The Five Worst Pizzas In the World

matadornights ^

[big black dog]

Pronto Pizza – La Serena, Chile

This creator of this restaurant should be thrown in jail. You’re looking at a picture of what should be called The Hawaiian Bastard.

It arrived half-cooked. I had to dig through a thicket of shredded ham, pineapple and –yes – cherries before finding a bite that seemed reasonable.

Imagine if candy was made out of ham. No, don’t imagine it as delicious. Imagine it as foul! That’s what this pizza tasted like. With additional pieces of uncooked, shredded, part-skim mozzarella.

Oh, and let’s discuss the concept of cherries on pizza: No. End of discussion.

Buenos Aires, Argentina

For the most part, don’t even bother with pizza in Buenos Aires. It’s about the most disgusting thing ever cooked in a country full of things that are perfectly cooked. Get thee to a meatery and skip this nonsense.

Don’t believe me? Witness big goops of cheese that taste like year-old butter. Add Oregano to cover the sweating fromage, which overpowers any hope for a cohesive taste. Toss on green olives the size of human testicles, just to make the whole thing seem even less palatable than…testicles.

The cheese is the problem here – somehow the Argentines know what to do with the meaty part of the cow but they have no idea what to do with the milky part. It sweats as if masturbating, defending a pie of oozy things that can’t be wiped up with a paper towel (it adheres to the slop and only makes it worse).

If you must eat a pizza in Buenos Aires, I highly recommend that you eat out. Anything delivered will arrive on one side of the box, looking more like a swollen eye than a pizza pie.

San Marco S.R.L., Piazza San Marco, Florence, Italy

It’s one of those In Theory pizzas, kind of like the crazy-combo pies that chains launch and pull before the coupon hits your mailbox. Yes, this is a French Fry Pizza.

What it amounts to is a pile of potatoes cooked in greasy cheese and pizza dough. It doesn’t work – not in the least. I watched another tourist give it a go and she couldn’t figure it out either. She squiggled a little ketcup onto her piece, took a bite, then threw it in the garbage. I assume that she pointed her hunger towards McDonalds shortly thereafter.

Please, put this miserable, suffering beast of a pizza down.

Suba Galaxy Hotel, Mumbai, India

A foul, atrocious pizza awaits anyone staying at The Suba Galaxy.

I broke budget in order to stay in a soundproofed room that blocked out Mumbai’s consistent howl. My stomach growled for something familiar and eventually I gave into the most primal of urges: Room Servive. The tray arrived, the lid came off and I could have cried. This was not my beautiful house. This was not my beautiful wife.

I implore you. DO NOT EVER put onions inside of a pizza, especially ripe and uncooked offenders. I’d also like to suggest that feta doesn’t work in this context and that mystery greens are not generally acceptable in any form.

This pizza was devious, deceptive and evil.

Italian Pizza, Lonely Beach, Koh Chang, Thailand

You’re thinking that it doesn’t look too bad, this one. This is only because you’ve seen the above pizza pictures. It’s relative, sir/mam. Look at it again. It’s awful!

The first thing that most Thai pizza-makers do is start with a pre-made base, kind of like you’d find in aisle six of Stop & Shop. Many times, they’ll take just about any kind of jarred tomato sauce (I’ve seen Ragu) and add it to cheese that tastes a bit of dirty socks and coriander. The pizza pictured is a fine example.

Yes – It serves us Falang tourists right for ordering pizza in Thailand. Yes – we should know better and just order the Pad Thai like every other backpacker. But no, we can’t resist the promise of a real pizza.

It’s the ladyboy of the food world – we know it’s not real but by-gosh, we’re going in anyway.

[allmendream]

Friend said a woman hit the local pizza joint when she had an epileptic fit while driving.

I said “Was it a Little Seizures/Caesars?”

[TexasPatriot1]

Someone forward this information to the PrezIC.
It might be an invaluable piece of knowledge for the first families next vacation.
BTW, has anyone told Moochelle about that big ole butt?
Wait, Wut?

