New Study Shows An Alarming Link Between Being A Conspiracy Theorist And Not Having Myocarditis

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[MNDude]

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New Study Shows An Alarming Link Between Being A Conspiracy Theorist And Not Having Myocarditis HEALTH · Aug 22, 2022 · BabylonBee.com Article Image WASHINGTON, D.C. — CDC Director Rochelle Walensky spoke at a press briefing Monday in which she acknowledged an apparent link between those who believe in high-level government shadow conspiracies and not having myocarditis. According to the CDC's findings, "total nutjobs" appear to be immune to the little-known heart condition, leaving experts puzzled.

"When the pandemic first hit we knew absolutely everything about the virus and immediately imposed common sense health guidelines that were not completely made up," said Walensky. "However, these new findings seem to suggest that not taking everything government authorities say as gospel truth may save your life."

"Strange," she muttered to herself.

According to sources, health experts have been unable to determine why such a correlation between conspiracy theory and low myocarditis rates exist. Early speculation that it's because "whackos" who believe in bigfoot are the same ones not taking experimental vaccines was dismissed because that would suggest there was something wrong with the vaccines and the government would never lie about them being safe and effective.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation's top infectious disease expert, has blasted the CDC's report, suggesting that it was itself a government conspiracy.

"Let's look at the facts," said Dr. Fauci. "Conspiracy theorists think the moon landing was faked and that JFK was shot by a turtle in a hamster suit. Therefore, the vaccines are safe and effective. They literally annihilate the virus within your body and keep it from spreading to anyone."

[Ex-Con777]

At the time I was an airline pilot, had an FAA physical every 6 months, and a required EKG every 12 months. I saw a cardiologist and went through a battery of tests and the result was “zero evidence of any heart disease”.

I stay very active, walk at least 4 miles per day and do my own remodeling and construction work.

I now can no longer maintain an FAA medical certificate, hence, my profession is over.

You are free to take your anecdotal, perfectly toned, daily exercised, zero health issues butt for a hike.

EC

[entropy12]

It is my exercise combined with diet low in red meat, and keeping my 5’-8” frame below 155 lbs. It is absolutely shocking I feel this great and energetic and with zero heart issues at age 82. If I have the discipline to keep this lifestyle going, it looks like I can publish my exercise video again at age 100. Only if cancer does not zap me first. There is very little anyone can do to avoid cancer except do not smoke, avoid excess alcohol, and avoid excess red meat.

You should copy my lifestyle, instead of showing anger. Oh, anger will most certainly kill you sooner than normal.