Posted on 04/11/2020 8:46:41 AM PDT by tbw2
From an anonymous UPS delivery driver...
5 types of customers since the “rona”:
1) Steve: He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He’s sizing me up as I deliver his ammo.
Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.
2) Brad: He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new “Bernie Bro” hat at the tape.
Brad will not survive. Steve will probably eat him.
3) Nancy: She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about “The Rona” on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper.
She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.
4) Karen: She has called everybody and read them the latest news on “The Rona”. She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Publix, McDonalds, Chi-Fil-A, and Vons all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen’s kids are currently faking “The Rona” to avoid her. I’m delivering “Hello kitchen” to her.
Karen will not survive longer than Brad.
5) Mary: Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I’m bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days.
Mary will survive and marry Steve. Together they will repopulate the earth. May God have mercy on us all.
here
I kind of resemble Steve, except I ration myself to one bottle of red wine a week and I don’t own any guns.
But don’t think I’m not a Second Amendment advocate. I am.
It’s just that I’m a lousy shot and I have other hobbies besides firearms. I’m on a pretty tight budget but I honestly can’t think of many things I really need just now.
Besides, having done more of my growing up in Miami than I would care to admit, I learned early that there are a lot of things you can do to protect yourself short of concealed carry. Not that I would discourage anyone who feels the need.
Above all, it’s vital to learn what places in your community are “no go zones.”
Probably. The handshake is to test general strength in a possible ally or enemy. The firmer, the more fit, the greater the potential. Part of the threat-assessment checklist.
7) Chuck, the UPS driver:
Chuck will outlive all of his customers, because half of Steve’s ammo, Brad’s granola, Nancy’s toilet paper, Mary’s booze and Karen’s whatever is still in his truck, after spilling out of crushed & ruptured boxes. Chuck doesn’t care if your package arrives intact, because he doesn’t have to (one of the advantages of a union contract ;>)…
Obama has invited him to walk to his mansion for his free supplies, reminding him to avoid using any fossil fuels as that makes the oceans rise.
[Side note: The mansion is on Martha's Vineyard, 7 miles off of Cape Cod. Have a fun swim!]
[[If Steve is a true prepper, he would not demand a handshake. To the contrary, he would refuse one.]]
Are you gonna argue with Steve?
we respect your decision not to have firearms, especially if you think you’re a poor shot
but frankly you really should get armed now(and when possible, get some basic training)....
you really really should, respectfully. now is not the time to be without basic defenses
as we were.
best,
Brad, Nancy, and Karen starred in “Idiocracy”.
That’s funny,,,
“Steve will probably eat him.”
probably more dangerous than bat guano soup
“No Go Zones”
.
If this “Virus”
is a First Strike
in a Coordinated
Attack on
Western Civilization,
You’re back porch
Will be a
“No Go Zone!”
“Wellcome to Costco,
I Love You!”
gin and tonic is the cure.
Now THAT’S funny!
Muh-muh-muh-muh-muh my corona ... With apologies to The Knack.
LOL.
That’s funny. I have been working full time through this thing (courier) and I was telling myself that as I purchase various things. “I’m helping!” LOL.
Sounds about right. BTW, my name is Steve and my wife is Mary
Thanks for replying to my post.
Believe me, I have thought a lot about whether I need a firearm. I’m always willing to change my views based on evidence.
However, I would need a lot more than basic training. I remember from my Army days that I was worse than a bad shot — I could barely qualify on my M-16. I couldn’t hold the rifle steady and my eyes couldn’t really focus on the target — and that’s with glasses that were perfectly fine for driving and all other purposes.
I’m fortunate enough to live in a low-crime area and don’t travel very often. Aside from a little volunteer work, I’m at home pretty much all the time.
While I have certain prepper tendencies, as I stated in my original post, I feel free to pick and choose according to what I think will work best for me.
Right now, I’m pretty happy about how well stocked I am with non-perishable food, toiletries, and other essentials.
Firearms will remain an open question for me. If I thought I had any latent ability as a marksman, I would have already purchased one and would no doubt be hitting the range often.
But at 62, I recognize that the Lord, in His wisdom, hasn’t given me much in the way of manual dexterity. The one thing I absolutely hate about myself is that I’m constantly dropping things. And it’s not like I’m careless or constantly in a hurry. I’m just a clumsy person, I’ve been that way all my life, and nothing I’ve tried helps all that much, aside from slowing down.
So, I think you may get an idea why I’ve always reserved judgment on firearm ownership.
Of course, all that may change. But God have mercy on whichever marksmanship instructor gets me.
How long past a date can you go? What’s your criteria? Smell?
I watched a documentary formed around the idea of gleaning (Agnes Varda’s THE GLEANERS AND I, France), and one of the subjects decided he would live for a whole year eating the throwaways from restaurants, just to test himself/conserve. He used the smell test and said he never got sick.
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