Posted on 06/07/2007 6:49:15 PM PDT by buccaneer81
Stupid Men
June 7, 2007 at 6:04 pm · Filed under Sex & Relationships, Mating, Marriage & Divorce, Feminism, Child Support & Custody, Vox Populi
I’m going to give you the highlights of a very unfunny joke.
A man is married for 8 years, and comes home one night to “the talk.” The one about the relationship, about the need for space, (I have a boyfriend, and it’s getting to hard to cover it up) – a lot of us know the drill. So, he agrees to move out “for a while” to “work on the relationship.”
Fast forward a couple months. Honeybunch is getting irritated at him “just dropping by” to spend time with his kids or pick them up (Again, read “How can I have my new thang over here when you might catch us and make me look bad?”) and after one marriage counseling session he’s hit with the double whammy. A divorce suit and – you guessed it – an ex-parte restraining order.
Let’s review real quick – go to my “Divorce Self-Defense 101” article from a few years back, and catalogue the errors that have been made.
Okay. One error you missed – because I didn’t tell you – is that Schmuckly here has yet – after almost 3 months! – to secure the services of an attorney. Let alone listen to said lawyer.
It’s at this point that Dingleberry gets himself drunk, tries to call her – Thank God she changed the phone number – and so he calls me to drive him over there. I manage to talk him out of it. I get him insensible, and in the morning when hung over and his resistance is low, I convince him to call an attorney. I convince him to part with the $2500 dollars he’s been saving for Sweetie-dumpling-who-has-just-backstabbed-me’s “real engagement ring.” She’s not going to need it or wear it.
This lawyer – from a prestigious law firm specializing in Men and Divorce – advises him that he has a hearing on the restraining order in three weeks, and to tough it out. After a couple days of interviewing people who knew them and the marriage, he informs him that he can get the TRO nullified, and get him mandated visitation – maybe even split custody in the interim. Just be patient.
This lasts 3 more days. So what does Dumbass do?
He buys two dozen roses, and goes to where she works. He asks to see her. He makes the receptionist deliver the flowers. He goes back into the private offices. He gets her to “agree” to “Not now – I’m at work. *I’LL CALL YOU* about lunch and we can talk…”
Dippysquat goes out to his car, starts it, and puts it in reverse about the time two police cars and a sheriff zoom in, and draw down on him. Of course, Cuddlebuns is standing behind the door of the office, looking stricken and fearful, being comforted, while the fat lesbian secretary is out waiving the restraining order at the officers. El Stupido is quickly slammed on the ground with a shotgun trained on him, cuffed and put in a paddy wagon.
I don’t think I need to break out the crayolas here, do I? No bail. No hearing till the next week. Of course he’s calling me and whining about “I need to get out!” – what the hell can I do? He CALLS HER WORK (Dammit!) collect from jail – THREE TIMES!!! And by the time he goes in front of a judge he’s given 30 days in jail. Which he does two weeks of for good behavior, including his time served. Needless to say, when he goes before the judge on the TRO, the once slam dunk nullification of it turns into a 1 year extension, and his visitation is now supervised.
But, hey – fugginay – he’s RIGHT. She’s WRONG. He didn’t do ANYTHING. He doesn’t deserve this. She lied. All true. Just as true as the pedestrian who walks out in front of the speeding truck because they have the “walk” light.
Absolutely right. Dead right.
So where is Senor Idiote today, four months later? He’s fired his attorney, because he didn’t like the advice. He’s become Mr. Chivalry, acceding to every demand “for his children.” (Though it seems that fighting to stay in their lives and BE A DAMN FATHER TO THEM doesn’t occur to him.) He’s lost his job – being in jail for two weeks does that. Given up his house. Had his car repossessed. Is paying $600 a month for supervised visitation he doesn’t go to - but Mr. Probono thinks he’ll get custody of the kids in the end “because he’s right, she’s a bitch, I didn’t do nuthin…” even though he doesn’t – oh, what is the term – BOTHER TO EVEN SEE THEM? It’s “just too humiliating.”
Oh – and he’s mad at me. I talked him into spending the money for the ring he still wants to get this bitch, so I’m a SOB who gave him bad advice. He didn’t follow it, got screwed doing it his way instead of mine, but it was bad advice. He’s a new MRA convert, though. All gung-ho about how unfair it all is. I expect I’ll see him on the net anytime – if he gets a job, a place to live, and his computer hooked up – talking about how “Gonzo gave me advice I ignored so he screwed up my life” which is the tune he’s been singing these past five or six months.