[ravingnutter]

Chuck E. Cheese Pizza should be treated as a Crime Against Humanity.

LOL! I took my grandkids there to play games a couple of weeks ago...after we ate good pizza at Goomba's Pizzeria ; )

[Slings and Arrows]

There are times when it's good to be from Chicago. (Not often, but there are times.)

[ladyvet]

Same thing happened to me in Florance years ago. I went into a small shop and bought a serving to go. I took a couple of bites outside and tossed it.

[buccaneer81]

Mmmmm...gyoza...

[The_Sword_of_Groo]

Obama Pizza?

Whats it topped with? Arugula and bulls**t?

[a fool in paradise]

Imagine if candy was made out of ham.

[a fool in paradise]

While we are on this subject...

SPECIAL INVESTIGATION:
Why West Coast Pizza Tastes Like Crap

http://www.wfmu.org/LCD/22/sucky_pizza.html

Reason #2:
HAM AND PINEAPPLE BELONG AT A LUAU AND NOT ON A F**KING PIZZA.

[a fool in paradise]

Other ingredients which
should NOT be on a pizza:

Asparagus
Seahorse Roe
Capers
Pine Nuts
BBQ Sauce
Corn Kernels
Bernaise Sauce
Diced Tofu
Thai Peanut Sauce
American Cheese
Coconut
Currants
Hoisin Sauce
Ginko Leaves
Royal Jelly
Blue-Green Algae

[count-your-change]

Suggestions: Go to Alaska and try The Indigenous Native Peoples Pizza, Chief ingredient, raw whale blubber (seal blubber may be substituted). For a cross cultural flavor, go south a bit and add the fermented fish sauce hand dipped from a wooden barrel bubbly fresh.

Or go low budget in Japan with the raw fish head on a bed of tofu dough pizza. Heating before eating is optional.

I'd add more but this has made me hungry! Ummmmm......

[y6162]

Hawaiian pizza is an anathema.. It is a sin against nature. It is below beastiality. Only commies eat Hawaiian pizza.

Pineapple on a pizza? Yuck.

[TheOldLady]

My most horrifying pizza was from some non-chain joint in California that had chicken pizza, but the chicken(?) bits on it were slimy and sqooshy. Ugh!

For Hubby, it was a barbecue pizza that he had in Texas. He was game and ate the thing, but never again. Barbecue sauce ≠ pizza sauce.

[spectre]

HAM AND PINEAPPLE BELONG AT A LUAU AND NOT ON A F**KING PIZZA.

I'm 100% Italian and was eating pizza before I could talk. That said, pineapple and canadian bacon pizza is delicious. Sorry...:)

sw

[FreeManWhoCan]

The worst pizza is in Cuba. I was there around 25 years ago and had to stop for gas near a bus stop. I saw this guy walking around with this bag on his shoulder. I asked my cousin what he was selling and he said it was pizza. I ordered a slice and he took one out of his bag. It was a triangular piece folded in half. I took a bite and my mouth was so offended that I spit it out. I looked at the slice and opened it up. It was just dough with a thin film of grease on top. A dog scampered over and smelled what I had spit and kept walking.

[metmom]

#6 must be Little Caesar’s

I was thinking Pizza Hut.

[Cvengr]

Believe it or not, Bacon and Jalapenos on a thin crust crispy pizza are actually a great side pizza at parties, (especially if people imbibed).

[metmom]

The author seems to be a whiney pretentious snot.

Much like James Beard.

It seems to come with the territory with those who fancy themselves connoisseurs of food.

However, some of those creations doesn't qualify as pizza. Throwing stuff on a pizza crust a pizza does not make.

[metmom]

FOTFLOL!!!

[metmom]

Alright...

HOW DO YOU MAKE THE *not equal to* SIGN?!?!?!

I’ve been trying to figure that one out for years.