Posted on 02/05/2014 4:15:29 AM PST by xzins
Last night, someone emailed and asked me to write about the gay marriage case in Virginia. This morning, a woman from Wisconsin asked if I would blog about the gay marriage case in her state. A few readers in Utah have also requested that I chime in on the gay marriage fight there.
And so I was going to do just that. I sat down to type a scathing rant about gay marriage. I sat down to tell the world that gay marriage is the greatest threat to the sanctity of marriage.
But then I remembered this:
That’s a sign I saw on the side of the road a little while back. Divorce for sale! Only 129 dollars! Get ‘em while they’re hot!
And then I remembered an article I read last week about the new phenomenon of “divorce parties.” Divorced is the new single, the divorce party planner tells us.
And then I remembered another article claiming that the divorce rate is climbing because the economy is recovering. Now that things are getting a little better, we can finally splurge on that divorce we’ve always wanted!
And then I remembered that – ebbs and flows notwithstanding – there is one divorce every 13 seconds, or over 46,000 divorces a week in this country. And then I remembered that, although the “50 percent of marriages end in divorce” statistic can be misleading, we’re still in a situation where there are half as many divorces as there are marriages in a single year.
And then I remembered no-fault divorce. I remembered that marriage is the ONLY LEGAL CONTRACT A PERSON CAN BREAK WITHOUT THE OTHER PARTY’S CONSENT AND WITHOUT FACING ANY LEGAL REPERCUSSIONS.
Sorry to scream at you.
But I remembered that marriage has for decades been, from a legal perspective, the least meaningful, least stable, and least protected contract in existence, and I think this fact should be emphasized.
And then I remembered how many Christian churches gave up on marriage long ago, allowing their flock to divorce and remarry and divorce and remarry and divorce and remarry, and each time permitting the charade of “vows” to take place on their altars. And then I remembered that churches CAN lower the divorce rate simply by taking a consistent position on it — which is why practicing Catholics are significantly less likely to break up — but many refuse because they are cowards begging for the world’s approval.
And then I remembered that over 40 percent of America’s children are growing up without a father in the home. And then I remembered that close to half of all children will witness the breakdown of their parent’s marriage. Half of that half will also have the pleasure of watching a second marriage fall apart.
And then I remembered that more and more young people are opting out of marriage because the previous generation was so bad at it that they’ve scared their kids away from the institution entirely.
I remembered all of these things, and I decided to instead write about the most urgent threat to the sanctity of marriage.
Divorce.
Divorces are as common as flat tires, and they often happen for reasons nearly as frivolous.
The institution of marriage is crumbling beneath us; it’s under attack, it’s mortally wounded, it’s sprawled out on the pavement with bullet wounds in its back, coughing up blood and gasping for breath. And guess who did this? It wasn’t Perez Hilton or Elton John, I can tell you that.
This is the work of divorce.
I am an opponent of gay marriage, but we here in the “sanctity of marriage” camp are tragically too afraid to approach the thing that is destroying marriage faster than anything else ever could. Gay marriage removes from marriage its procreative characteristic, but rampant divorce takes away its permanent characteristic. It makes no sense to concentrate all of our energy on the former while all but ignoring the latter.
To make matters worse, some of the loudest mouth pieces for “traditional marriage” in media and politics are bigamists, adulterers, and men with two, three, or four ex-wives. It’s not that you can’t defend the sanctity of marriage when you have been divorced multiple times, it’s just that you have zero credibility on the subject.
If you beat and abuse your children so badly that they have to be removed from you, you could, I suppose, still complain if you found out that your kids are also being mistreated in their foster home. But your anger must first be directed at yourself, because it is YOUR FAULT that they are suffering in this way.
So whose fault is it that the institution of marriage is beaten and broken? I don’t think we want to contemplate that question, for fear that we might see ourselves in the answer.
Should laws be written to “defend marriage”? Sure, and let’s start with legislation to make divorces at least somewhat harder to obtain than a magazine subscription. How serious are we about this? Anyone up for a law to criminalize adultery? What about putting some restrictions on re-marriage?
There are certainly times when a couple has no choice but to go their separate ways. What else can you do in cases of serial abuse or serial adultery, or when one party simply abandons the other? But infidelity and abuse do not explain the majority of divorces in this country, and they are not the leading causes of break-ups. According to these “experts,” the top causes of divorce are a lack of individual identity, “getting into it for the wrong reasons,” and “becoming lost in the roles.” A survey done by the National Fatherhood Institute found lack of communication, and finances to be the leading culprits. An article in The Examiner also cites finances as the most potent divorce-fuel.
In other words, these days marriages can be blown apart by the slightest gust of wind, coming from any direction, and for any reason. Noticeably absent from all of these polls about the reasons for divorce: gay marriage.
That’s because gay marriage is not the biggest threat to marriage.
We are.
We are, when we vow on our very souls to stand by someone for the rest of our lives, until death do us part, only to let financial troubles and communication difficulties dissolve that union we forged before God. We are, when we forget about those Biblical readings we picked out for our wedding service:
My lover belongs to me and I to him. He says to me: “Set me as a seal on your heart, as a seal on your arm; For stern as death is love, relentless as the nether world is devotion; its flames are a blazing fire. Deep waters cannot quench love, nor floods sweep it away.”
For stern as death is love.
