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Desperate Cowboys Re-Sign Troy Aikman
Babylon Bee ^ | 01/15/2023 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 01/15/2024 12:56:01 PM PST by DFG

DALLAS, TX — Following yet another disappointing showing in the NFL playoffs, the Dallas Cowboys have made one last desperate attempt to regain the franchise's former glory by re-signing Hall of Fame quarterback Troy Aikman.

The team reportedly lost confidence in quarterback Dak Prescott after he was unable to lead the team to victory against the underdog Green Bay Packers, instead placing an urgent late-night phone call to the retired 57-year-old Aikman.

"I didn't expect to get this call after being out of the game for so long, but I'm happy to help the team any way I can," Aikman said after news of the signing broke. "I don't walk as easily as I used to, I tend to forget even the most basic pieces of information after years of taking violent blows to the head, and my right arm fell off back in 2009, but I'm willing to be a team player and suit up again."

Though signing a quarterback of such an advanced age is an unprecedented move, the team believes it could result in positive publicity in addition to a potential upgrade at the position. "We know how beloved Troy is among our fanbase," said Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. "We feel bringing him back will score us some points with the fans and hopefully score some more points on the field. Anything is better than paying Dak millions of dollars every game to go out and throw the ball to the other team."

At publishing time, Cowboys fans soured on the signing after learning the team was required to bring in Aikman's broadcast partner Joe Buck as part of the deal.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: aikman; cowboys; dallas; humor; nfl
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1 posted on 01/15/2024 12:56:01 PM PST by DFG
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To: DFG

I was extremely embarrassed


2 posted on 01/15/2024 12:58:23 PM PST by NWFree (Sigma male 🤪)
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To: DFG

He coulda done better than prescott......which I predict will not be the QB in big D next season.


3 posted on 01/15/2024 12:59:13 PM PST by V_TWIN (America...so great even the people that hate it refuse to leave!)
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To: DFG

Even Quincy Carter would be an improvement.


4 posted on 01/15/2024 12:59:43 PM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: V_TWIN

If I hear “Here We Go!” one more time, I’m gonna lose it.


5 posted on 01/15/2024 1:00:14 PM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: DFG

Cowboys got snookered by a team on the rise. Just like the Browns did. There’s a new game in town, and the old guard needs to get with it.


6 posted on 01/15/2024 1:02:25 PM PST by hinckley buzzard ( Resist the narrative. )
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To: NWFree

“How about those Soyboys”


7 posted on 01/15/2024 1:03:28 PM PST by bella1 (Tytler's Cycle of Democracy)
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To: hinckley buzzard

That’s the thing. There’s little difference now between the NFL and College Football, as College Football has turned into an NFL Farm System. The best players will go to the schools that best prepare them for the NFL.


8 posted on 01/15/2024 1:03:46 PM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: NWFree

I was extremely happy. I’ve been a Giants fan for over 60 years going all the way back to Y. A.Tittle. Hate the cowboys.


9 posted on 01/15/2024 1:06:46 PM PST by heylady
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To: DFG

He couldn’t do any worse....................


10 posted on 01/15/2024 1:11:25 PM PST by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.....................)
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To: dfwgator

Well, it would be nice to hear it as he heads out the door one last time.....................


11 posted on 01/15/2024 1:12:08 PM PST by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.....................)
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To: Red Badger

“Here I Go!”


12 posted on 01/15/2024 1:12:41 PM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: dfwgator

Noe, ‘WE’ as in Him AND MCCARTHY!.................


13 posted on 01/15/2024 1:13:54 PM PST by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.....................)
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To: DFG

Well, he’s a crummy announcer. So he can go back to what he did best.

I am a lifelong Cowboy hater, I won a trip to Super Bowl XXX and had to witness the Cowboys’ last hurrah first hand (Neil O’Donnell was NOT a Super Bowl calibre QB).

My Rams were eliminated yesterday, but having the Cowboys humiliated made the day acceptable,


14 posted on 01/15/2024 1:14:04 PM PST by Dr. Sivana ("If you can’t say something nice . . . say the Rosary." [Red Badger])
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To: Red Badger

Looks like Dak didn't take the advice on his helmet yesterday.

15 posted on 01/15/2024 1:14:23 PM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: DFG

George Strait would have been a better quarterback than what they had the other night.


16 posted on 01/15/2024 1:15:13 PM PST by SamAdams76 (6,508,933 Truth | 87,456,907 Twitter)
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To: dfwgator

C’mon. Prescott has a tendency to get scared in the big games, but he still played pretty well in a lot of games.


17 posted on 01/15/2024 1:26:56 PM PST by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

Yeah, when the games don’t matter.


18 posted on 01/15/2024 1:27:41 PM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: heylady

I remember that picture of Y. A.Tittle with grass and dirt hanging from his helmet. John Madden type football.


19 posted on 01/15/2024 1:28:04 PM PST by ComputerGuy (Heavily-medicated for your protection)
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To: dfwgator

Would you rather have Dak Prescott or Jimmy Garoppolo?


20 posted on 01/15/2024 1:28:09 PM PST by nickcarraway
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