designated area powdered substance was located:
 
Posted on 07/15/2023 2:57:30 PM PDT by John Semmens
After ten days of intensive inquiries and scrutiny of 1,000s of hours of video evidence, the Secret Service decided to close the investigation into how a bag of cocaine ended up inside the White House.
Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle explained that "as improbable as it might seem, in all the videos of the area where the baggie was found the potential suspects all had their backs toward the cameras. Then as it turned out, the FBI was unable to find any fingerprints or DNA on the baggie. Finally, when we questioned the 500 persons shown to have been in the building in the days before the baggie was found, none admitted anything. We couldn't test them for drugs because we had no 'probable cause.' We decided not to use a lie-detector because it wouldn't be admissible in court. So, we know nothing. Fortunately, the amount of cocaine involved was too small to pose a significant health danger."
Cheatle went on to point out that "this isn't the first time illegal drugs have been found inside the White House. Twice before, in July and September of 2022, a couple of two-ounce baggies of marijuana were discovered. No one was arrested in these incidents, because the weight of the marijuana confiscated did not meet the legal threshold for federal charges."
Rep. Tim Burchett (R-Tenn) asserted that "the so-called investigation is bogus and just another cover-up by the Biden Administration. It is hardly reassuring to hear that this isn't the first time that illicit drugs have been found in the White House. This failed investigation further undermines the public's confidence in the competence and honesty of the Secret Service and the FBI."
If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...
https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,505581.0.html
Final report *CLASSIFIED*
We know who did it, but we can’t say because they are above the law.
Neighbors are complaining Pennsylvania Avenue is going to the dogs.
A cocaine-laden crack house and the riff raff, drugheads and criminal drug cartels that brings to a neighborhood.
Move along now
I know we have heard this response so many times, but just imagine the trajectory of this story if the details were the same, but the president was named ‘Donald J. Trump’.
The owner claimed it but wished to remain anonymous.
 
I can name one person they did NOT question ...
The problem is this: The SS knows that 77 percent of White House employees are drug users.
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