Posted on 10/02/2015 1:07:16 PM PDT by The Looking Spoon
Here is their leader...
There's a recent article in the "Men's Style" section of the New York Times titled 27 Ways to Be a Modern Man.
You should never judge a book by its cover, except for now. This is as bad as you'd imagine. Maybe worse.
I won't list all 27, just the worst five, with comment. You can see all 27 here and I recommend you do, because it was extremely difficult to pick the worst five.
1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.When any man buys shoes for his spouse AND knows how brands are sized the spouse is also a man because that couple is gay. That is the ONLY scenario where this makes any sense whatsoever.
I barely buy shoes for myself, and it's after my current pair (as in one) is getting made fun of by homeless people. Even then all I try to do is find the same exact pair.
So what's this BS about me buying shoes for my wife? I @#$% up buying her preferred brand of soap, and we use the same shower.
8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche simpleton.I recently got into a huge back and forth with a liberal on Tumblr that started because I mocked a different liberal for using the term "post abortive person." Apparently my "gauche simpleton" mind doesn't understand that it's "cissexist" to think that because women are not the only people of getting pregnant.
I think this one needs a rewrite: "The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “progressive” not “deluded sociopath bent on destroying all things moral and decent” like some gauche simpleton."
17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?Melons weren't the first thing that baller scooped...again, "heterosexual" doesn't seem to be a piece that will fit in this particular puzzle.
Let's say, for the sake of argument, that a hetero man does serve perfectly formed melon balls to his buddies, it better be so they could do target practice out of his home-made melon-ball gun while waiting for the delivery of their cheese stuffed crust pizza topped with bacon stuffed pork under a block of cheese that resides over beer marinated tomato sauce.
21. The modern man doesn’t scold his daughter when she sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly everywhere.This is oddly specific and descriptive. Is this some sort of euphemism for abortion?
25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.That's because the melon baller did it's job. #16 didn't make the top five, but it was about protecting the wife...apparently the author isn't serious about that. I'd expect nothing less from a New York Times wiener. If only we could show gun-owning troglodytes they can defend themselves from a gun without a gun in a way that's less make-believe than Kryptonian DNA.
“The modern man never goes grocery shopping without his personal shopping bags, preferably made of hemp.”
I must be a troglodyte. First, I grab a case of beer outta the cooler. On top of that goes the burger and burger buns. Then a bag of chips. Some chocolate fudge for the slinky ladies. A fifth of bourbon and box of cigars for my buddies. And finally a butcher bone for the hound. Then it all goes in the gas-guzzling pickup.
Personal bags my butt...
The real modern man has no use for "a" gun. He needs at least 6 or 8 of them.
Their p* (are) plain and simple (?)
Are you speaking of a transgender identifying as a “man”?
Otherwise, they wouldn’t own p*...
Confused... Where do they keep their p*?
me cave man
No new age falderal for me. I take the old piece of soap and press it into the new bar with sheer muscle power. I have a perpetual bar of soap that has lasted for at least a couple of years with no waste.
“Modern” = Incapable of:
1-surviving a night in the woods.
2-the most minor car maintenance.
3-hitting a nail with a hammer.
There's your problem ...
Apparently yall are less manly than me....because I have no idea why that’s funny or is supposed to be.
:)
Lucky you weren't trying to buy clothes for a niece or daughter and stumbled into a Victoria's Secret. Probably would have gotten thrown out and had the cops called. LOL.
However, the same woman does not like cash for a gift. "Why can't you buy me something?" she would wail. No gift cards either. So she must explicitly write down what she wants, and then I can go and get it for her.
“I @#$% up buying her preferred brand of soap, and we use the same shower.”
I also find it very convenient to utilize Bill Cosby’s strategy to avoid doing stuff for other people: screw it up so badly the first time, that no one will ever let you try again. Guys, this WORKS!
So you're in that 1800s once a week shower mode?
25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.
26. The modern man cries. He cries often.
Hubby and I have been married 33 yrs and towards the beginning of our marriage he decided he was going to buy me a pair of boots for Christmas. I never wore them. Not once. He finally said....are you ever going to wear those boots? Nope, they don’t fit. He didn’t understand that since they were my size. He switched to buying me jewelry real fast. Lol
“Yep...I am in the clothing business and I NEVER EVER buy clothing for my wife. One exception...last year near Christmas she put an overcoat in my hands and said “buy this for me for Christmas.” “
I’ve had a Hell of a time trying to make my wife understand that I wasn’t born with the mind-reading gene...and that I wouldn’t want in on the alleged thought process anyway. One birthday I kept telling her - for WEEKS - that if she didn’t tell me what she wanted, that she’d only get a card...and that’s what happened. She was P.O.’d big time, but I guess that I finally got through to her. It is the X Chromosome Poisoning - it destroys the brain center required for logical thought.
They wear pajamas while talking about Obamacare?
Metrosexuals: Homosexuals that can’t get laid.
“Lucky you weren’t trying to buy clothes for a niece or daughter and stumbled into a Victoria’s Secret.”
A gal I know went into a VC (perhaps for the first time?). The counter girl asked what she was looking for.
“Well - it’s our 20th Anniversary - and I was looking for something sexy to surprise my husband with.”
“Well sure. What size is he?”
True story!
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