Posted on 06/13/2021 11:32:54 AM PDT by John Semmens
After an eight-month absence following his on-screen masturbation in front of fellow employees during a Zoom meeting with New Yorker Magazine colleagues, CNN's longtime chief legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin his been restored to his cable news post. His first "gig" was to be interviewed by anchor Alisyn Camerota on CNN's "Newsroom" program.
Camerota's first question was "what the hell were you thinking?" Toobin responded "well, as most people know, the New Yorker is a very pro-masturbation environment. Self pleasuring is the safest form of sex. Toward the tail end of a very boring Zoom meeting I thought why not have some fun and help brighten everyone's day. I was blind-sided when some closet prude publicized my prank. I never would have expected being sent into exile for such a long period of time."
"So, you feel the punishment was too severe?" Camerota asked. "First, it was cruel and unusual punishment," Toobin insisted. "This violates the Eighth Amendment of the Constitution. In essence, I've done my sentence, but committed no crime. Second, masturbation is one of the rights explicitly retained by the people under the Ninth Amendment to the Constitution. As for the claim that I damaged the reputation of CNN, well, Don Lemon, Chris Cuomo, Jim Acosta, and others damage the network's reputation pretty regularly. None of them are ever punished."
Toobin is reportedly considering suing the New Yorker for firing him. "I had an exemplary reputation in my 27 years at the magazine," Toobin argued. "One instance of a difference of opinion over a minor episode shouldn't have been allowed to override a sterling record of performance, especially since there were more than 127,000 'likes' of my prank on my Facebook page."
If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...
https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=439751.0
CNN is offering him his own show - In Touch, with Jeffrey Toobin.
You mean cumback.
Did Ms. Camerota offer to give pud puller Jeff a helping hand?
“CNN Circle Jerk”
From a comment on Utube: “When Toobin does laundry, he can do two loads at a time.”
CNN has standards .... just below cretin level and just above axe murderer level.
Comedy central CNN is.
Jeffery toobin and this Cuomo punk are their front men?
The jokes write themselves.
They gave Toobin another whack at it.
What a jerk off.
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