Posted on 07/11/2013 8:27:58 AM PDT by Sopater
Yes, definitely. But hear me out.
Every homeschooling parent knows about the “S” word—socialization. We’ve all had conversations with concerned relatives who wonder if our kids are being properly socialized. Read any article about homeschooling in a mainstream media source and inevitably, the comments section will fill up with concerns about it. Never mind that we also talk about socializing puppies or that it’s something we do at after-work Happy Hours, and that children who are caught socializing too much in school are reprimanded. People who don’t know anything about the homeschooling family down the street have “grave concerns” about whether those children are being properly socialized.
By “socialization,” many of these folks are really wondering if the kids will grow up to be weird or odd somehow. There are two basic assumptions—false assumptions—that people make when considering homeschoolers and the threat of “weird” personalities that arise because of a lack of socialization.
The first assumption is that anyone can adequately define “weird.”
If you were the homecoming queen who was named Miss Congeniality in your high school yearbook and went on to have a daughter who followed in your footsteps, you will have a very specific image in your mind of how a “normal” high school kid should look and act. Likewise, if you were the gym rat who majored in football.
On the other hand, if you were the shy, shaggy-haired boy who eschewed grooming and spent your high school lunch hour playing Dungeons and Dragons, your categories for “weird” and “normal” will skew a little differently than Joe Football’s categories. Beauty and normal are in the eye of the beholder. And contrary to the persistent Duggar-style stereotype, homeschoolers come in all shapes, sizes, and personality types. There are the jocks, the hipsters, the computer geeks, and the goth kids (although you will find plenty who actually are just like the Duggars).
The second assumption is that homeschooling causes children to become odd or socially awkward. Most critics who make that assumption or hurl the accusation don’t know (or ignore) the growing body of research to the contrary demonstrating that homeschooled children grow up to be normal, well-adjusted adults. Far from being socially isolated, the average homeschooled child participates in 5.2 activities outside the home every week.
While there are plenty of homeschooled kids who seem odd by homecoming queen standards, there are plenty of kids in public school who also fit that category. On what shall we blame their awkward behavior? How do we explain so many students who don’t fit in at school and struggle at the margins of social acceptance? Bullies pounce on every aberration of what is considered acceptable behavior by the “in” crowd and weird kids who don’t conform are kicked to the curb. Many families whose children are victims of school bullying actually turn to homeschooling to protect their kids from the violence and emotional harm they experienced in school.
Ultimately, “weird” people exist in every walk of life, regardless of the child’s educational background. My personal (admittedly anecdotal) theory is that children generally turn out to be a lot like their parents, regardless of whether or not they attended school. The offspring of geeky parents who revel in marathon sci-fi movie weekends and go all out for Renaissance fairs — complete with custom made costumes — are going to produce children who have similar interests. Public school probably cannot cure the children coming from that level of ingrained geek culture at home. Parents who live for sports and start their kids in soccer and t-ball at age 4, spending their evenings and weekends shuttling the kiddos from one practice to another, are generally (not always, but generally) going to have children who enjoy and participate in sports as they get older, regardless of their schooling choices.
So will your kids grow up to be weird if you homeschool them? Yes, definitely. Someone — right now, this very minute — thinks you are weird because you are not like them. And someone will think your children are weird for the same reason. But the way you choose to educate them will not be the cause.
Right! Definitely. Just like all other kids. Only homeschooled kids are a better, different kind of not normal. (big grin)
Great job!
When my kids were babies, one of my cousins asked where we’d be sending them to school. I replied ‘we’ll homeschool’. Her retort was along the lines of ‘well, we thought about that but decided we’d rather OUR children be POPULAR’.
Well now. The ‘popular’ oldest girl is due any day now. She’s not 18 yet and no one is sure who the baby’s father is. This is an intact home and the kids are front and center at church every single sunday. Mom is a housewife who could have easily homeschooled. But as it turns out, these days the ‘popular’ kids are the one most ‘Kardashian’ like. And if you’re ‘proud’ that your kid runs with the popular crowd you’d better start spying. Because I can guarantee they’re up to no good. It’s Caligula’s barge out there.
We’ll pass on that sort of popular. Thanks anyways.
Many students from the public schools have long-term psychiatric problems due to their experiences there.
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I hope so, considering what *normal* is.
Both of ours are sooooo weird.
It’s so great!
The younger one’s moving up in sports ... Popular... And Has a sweet merciful heart, loves animals, and is working at VBS this week.
The other is an AF cadet aerospace engineering Eagle Scout on a full scholarship at one of the best universities in the country.
Weird.
Both of ours are sooooo weird.
It’s so great!
The younger one’s moving up in sports ... Popular... And Has a sweet merciful heart, loves animals, and is working at VBS this week.
The other is an AF cadet aerospace engineering Eagle Scout on a full scholarship at one of the best universities in the country.
Weird.
Reading the posts, I notice a common thread: many of the homeschoolers here are quite active in their church or synagogue. This, IMHO, creates the most normalizing effect among homeschoolers — morality, fear of God, respect for authority, emulation of adult, not adolescent, behavior. Probably good role models around them — especially for the boys.
I wager that much of the socialization comes from church/synagogue activities, a far more wholesome alternative to the decadence of the public schools.
Yeah I think I'm one of them.
Socialization is important, I think it would go better outside a prison, I mean "school" setting. Nowadays with the heightened security it's becoming more and more like prison everyday. More security guards, dumber teachers, fun fun fun, I'm glad I'm not a kid right now, it was bad enough back in the day.
The government school “social” set these folks are so enamored of is not safe for children; spiritually, morally, intellectually, or physically. This is an obvious fact.
It helps to understand where these people are coming from if every time they say “the kids won’t be properly socialized” you do a quick translation in your head: what they really mean is “we’re afraid that there’s no way we will be able to turn them into good little socialists if you keep them at home.”
The understatement of the year.
I’m still plagued by nightmares of school (in addition to my usual other ones...). :-(
Once in while I still have a bad dream were I’m back in “class” (used to have them commonly). And it’s been over 10 years, so I understand.
I still have odd ones 34 years after I started Kindergarten... ugh.
I am still dealing with my share of emotional issues from my school years. There are other factors, and I wouldn’t say that I have long term psychiatric issues, but there certainly was damage done that over 40 years later, I’ still working through.
Matter of fact, 20 years ago when we decided to homeschool, my public school experience was one of the major factors in our decision. I would not and could not put my kids through what I went through.
Mine are weird, too.
My son, who graduated college and got married at 23, has full time job in the field he wants and just took a job in the state he wants. He went out there and pursued it until he got it. All within the last two months.
He but the cord himself. None of this pushing him out the door and nagging him to be on his own.
My daughters, one on each side of him, are equally independent although one is still in college and the other still having a hard time getting a job.
Meh. Who needs *normal*?
Mine are successful.
Some of us are just not suited for the sausage factory I guess, though I don’t see how anyone would be.
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