal (Where is rabble-rising Sam Adams now that we need him? Is his name Trump, now?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: All

And false advertising. They don’t serve panda meat no matter what their name says.


8 posted on 04/11/2025 4:21:57 PM PDT by BipolarBob (Never attribute malice to that which can be explained by incompetence.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Obadiah

always knew taco bell was a cartel front. and don’t even get me started on Chinese laundries or take out. all conspiracies to make Americans think that china is not our enemy using fake service enterprises to spy on us!


9 posted on 04/11/2025 4:54:12 PM PDT by Qwapisking ("The left will rue the day they cheated Trump out of the 2020 election forever" L.Star )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Panda Express is gross!


10 posted on 04/11/2025 5:34:00 PM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Qwapisking

You can get the same results using Calgon.


11 posted on 04/11/2025 6:34:57 PM PDT by AceMineral (One day men will beg for chains.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: DFG
Have you had their chow mein? Way too much shredded cabbage. Very few noodles, it's very sad, I must say. Those days are over."

Huh. When I've gone it's normally been the opposite - bunch of noodles and almost no cabbage!
12 posted on 04/12/2025 7:04:19 AM PDT by Svartalfiar (-)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson