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New Study Shows An Alarming Link Between Being A Conspiracy Theorist And Not Having Myocarditis
Babylon Bee ^

Posted on 08/26/2022 5:29:52 AM PDT by MNDude

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New Study Shows An Alarming Link Between Being A Conspiracy Theorist And Not Having Myocarditis HEALTH · Aug 22, 2022 · BabylonBee.com Article Image WASHINGTON, D.C. — CDC Director Rochelle Walensky spoke at a press briefing Monday in which she acknowledged an apparent link between those who believe in high-level government shadow conspiracies and not having myocarditis. According to the CDC's findings, "total nutjobs" appear to be immune to the little-known heart condition, leaving experts puzzled.

"When the pandemic first hit we knew absolutely everything about the virus and immediately imposed common sense health guidelines that were not completely made up," said Walensky. "However, these new findings seem to suggest that not taking everything government authorities say as gospel truth may save your life."

"Strange," she muttered to herself.

According to sources, health experts have been unable to determine why such a correlation between conspiracy theory and low myocarditis rates exist. Early speculation that it's because "whackos" who believe in bigfoot are the same ones not taking experimental vaccines was dismissed because that would suggest there was something wrong with the vaccines and the government would never lie about them being safe and effective.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation's top infectious disease expert, has blasted the CDC's report, suggesting that it was itself a government conspiracy.

"Let's look at the facts," said Dr. Fauci. "Conspiracy theorists think the moon landing was faked and that JFK was shot by a turtle in a hamster suit. Therefore, the vaccines are safe and effective. They literally annihilate the virus within your body and keep it from spreading to anyone."

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: anthonyfauci; babylonbee; chat; covidstooges; districtofcolumbia; murielbowser; obamacare; vaccinemandates
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1 posted on 08/26/2022 5:29:52 AM PDT by MNDude
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To: MNDude

Well maybe its because they have no hearts?

We all know they have no brains....


2 posted on 08/26/2022 5:33:16 AM PDT by FreshPrince
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To: MNDude

I have found the best method to avoid myocarditis, strokes, coronary thrombosis, covid infection, coughs and colds, pneumonia, lack of energy, balance issues causing falls, joint pains, arthritis, and may be even cancer.

I am following this simple method and can’t even remember last time I had a cold or flu. Has to be more than 15 years ago. I had 4 jabs of covid vaccine starting in Feb 2021. Zero issues from the jabs. My method is mild aerobic exercise 5 days every week.


3 posted on 08/26/2022 5:48:44 AM PDT by entropy12 (Trump & MAGA are the only road to kep USA viable.s)
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To: FreshPrince
Well maybe its because they have no hearts? We all know they have no brains....

Or perhaps, its the sheep that do whatever the government tells them to do that have no brains.

Just a thought from a conspiracy theorist.

#NoOffense


4 posted on 08/26/2022 5:53:02 AM PDT by bagster ("Even bad men love their mamas".)
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To: entropy12
My method is mild aerobic exercise 5 days every week.

Oh please, please, PLEASE post a video of your fat ass on the treadmill again. That's some of the funniest sh*t I've seen on FR in all the history of FReerepublic.com.

C'mon, cruise boy, do it. For the children.


5 posted on 08/26/2022 5:55:55 AM PDT by bagster ("Even bad men love their mamas".)
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To: MNDude

Serious as a heart attack!


6 posted on 08/26/2022 6:02:39 AM PDT by Delta 21 (It started as a virus, and mutated into an IQ test.)
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To: MNDude

People “dropping dead” from the vax ain’t gonna be poop soon with people dropping dead from serving at Camp LeJeune……….

Camp LeJeune has money attached to it. Way more profitable.

The next unexpected death (because pre-vax no one ever died) of a 70-80 plus year old we should think…….

Was it Vax?
Or LeJeune?

(Was it live? Or Memorex?)

#MyDeepEccentricThoughtsOfTheDay


7 posted on 08/26/2022 6:07:40 AM PDT by David Chase
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To: entropy12

“I had 4 jabs of covid vaccine starting in Feb 2021. Zero issues from the jabs.”

And I spent a night in the hospital after one jab. So there’s that.

Safe and effective....my a$$.

EC


8 posted on 08/26/2022 6:56:26 AM PDT by Ex-Con777
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To: MNDude

When did the Bee start doing real news???


9 posted on 08/26/2022 7:01:00 AM PDT by logi_cal869 (-cynicus the "concern troll" a/o 10/03/2018 /!i!! &@$%&*(@ -)
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To: David Chase
Camp LeJeune has money attached to it. Way more profitable.

Yea, cause the vax isn't profitable.

Go back to sleep, Vaxamilion. This all just a bad dream.


10 posted on 08/26/2022 7:13:35 AM PDT by bagster ("Even bad men love their mamas".)
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To: Ex-Con777

You must be out of shape. I exercise 5 days every week in a nearby gym. I had zero issues after 4 jabs. In fact I have had zero health issues since I began regular exercisze at age 61. Now 21 years later I feel the same.


11 posted on 08/26/2022 8:22:16 AM PDT by entropy12 (Trump & MAGA are the only road to kep USA viable.s)
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To: David Chase

I think I am contaminated by Camp LeJeune. I’ve never been to Camp LeJeune but my TV keeps hammering it at me day and night...


12 posted on 08/26/2022 9:23:11 AM PDT by citizen (Thieves of private property pass their lives in chains; thieves of public prop. in riches and luxury)
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To: logi_cal869
When did the Bee start doing real news???
ding ding ding Great post!!
13 posted on 08/26/2022 9:24:24 AM PDT by citizen (Thieves of private property pass their lives in chains; thieves of public prop. in riches and luxury)
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To: MNDude

and an almost zero chance of Sudden Adult Death Syndrome...


14 posted on 08/26/2022 9:29:00 AM PDT by Chode (there is no fall back position, there's no rally point, there is no LZ... we're on our own. #FJB)
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To: citizen

I drove by it once…..$$$$$$


15 posted on 08/26/2022 11:26:00 AM PDT by David Chase
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To: bagster

Crabby.


16 posted on 08/26/2022 11:26:29 AM PDT by David Chase
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To: entropy12

Hey look!!! The maroon has rejoined the conversation.

The entropy in your brain is sad really. All of the evidence around that the jabs cause more harm than good and all you have is a one person anecdote that you think proves the jabs are perfectly safe.

That’s silly. Of course the jabs don’t harm EVERYONE. Nobody is claiming that. They do however cause excess mortality and are much more dangerous than the covid itself. Lots of top level athletes dropping dead all around you but your brain entropy doesn’t allow that to come into consideration.


17 posted on 08/26/2022 11:26:45 AM PDT by BlueMondaySkipper (Involuntarily subsidizing the parasite class since 1981)
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To: BlueMondaySkipper

Why do you wish I had adverse effects fron the jabs?
Come on man, republicans can use my vote.


18 posted on 08/26/2022 2:38:12 PM PDT by entropy12 (Trump & MAGA are the only road to kep USA viable.s)
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To: BlueMondaySkipper

260 million Americans already jabbed.
How many experienced adverse effects or deaths?


19 posted on 08/26/2022 2:39:19 PM PDT by entropy12 (Trump & MAGA are the only road to kep USA viable.s)
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To: citizen

That may be the key to being eligible, because they are refusing some of those that should qualify. Theres something funny going on with that whole situation.


20 posted on 08/26/2022 2:52:03 PM PDT by gnarledmaw (Hive minded liberals worship leaders, sovereign conservatives elect servants.)
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