If a man is repeatedly told he can do nothing right, then he will proceed to do the one thing he knows he can do right: nothing.
Some people are visual thinkers, some auditory, and some kinesthetic/tactile. Of the latter (at least), verbal abuse is mentally equal to being pushed/punched/slapped/etc. Those of the first two types may wonder what the big deal is, contending that actual physical abuse is actionable in ways verbal/emotional isn’t; they don’t understand that some brains are wired such that there isn’t a difference.
Some people are anti-empathetic. They just do not grasp what their self-focused behavior means to others, and find the expressed needs of others as taking from themselves. Methinks it’s not to be confused with narcissism, sociopathy, or psychopathy - it just doesn’t occur to them that giving way for others to fulfill their needs is a good thing. Whether this is innate, or learned from in turn abusive environments, is unclear. Attachment to someone deeply empathetic doesn’t go well.
Of course, all advice for someone in such an emotionally abusive relationship amounts to “get out” or “do X/Y/Z, the other will change”. Sometimes “get out” isn’t an option. Sometimes the other won’t change. Nary a suggestion for how to break the abuser of their habits, mainly because the abuser is willing to “play chicken” with what the abused holds dear.
“Of the latter (at least), verbal abuse is mentally equal to being pushed/punched/slapped/etc. Those of the first two types may wonder what the big deal is, contending that actual physical abuse is actionable in ways verbal/emotional isn’t; they don’t understand that some brains are wired such that there isn’t a difference.”
Thanks for this. It explains a lot about who I am.