Posted on 12/29/2014 6:38:35 PM PST by Kartographer
Because obviously being a lying, cheating, family abandon-er trumps anything I did to our marriage in the past decade. Right?
Wrong.
I deflected any and all culpability in the failure of my marriage for months, holding on to the picture I painted of myself as the gentle, selfless and long-suffering wife. It wasn't until I found a therapist who called me out on my bullsh*t that I was forced to take a long, hard look at my shortcomings.
It wasn't pretty.
Here's what I now know actually screwed up my marriage. May it serve as a warning to you. Before it's too late.
(Excerpt) Read more at huffingtonpost.com ...
I know it happens, but I can't imagine a woman doing this and simply not realizing the damage they may be doing. My mother was a proud woman who would never give unsolicited advice and was always worried about wearing out her welcome anywhere - and my wife's mother also would never dare to get involved in our marriage either.
1: Don’t nag
2: Don’t gossip with your girlfriends
3: Don’t put down his interests
4: Make an effort to be attractive
I could go on and on. One real bugaboo with me is any woman who says “Relationships are hard work.”
I have a job, I work hard all day nearly every day. I don’t want to come home and go on dates for more hard work.
> Marry an Asian girl, problem solved.
Uh, no. There are plenty of crazy Asian women. I speak from experience.
I haven’t seen it since I saw it at the theater. I really should watch it again. It really was scary in a Hitchcock sort of way. And I was not joking. I really did have an ex who got seriously crazy.
I have an Asian friend whose white husband is in the process of dumping her for a white girlfriend. His reasoning is no different than any you read here. People are people, and skin color doesn’t change it.
Been married 25 wonderful years. Because of 3 words. Yes Dear, absolutely. Any and all questions are answered that way. Any question that forces me to deviate from that answer usually leads to some sort of confrontation.
For her parents, I substitute Dear for mom and pop, but the answer is the same. Only time I ever deviated from that answer landed me in the dog house and I my inlaws refused to talk to me for almost 5 years?
The question? How can you like that George Bush? Answer. If Hitler was a democrat you would vote for him. They are Jewish.
Yes. There is crazy in every color and sex!
Reading between the lines, it sounds like you don't get a ton of support from your wife. Well, you knew what you were in for, so I am POSITIVE that you are coping.
You WILL outlive the inlaws and then...be free of the annoyance. My mother-in-law didn't like me but I took my a brother-in-law's advice, JUST like yours:
You're right.
Yes, that was pretty silly of me to do.
Et cetera.
Everyone is gone now but I am glad I did it that way. One day my mother-in-law came to visit us and whispered in my ear: "I love you." I almost fainted.
Later I told my husband that his mother MUST be ill to say what she did. She WAS ill and passed away not too long after that.
We only go around once so there is EVERY reason to do things the right way.
That is a great instructional video for any man.
It was mine, too.
Didn’t seem like it at first but the best day of my life (after 27 years and 49 weeks of marriage......217.58 dog years, mind you) was when she said she realized she couldn’t change me and wanted a divorce.
No more mommy/daddy issues, no more over-focus on our kid issues, and I suddenly had more discretionary income than I ever realized.
If a man is repeatedly told he can do nothing right, then he will proceed to do the one thing he knows he can do right: nothing.
Some people are visual thinkers, some auditory, and some kinesthetic/tactile. Of the latter (at least), verbal abuse is mentally equal to being pushed/punched/slapped/etc. Those of the first two types may wonder what the big deal is, contending that actual physical abuse is actionable in ways verbal/emotional isn’t; they don’t understand that some brains are wired such that there isn’t a difference.
Some people are anti-empathetic. They just do not grasp what their self-focused behavior means to others, and find the expressed needs of others as taking from themselves. Methinks it’s not to be confused with narcissism, sociopathy, or psychopathy - it just doesn’t occur to them that giving way for others to fulfill their needs is a good thing. Whether this is innate, or learned from in turn abusive environments, is unclear. Attachment to someone deeply empathetic doesn’t go well.
Of course, all advice for someone in such an emotionally abusive relationship amounts to “get out” or “do X/Y/Z, the other will change”. Sometimes “get out” isn’t an option. Sometimes the other won’t change. Nary a suggestion for how to break the abuser of their habits, mainly because the abuser is willing to “play chicken” with what the abused holds dear.
Lol, did that, we’re on our 14th year and still having kids.
I don’t know....your name is CrazyIvan...and I’m one of those moody Irish b*tches....maybe we should watch it together!
My hubby can chaperone, he’ll sleep through it like he did last time.
Actually the movie that freaked us out the most was “Blood Simple”. Did you ever see that?
We saw it in the movies when I was very pregnant. We came back from the theatre and went to our local bodega. We knew we needed beer and milk, so we got those. We also bought bottled water, juice and a couple of kinds of soda. We carried all these heavy bottles up to our 4th floor walk up and started just drinking everything. A beer, have a soda, let me get water, you know, I’d like a glass of milk.
After about 15 minutes we looked at each other and said: gee, you think that movie kind of affected us?
“Been married 25 wonderful years. Because of 3 words. Yes Dear, absolutely. “
That’s not wonderful.
That’s doormat.
Never heard of it. Just did a search to confirm you weren’t thinking of “Blood Work” another Eastwood movie. I’ll check it out.
I’ll send your certificate for successful completion of the regression analysis course right to you...:-)
#48 Life Science The Wife Hack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsKB3uJpAVQ
You, Sir have won the prize!!!
Asian women can be the very BEST of friend/lover/wife.
I, myself, have completely fallen in love with an amazing, precious, God-fearing, beautiful Pinay!
-Sol David
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