Posted on 11/20/2021 7:04:31 AM PST by grundle
KENOSHA, WI—In a stunning reversal, Kyle Rittenhouse awoke this morning to discover that he had been found guilty after all.
Prosecutors explained that during the night, they had found dozens of mail-in jury votes declaring the defendant guilty on all counts. Apparently, boxes of these mail-in votes arrived in a truck at the courthouse around 3:00 am.
Attorneys for Mr. Rittenhouse were dumbfounded as to how such a thing could have happened, raising questions as to the validity of mail-in jury voting. They stated: “We’ve never heard of this. This isn’t part of the legal system. Where did these votes even come from?”
"How DARE you question the sanctity of our criminal justice system!" cried the prosecuting attorneys. "There is no justice until EVERY vote is counted!"
Prosecutors then explained that it was a new COVID measure they had just instituted. “But given how well it’s worked out,” they said, “we’re planning on making it permanent.”
And the FBI don’t have a clue how it could have happened or who did it 🤪
bttt
How does BB do it time after time? Soooo good!
SO FUNNY! Yet completely possible is this insane clown utopia we now live in
Yes, it’s satire, but if the left could find a way to pull this off, they would.
Really intelligent humor. They must be thinking so far ahead, bouncing hypotheticals off each other and thinking about the funny articles that ***might*** be written if those hypotheticals were to come to pass. They are wargaming!
Well if they can screw with a US Presidantial election... what’s NOT possible with a mere citizen trying to defend himself??
The Bee is the funniest thing out there.
OMG, can’t stop laughing.
Spot on.
Babylon Bee gets more bang for the buck than anyone in media.
It’s nice to see the BB writers are upping their game. They’ll have to if they’re going to keep up with the left.
BB is a hoot!
I don’t have dyslexia, but every time I see the word “Prosecutor” my mind flips it to “persecutor.”
Awe Jes!
Why are they giving them ideas!? :)
Bwahahaha, that is a good one.
I would never make it at the Bee. I’d come up with my most absurd parody, and they’d answer, “yeah, democrats already did that and more.”
Did all of the ballots have the same “from” address like a lot of mail in ballots did?
Ha! Do you remember reading about 52 ballots mailed in from ONE address....or the ones from addresses which are vacant lots?? Sheeeesh!
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