Posted on 09/13/2010 1:27:22 PM PDT by big black dog
Pronto Pizza – La Serena, Chile
This creator of this restaurant should be thrown in jail. You’re looking at a picture of what should be called The Hawaiian Bastard.
It arrived half-cooked. I had to dig through a thicket of shredded ham, pineapple and –yes – cherries before finding a bite that seemed reasonable.
Imagine if candy was made out of ham. No, don’t imagine it as delicious. Imagine it as foul! That’s what this pizza tasted like. With additional pieces of uncooked, shredded, part-skim mozzarella.
Oh, and let’s discuss the concept of cherries on pizza: No. End of discussion.
Buenos Aires, Argentina
For the most part, don’t even bother with pizza in Buenos Aires. It’s about the most disgusting thing ever cooked in a country full of things that are perfectly cooked. Get thee to a meatery and skip this nonsense.
Don’t believe me? Witness big goops of cheese that taste like year-old butter. Add Oregano to cover the sweating fromage, which overpowers any hope for a cohesive taste. Toss on green olives the size of human testicles, just to make the whole thing seem even less palatable than…testicles.
The cheese is the problem here – somehow the Argentines know what to do with the meaty part of the cow but they have no idea what to do with the milky part. It sweats as if masturbating, defending a pie of oozy things that can’t be wiped up with a paper towel (it adheres to the slop and only makes it worse).
If you must eat a pizza in Buenos Aires, I highly recommend that you eat out. Anything delivered will arrive on one side of the box, looking more like a swollen eye than a pizza pie.
San Marco S.R.L., Piazza San Marco, Florence, Italy
It’s one of those In Theory pizzas, kind of like the crazy-combo pies that chains launch and pull before the coupon hits your mailbox. Yes, this is a French Fry Pizza.
What it amounts to is a pile of potatoes cooked in greasy cheese and pizza dough. It doesn’t work – not in the least. I watched another tourist give it a go and she couldn’t figure it out either. She squiggled a little ketcup onto her piece, took a bite, then threw it in the garbage. I assume that she pointed her hunger towards McDonalds shortly thereafter.
Please, put this miserable, suffering beast of a pizza down.
Suba Galaxy Hotel, Mumbai, India
A foul, atrocious pizza awaits anyone staying at The Suba Galaxy.
I broke budget in order to stay in a soundproofed room that blocked out Mumbai’s consistent howl. My stomach growled for something familiar and eventually I gave into the most primal of urges: Room Servive. The tray arrived, the lid came off and I could have cried. This was not my beautiful house. This was not my beautiful wife.
I implore you. DO NOT EVER put onions inside of a pizza, especially ripe and uncooked offenders. I’d also like to suggest that feta doesn’t work in this context and that mystery greens are not generally acceptable in any form.
This pizza was devious, deceptive and evil.
Italian Pizza, Lonely Beach, Koh Chang, Thailand
You’re thinking that it doesn’t look too bad, this one. This is only because you’ve seen the above pizza pictures. It’s relative, sir/mam. Look at it again. It’s awful!
The first thing that most Thai pizza-makers do is start with a pre-made base, kind of like you’d find in aisle six of Stop & Shop. Many times, they’ll take just about any kind of jarred tomato sauce (I’ve seen Ragu) and add it to cheese that tastes a bit of dirty socks and coriander. The pizza pictured is a fine example.
Yes – It serves us Falang tourists right for ordering pizza in Thailand. Yes – we should know better and just order the Pad Thai like every other backpacker. But no, we can’t resist the promise of a real pizza.
It’s the ladyboy of the food world – we know it’s not real but by-gosh, we’re going in anyway.
Tell me they don’t put kimchi on their pizza! :>
North Korean pizza lives entirely in the imaginations of starving North Koreans: it could be made of ANYTHING and be an improvement on the foodless diet most of them are on.
I had a friend in Tokyo insist that we go out for pizza one night so he took me to his favorite place. The "pizza" he ordered came topped with canned corn, squid and those little fish they love to eat with rice that look like dried guppies.
We could have gone for noodles, yakitori or sushi. Instead, I end up in pizza hell. At least they had cold Asahi.
There isn't enough Mekhong whiskey and coke to make that edible.
Chef boi R D is not on the list because, as any college student knows, you alway add whatever leftovers are in the fidge, as toppings.
Reaction #1:
There must be something worse in the world.
Reaction #2, a sociological note, such as it is:
From simply reading “The Five Worst Pizzas in the World” nowadays, especially if it comes from a more MSM-y source, I’d be most likely to expect the five pizzas with the most calories per serving.
Yes, I read the preview text, which reassured me that this late, lamentable trend (calories = SINGUILTBAD!!!!1!) isn’t the case here. I still could’ve posted if it were the case, but probably to lament the trend.
Are you talkin about Little Seizures?
October, 1985. Alfred ME. The Milk Room. 8:00 PM. Don’t try to pass off a sliced Hot Dog as Sausage to an Italian whose Grand Parents were from the North End.
LOL.
Seems to me going to places that 1) one would never expect decent pizza, and 2)ordering pizza is something like going to a Ruth Chris or Texas Road House and asking for a vegetarian plate.
Bally’s Wild Wild West Casino in Atlantic City has a donut shop called Gold Tooth Gerties that has a window open to the boardwalk that serves the worst plain cheese pizza in America.
I'm talking about simply reading the title "The Five Worst Pizzas in the World."
Also, a little more detail: if you look up "the [x] worst drinks" in Your Favorite Search Engine, you'll find examples galore of what I mentioned in my last post.
My first non_american pizza was in Florence. What a disappointment. It was also my last.
Nothing like bathtub cheese with some form of disease in it to nasty this up some more.
People traveling to other countries should avoid processed foods. If you want cheese make sure it is melted at you table unless you are willing to take a gamble.
I took a look at pizza in South Korea, and passed. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. The local food of each Asian country (12) I have visited was great, but not (in my opinion) their variations of imported recipes (burgers, pizza, etc...). I’ve heard the Japanese have great steakhouses, but I stuck to yakisoba, gyoza and sushi instead.
The food in Thailand seemed different than the Thai restaurants here. Not better, not worse, just different.
(Maybe it WAS a little better, but I can’t identify the difference).
Why was it bad? (What was bad about it?).
You can move that up to number 1 for me.
LOL. Any pizza made in Thailand should be the #5 entry. Of course anyone wanting pizza in preference to Thai food is hopeless anyhow IMHO. My daughter was so disappointed many years ago when she was 7 and loved pizza that she has never forgotten.
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