Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

DUmmie FUnnies 09-18-06 ("Yesterday, I Bought a Gun")
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | September 18, 2006 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

Posted on 09/18/2006 6:06:49 PM PDT by PJ-Comix

Remember the movie, The American President? It was standard liberal claptrap written by Aaron ("West Wing") Sorkin. The climax of this forgettable flick was a chip-on-the-shoulder speech by President Andrew Shepherd in which he strongly supported the banning of assault weapons and handguns. That was unquestioned liberal orthodoxy eleven years ago when that movie was made. However, it now appears that the Left has not only ditched the gun control shtick but now actively advocates arming themselves. Not against criminals but to fight against EVIL Republicans. They have even recently embraced the movie, "Red Dawn" which has until recently been denounced as a rightwing flick. Now the DUmmies are embracing this movie as a blueprint for their own imagined survivalist struggle against the Republicans where they fantasize themselves as leftwing Wolverines. This complete change in attitude towards guns can be seen in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Yesterday, I Bought a Gun." So let us now join the DUmmies as they fantasize themselves as leftist gunslingers in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wearing a bullet-proof vest, is in the [brackets]:

Yesterday, I Bought a Gun.

[WOLVERINES!!!]

It's a nice .223 mod. What did I buy it for you ask? Protection, nope. Hunting, nope. Harm to Others, Nope. I bought it for the day in my life when a war comes to my backdoor. I plan to keep it safe and very secure from my family and never intend to use it until either the Republican Army or the christians come knocking on my door.

[Of course, this DUmmie doesn't even consider the possibility of a struggle with ACTUAL Muslim terrorists.]

With that said, if they come with hostility, I'll blow their kneecaps off.

[First you have to learn how to aim.]

However, what if this "conflict" never happens, what will I do with this gun? It's simple, I'll be buried with it and a copy of the Constitution because that's what its all about, loving your country, and making sure you and yours are safe.

[You'll be buried under a pile of empty pizza cartons in a testament to your useless life in mommy's basement. Perhaps a friend will ennoble your pathetic existence by setting fire to those pizza cartons to give you a faux Viking funeral.]

For when the sword is mighter than the pen, you will live to see another day.

[Is that from "The Two Towers" or "Return of the King?"]

PS, I hope there are some ammo stores availabe during the apocolypse. Oh wait, we'll have the big black L on our shoulder so we won't be able to buy ammo.

[Even worse, you won't be able to buy toilet paper.]

They steal another election and we'll all be buying guns.

[You can then shoot yourself with a paintgun.]

I'm just saying that another round of Republican rule and we'll all have to become survivalists, 'cuz they don't seem to understand their responsibility to the public when catastrophe hits.

[Can you survive without order out pizza for a week?]

Hey, I'll tell you one other thing, there's a hippy farm about 30 miles from where I live. Hell I'll just head down there. The feds never mess with their "Hemp" production.

[Smoke all the hemp you want. Why change your lifestyle?]

Russian soldiers refused to fire on their countrymen... ---- And American soldiers, except for a few nutcases, will do so, too. In fact, it is highly unlikely that the Pentagon would follow the neocons down the path to military dictatorship. Not everyone is as crazy as the PNAC. ---- But just for the record, the American population is just about the best-armed civilian population on Earth. Those attempting to enforce widespread martial law would be faced off against 30-40 million armed Americans,.... who, after the first week, would have M-16's, too. ---- Thomas Jefferson could scarcely have imagined where history and technology would lead, but he understood human nature. 2nd amendment gun rights are not about hunting or recreation.

[I'm tempted to make the LOUSY FREEPER TROLL accusation but now I'm not so sure since the DUmmies have done a big one-eighty on the topic of gun control when they started thinking they would have to fight the EVIL Republicans.]

As far as a personal arsenal goes, I'd recommend one handgun (concealable defensive weapon,) one 12 gauge shotgun, and one rifle such as an AR-15, Kalashnikov, M-1 Garand or SKS.

[A DUmmie munitions expert weighs in.]

JOIN THE NRA NOW!!!!.....AND SHOW Them that libs and progressives beleieve in the right to bare arms.....

[Benburch believes in the right to bare buttocks.]

Lets satrt the DRA !!!

[DUmmie Rifle Association.]

But, at this point in time, there are other things to be concerned about and plan for. For instance, there's no doubt the blog-o-sphere has hurt these bastards. What happens if they decide to take it down under the guise of some free market bullshit? We all KNOW the corporate media hates the competition. One day DU just doesn't come up anymore. What multiplies our strength is the ability to communicate and get the truth out. It would be prudent to have other options available, wouldn't it ?

[Don't worry. I told Karl Rove to keep the blog-o-sphere up and running since you DUmmies are such a rich source for DUFU comedy material.]

Yep, and if you're going to use your gun to fight fascists, those fascists are likely to be in the form of a SWAT team, so you'll want to aim for the head, as the torso will be heavily armored.

[And of course the fascists that this DUmmie means are EVIL Republicans, not actual Islamofascist terrorists.]

I used to be adamantly anti-gun. No more. I haven't bought a gun yet, but I've thought about it.