Yeah. I understand he’s a brother. He’s hurting. Been there.
He’s still as dumb as a bag of hair. Stupid. Just butt-stupid. Ever hear the joke about the preacher in the flood who turns away a guy in a truck, a boat, and a helicopter because “God Will Provide?” When he drowns and stands before the Lord, he asks, “What happened?” and God replies “Look, I sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter – what do you want?”
Yeah, I know. Blaming the victim. Yeah, I know. Co-operating with a corrupt system. I’ve heard it all. I’ve heard it from him – know what I told him?
“So how’s that whole not seeing your kids at all working for ya?”
Yes, Virginia, the system sucks. Until you replace it, it is what you have to work with. Drop out of it and not support it? Fine and dandy – but first you have to get to a place where it can’t touch you. Fight against it? Do it from within the system or outside of it. Hint: If you plan on working outside, buy lots of ammunition – it is the only way that will have any effect.
Hey – if you can snatch your kids away to some country which won’t extradite you, more power to you. Until you can do that, though, you’re kind of stuck. Not seeing your kids, and not being there for them – out of some sense of martyrdom – not real bright, if you ask me – but if your pride is more important than flesh of your flesh… Well, whatever.
But you are walking out on your kids then, and when the Femherroids make that charge on you, the shoe fits. You’re not helping. Joe Moron who added to the “Stalkers who violate TRO’s” stat? He doesn’t help either. Find a way to cut off your nose to spite your face that doesn’t ruin it for your brothers, what say?
I’m not on the side of shitheel men. Cheat on your wife, you’re just as wrong as an adulterous woman. Beat her? Beat your kids? Molest your kids? To hell with you. I may give a lot of men the benefit of the doubt because groundless charges are so frequently made, and I will preach to the ends of the earth that feminists way, way, way overstate the frequency of such things. This doesn’t mean such men don’t exist, and I am not going to “be like a feminist” and defend men who are like that. We laughed and sneered at the Feminazis in Dallas who stood up for Andrea Yates, the child-murderer so we need to be as accountable.
I’ve had a few guys who did crap like this and then come to me or write me. Well, what do you want? St. Gonz to intercede? I got real falsely accused men, real guys who have got the shaft for no reason, real guys willing to take guidance and get better than what they fear – I have time for you why? You did it? Suck it up and take your lumps. Ignored good advice? I tell you the same thing I’d tell a Britney Spears walking around in downtown Detroit in her pantiless miniskirtness: What do you expect, DUMBASS?
I am frankly appalled and flabbergasted at times by the blinkered and self-defeating attitude many men have. We have one guy running around who is constantly harping on the “Antipeonage Act.” Okay. I agree. It should apply. You know and I know that jailing men for child support is nothing less than debtor’s prison. Trouble is, the courts have rationalized and used legal and semantic masturbation to dismiss it. It is not going to work. They are not going to listen to you. They are going to say, “Doesn’t apply, you’re being jailed for contempt, not owing money” wham, bam. It has been argued. It has failed. Time to move on.
There is bias in the courts, and I am not going to say there isn’t. As men, we walk into family court at a disadvantage, and have an obstacle to overcome – in some places a small hop, in others a steep hill, and in some we are uckedfay. (Pig Latin).
But better than half our problems are attitude. Your biggest bias is in how the laws are set up, and in how you think.
As men, our nature is to protect – protect females, protect our young. Forget all the crap about “the female is deadlier than the male” or “lionesses and their cubs.” It’s crap, feel good, make the girl feel better bullshit. We see it over and over; feces hits the fan, women grab kids and run like scared rabbits, and Joe Dweeb the accountant grabs a stick and turns into Conan. It is built into you, hardwired, and reinforced by society.
No? Ask ya something, then. If a man broke a contract with you, and started proceedings to take your stuff, what would you do? Roll over? Or would you hire an attorney and rip his lungs out legally?
What I thought.
Somehow, get puddin-pop the contract breaker trying to steal your kids and your life’s work and savings, and you get all tender, and chivalrous, and say “Okay.” You’ll look like the bad guy. You don’t want to put your kids through it. You don’t want to drag the mother of your kids through it.