When we marry, we die. Our old selves die, and we are born anew into each other; into the unbreakable marital bond.
We are a threat to the sanctity of marriage when we let our selfishness fool us into thinking that our wedding vows weren’t that serious.
Indeed, despite popular sentiment, they were serious. They are serious. They’re as serious as death.
The struggle to protect marriage is also serious. It’s an important battle.
So maybe it’s time we actually start fighting it.
*NOTE. To answer your questions: no, I have not actually been divorced four times. I’ve been married once, and I’m still married to her, and I’ll never be married to anyone else. The title was tongue-in-cheek. I was writing it from the perspective of the sorts of people who rant about the sanctity of marriage, yet have racked up multiple ex-spouses. Perhaps I should have been more clear about this. In any case, there it is. I appreciate your concern.
What else can you do . . . when one party simply abandons the other?
This is what has happened to me. My wife left me. For no good reason. I believe in marriage. I took my vows seriously and did not break them. I did everything I could over the last couple of years to try to keep our marriage together. But she was not willing. I am opposed to divorce. But there is nothing I can do to stop it. The divorce is scheduled to be finalized next week.
my condolences
It is something that probably wouldn’t have happened a hundred years ago. I’m saddened by what has happened to you. But, what do you think are the major differences between now and a hundred years ago?
I’ve been married once, and never divorced, so I feel qualified to make a statement here.
Yes, divorce and other consequences of the sexual revolution of the 60s, have practically destroyed marriage.
But that is no excuse for taking a bad situation and making it worse.
Keep in mind that the left made it affordable when they gave single and unwed mothers extra cash for each child. That which you reward you increase.
I agree. Divorce does not legitimize homosexual marriage. That is a huge leap in illogic.
Very true. So true it hurts.
My synod (Lutheran LCMS) is to lax on divorce. Even with that we have lower rates than most churches.
Most pastors and priests are very scared about preaching or talking about divorce. To many in the pews have gone through it, and many are hurting from it, to make it an easy sermon.
We as the Church need to fix our own flippant disregard of marriage.
There is honestly a lot of truth in that.
Marriage used to be defined as a man and a woman coming together to form a family with (God willing) kids.
Then it became a contract to.. well just have fun.
Someone once observed that a majority of people are against abortion except for rape, incest, and ... my personal situation. In the same way, it seems that if people are against divorce at all, they allow exceptions for abuse, adultery, and ... my personal situation.
If we say a short-term “starter marriage” is okay, as long as one settles down with spouse #2, or if we say there should be an easy walk-away clause when middle-aged people with grown children have “drifted apart,” then we’re simply saying that marriage means nothing.
This is what you want, this is what you get.
Liberal Premise: Marriage isn’t working so we should let gay people do it.
Riiggghhhttttt......
Divorce is a process and symptom, not a disease to marriage. Marriages that end in divorce usally indicate the marriage was a bad idea to begin with. Especially those within the first five years.
I see the biggest problem these days as the instant gratification of quick marriages without thinking through the consequences of the action. People don’t seem to want to take the time to truly get to know someone first and then are shocked by behavior later.
I’ve been married for close to 30 years and I’ve had many opportunites to cheat. But if I wanted to fool around I wouldn’t have gotten married and stayed single.
But the fact heterosexuals screw it up doesn’t equal same sex marriage is better. Let’s say the majority of states go for same sex marriage and it eventually becomes moot. Are these same leftist going to blast marriage when same sex couples start divorcing at the same rates?
That's what I read too - and yes, 'gelatinous mass of contradiction' was from me... not every day I can work that into a conversation. But it was appropriate. ;-)
I will close this rant with some wise words from Sarah Palin: "Build the America you want in your home ... and keep looking up."
Exactly! (even if not the exact quote)
You are reading with too much intelligence. Please reduce your comprehension to knee jerk reactions.
I’m going to try to find occasions to use “we will have dominion over all time and space.” It’s so visually vivid!
I think Sarah said “on your street,” or something like that, but in this context, that’s too large a scope. All you can do is affect your own family, and be a good neighbor on your street, regardless.
Oh, for the love of Pete! I went upstairs to get the baby out of trouble, and me teenagers redid my post!
Also, my hands are freezing and I can’t type.
Bingo. This reads like the text of a sermon in which he introduced a "wedge issue" to wake up the sleepers in the pews; but his real point is about marriage.
I agree that marriage has fallen into complete disrepair in our culture. But having researched the laws surrounding it, I find that the "liberation" movements of the 60s onward, where most of the prior expectations of marriage were carried up to the Supreme Court where they were liberalized wholesale, had a lot to do with destroying most social supports for marriage. The high court overwhelmingly upheld the "rights" of the unmarriued to be treated identically to the married in terms of access to birth control, and marriage-indifference in childbearing and rearing, employment in areas affecting children, lodging and housing. As these supports were cut away, couples who are young or who need some time to adjust into full marital responsibility were cut adrift. As well, palimony and no-fault were death blows to the institution, especially the idea that adultery or abandonment would carry no legal for financial consequences. With the best intentions, illegitimacy lost its stigma; however, it also lost any social approbrium and can no longer be used as a negative consequence to deny employment. And while no-fault divorces are easier to obtain, the threat of divorce bankrupting one's future has also put a damper on getting married in the first place.
As a result of this radically liberal agenda, marriage has become a situation of Russian roulette.
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