Well, why the hell not? She’s doing it to you. Lifetime TV is going to make a movie on how brave she is.
You’ve been schnooked. You’ve been painted into a corner where the only way you won’t “look bad” is to be a doormat and “Yes ma’am” her for the next 20 years. (And you may still look bad.) Any other move, and you’re a rat bastard.
So … be a bitch. It’s why she wins so often. She treats you like the enemy and goes into court to KICK YOUR ASS. Most men go in with some other purpose in mind.
Know what kind of men win? The ones who scream and leap for the throat. Who destroy not only her ability to wage war, but her will to do so.
No, you haven’t been taught to do this. No, you don’t have the “You GO, Grrrrrrrl!” chorus to support you. But guess what?
First time she loses a motion – well – that isn’t in the script.
Hardest thing for men – you need to beat you, first. You need to swallow your pride and get a lawyer – AND DO WHAT THEY SAY. You may have to hunt for a lawyer. The same one who will hint around that she should allege something false and horrible against you will suddenly find ethics if you are the client. You may have to interview a dozen before you find one who will go for the soft underbelly of her. I did in my second marriage.
You need to say no. No, I am not leaving the house – YOU leave. No, you are not taking the kids. No, you are not taking our furniture.
You have to be aware you are now under a microscope and behave accordingly, no matter how unfair it is that you have to behave twice as good as her to get half the regard. No drinking – the police, when she calls them, are going to ask “Have you been drinking?” They are not going to ask “Have you only had two beers over the last three hours?” If you answer yes – they will treat you like someone who is drunk. If you answer no, you are a liar. They will use that as their excuse to haul you off.
She will try to push your buttons. Swallow your pride and let her run her mouth. If you’re not drunk, disorderly, or threatening, they cannot make you leave. They will ask you to. Say “no.” Insist that the kids have their room, clothes, and all that here, school tomorrow, and she’s not getting them out of bed and taking them to Mommy’s. Stick to your guns. You will be badgered.
Have your attorney on speed dial on your cell. Nothing make a cop behave like “I’m an attorney and this is my client…” It strikes fear in their hearts.
This does not acknowledge the system as being “right.” It is wrong. It is messed up badly.
It is also the way it is, and the only game in town. Unless you’re one for a rifle and a Bell Tower, you have to play. Fail to play, and you lose. Again – that is the way it is.
The courts determine only winners and losers. Decide what you want to be. Deal with it. Grow up.
Until the laws get reformed, it is what you have to play with – these are the cards you have been dealt. Changing the system will take time. Probably more than you have if you are reading this in 2007.
It may be done in increments. Don’t be a dumbass like the Libertarians (I am one, so I can say that) and expect total reform instantly or it’s useless.
Adjust your attitude. Chivalry is one thing, but an entitlement of one-sided chivalry is useless. Its day has passed. Let it be buried. This is the age of equality. That means you too, in not having to put up with crap.
Be pragmatic and prioritize, for pity’s sake. Number one: Your kids need their Dad – you are not replaceable. Number two: You need your kids – they are not replaceable. Everything else takes a back seat. Her relationship with them is her problem – doesn’t even hit your list. Your property? Lower. “Getting the bitch?” Dead last. If you’re of a mind to that, it’s not a goal, it’s gravy. Let her do it to herself, and stand back while she ties the rope. Be more worried about being in the position to be magnanimous – then be magnanimous (Not a doormat!). It’ll make you look good, and piss her off.
Let her worry about being stupid then. Like I said, losing isn’t in her script. She will rarely disappoint you.
Our best weapon is taking these things, these unfair laws and attitudes, and turning them around and making them cut the other way. When the teeth of the law start biting women, they will howl for change, and scream “Uncle.” We are going through this in Indiana right now, and I plan to highlight and publicize how the new law – allowing them to seize assets, tax checks, and garnishee wages of live ins for child support – is hurting women. This will inflame public outrage. I will happily use women against feminists. I will happily create more women who see feminism and their man-hatred as dangerous to women. Feminism is already a five-letter word to a lot of the younger generation – I hear five, and I want four.
Men have got to take their power back, and there is no way to do it but to do it. Gents, we are a minority. One the dating scene – for every 10 attached women, there is one floating around free. Know what that does? It gives you power – please me, or there is another who will.
Push for male birth control – and use it. We can stomp out paternity fraud, and trap pregnancies, in one generation. If not for you, for your sons and brothers.
Start filing Title IX suits. Start using “Anti-Discrimination” laws to shut down women-only spaces.
Use the courts. Clog them up. Petition for review of custody, of child support, even if you know things won’t change. Show up. Shut down the machinery of misandry.
You men who have custody – go after deadbeat moms. Make the state – make feminist inspired laws – hurt women. No matter how much it sucks, that is the only way they will pay attention to how draconian the laws are. That is the only way they will review them. I didn’t, and I regret it. No more Mister Nice Guy.
We can break them. We just have to be smart, and stop being stupid.
It can happen to you.
It’s a great life, if you don’t weaken.
They both fought back and won.
The second just a couple months back.
Hemingway wrote novels shorter then this post.
Work on your metaphors.
Some of the best money I ever spent on my brother was helping him with a retainer for a divorce attorney.
Doesn’t make him any smarter, though :/
Here Here.
The guy’s first mistake was not taking charge when she gives him the talk and moves out. Get a lawyer immediately, file for divorce, wish her the best, and start dating better women.
I know of a man in my town whose wife filed for divorce. Seemed he wanted her to quit doing drugs for the sake of their 3 year old son.
First court hearing, she didn’t show and he got temporary custody. Second hearing she showed, high as a kite on Crystal Meth.
Man has full custody with supervised visitation for the “mom” only. He was supposed to get child support but she has disappeared and he really doesn’t need the money anyway.
Don’t be so beepin’ petty. This is not an entry in a contest for best essay style. This is a don’t-be-stupid-men plea. It’s one of the fittest I’ve seen on FR. Incidentally, I heard from one father’s rights attorney on a talk show that much of his business is secured by females — relatives of the stupid man being hosed. Not stupid for being hosed, but stupid for thinking they can romance or sweet talk their way out of the difficulty.
Let me add another caveat that the OP did not: Do not have sex till you’re married.
I think it depends on the situation.
My sister is getting a divorce right now from her alcoholic, cheating husband. She was a wonderful wife and mother.
She has the right to the entire house because she has the kids and He left the state to live and work somewhere else.
but she decided to be nice about it and offered to split the proceeds of the house sale 50/50.
he comes back and offers her 30K for a house that is worth 130k.....she counter offers with 40k and HE WON’T GO FOR IT!!!
what an ASS!!!! She could take the whole thing but no, thats not good enough for him! She’s the one with 3 kids to raise on her own and his income hasnt changed at all. She needs to put a new roof over her families head and he expects her to take that kind of screwin????
Men are just as greedy and assholy as women. There is no way that I feel one bit sorry for men in the divorce arena.
sometimes women get screwed big time too!!!!
By the time the lawyers get done they will all be screwed.
One of the reasons why I never married was because I haven’t met a woman that I felt I could trust with the “forever” part of the Marriage OATH. (The other reason is that I am forced to live in Seattle and most ‘women’ here are lesbo/Marxist/militant-feminist).
My most sincere condolances go out to all Gents who have done the right and honorable things and have been shafted for their troubles....there are a great many of you, if my experience is any judge. May God Bless You.
In my opinion, not very useful statements. Here's a better: Humans are flawed. We make bad choices. It's our nature.
If people paid more attention to religion, and tried to act the way the Bible says they ought to act, then the amount of heartache in the world would be greatly reduced. There really is no other way to make life better.
But even then, not all the heartache will disappear. Because humans are flawed. We make bad choices. It's our nature.
Great post. I have friends who have gone through this.
Of course they do. But the real issue is the way the laws are stacked against men.
The fallacy in your logic is in going from the micro to the macro. Which is generally the case when one relies on anecdotal examples as evidence. Has no bearing on the inequality of the current laws. The fact that your sister is not taking advantage of the biased laws does not negate their inequality. You sister is acting foolish. That's her responsibility.
You have presented some of the best advice I have seen.
The law is anything but moral.
I’m a woman, and I agree with this guy 100%. Men need to be MEN and defend their castle and fight for their offspring. They also need to be entirely more selective in who they MARRY in the first place.
99% of these women give the 1% of us who are “More Precious Than Rubies” a bad name. (Proverbs 3:15)
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