[Especially after watching the "V For Vendetta" fantasy.]

I recently bought one too... It's a nice .40cal Ruger Semi-Auto, and it scares the living hell out of me. I've taken it out the the shooting range a few times now and there are no questions that it will obliterate anything unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end. I hope to God that never happens, but I'm starting to feel a sense of security when I think about the fundamentalist nut jobs taking to the streets to bring us all to Jesus... If you start pushing your religious ideology on the rest of us, or dicking around with our civil rights, you'd best skip my place...

[Another DUmmie apparently unaware of the proclivities of REAL LIFE decapitating Islamofascist terrorists. Instead he lives in a "V For Vendetta" dreamworld.]

i am also armed with a .223 M4 carbine. The perfect CQB weapon next to the MP5, but can 'reach out and touch someone' effectively at 300 meters. You may want a sidearm too, a 9mm or .45ACP, as a last ditch defense or for a suicide out in a no-win worst case scenario. In these insane times its a sane choice to have a service weapon to defend your home. It's what's commonly referred to an STHF scenario, or Shit Hit The Fan, when society collapses into turmoil from civil unrest, catastrophic disasters, tyrannical government, religious fanatics, or zombies rising from the dead.

[I recommend you go straight to that suicide scenario from the get-go.]

As for the Microwave units that will undoubtedly be used against the populace at some point, since we're all guinea pigs to them anyway, bring a roll of TIN FOIL, drop it to the ground as you hang onto the free end of the roll in front of your body - creating a shield, and not only will it offer some protection, it will also play havoc with the unit sending the microwaves, especially if a BUNCH of people aimed the waves right back at them.

[And don't forget to roll that tinfoil into the shape of a hat to wear on your head.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: 2a; 2ndamendment; bang; banglist; democrats; dummies; guns; nra; rkba; secondamendment; tinfoil
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-80 ... 181-200 next last
To: PJ-Comix

This is hilarious! How often do we sit around thinking, "Oh my! I better buy a gun in case a Leftist or an athiest shows up on my doorstep!"?


21 posted on 09/18/2006 6:22:27 PM PDT by HungarianGypsy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix

This has to be a FREEPER-TROLL, I can't believe even DUmmies are this stupid . ROTFLMAO. If these are your typical air-head america listeners, It's no wonder that outfit went belly-up.


22 posted on 09/18/2006 6:23:08 PM PDT by YankeeReb
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix

Good Lord, these people are nuts.

This sort of thread, in which posters remind others to "aim for the head" when the SWAT team shows up, would last about a minute on FR.


23 posted on 09/18/2006 6:23:39 PM PDT by denydenydeny
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix

24 posted on 09/18/2006 6:24:39 PM PDT by NYpeanut (gulping for air, I started crying and yelling at him, "Why did you lie to me?")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix
With that said, if they come with hostility, I'll blow their kneecaps off.

[First you have to learn how to aim.]

FPS Doug says:


25 posted on 09/18/2006 6:24:45 PM PDT by MikefromOhio ("...America has confronted evil before, and we have defeated it...")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix
One of the things thats always disturbed me, and made me wonder, was the amount of Pro 2nd amendment rights zeal over in Dummyland

Ahhh whelst. I suspose even they arent dumb enough to toss away a basic right to defense.


26 posted on 09/18/2006 6:25:59 PM PDT by mylife (the roar of masses could be farts)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Harmless Teddy Bear
This dude is not playing with a full deck.

A DUmmie with a gun is one of two things; either a fish with a bicycle, to quote the old cliche, or one of the best excuses for gun control.

For the record I am not in favor of gun control, but it does bother me that there are so many unhinged people running around, DUmmies and non-DUmmie mooners, so full of Hate, that someone sometime is bound to get hurt.

Imagine, for example, that one "professor," that woman from Oregon or Arizona or whatever, running around with a gun.

27 posted on 09/18/2006 6:26:02 PM PDT by franksolich (the bell tolls for thee, the bell tolls for Fat Che)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix
Oh wait, we'll have the big black L on our shoulder so we won't be able to buy ammo.

"L" for...loser?

28 posted on 09/18/2006 6:29:39 PM PDT by prairiebreeze (No religion demands so much of it's members and so little of itself, than islam.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix
Funny you should post this right now. I was just in the DUmp reading this thread and thinking, "PJ oughta do this one." I used to have these sort of fantasies when Red Dawn first came out. I was ten years old. These are supposedly grown adults (some with children). Sad, just sad.
29 posted on 09/18/2006 6:29:57 PM PDT by Welsh Rabbit
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Harmless Teddy Bear; franksolich

Aren't there laws about psychos like these buying guns?


30 posted on 09/18/2006 6:30:46 PM PDT by darkangel82 (Higher visibility leads to greater zottability.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix
If only we can convince Noo Yawk and Jersey Dems to adopt such a position. The hoplophobia around here is nauseating, especially as Monkey-boy Cuomo has made it a campaign issue.

Luckily, I am well armed from my days in Florida and Washington.

BTW: The secret to crashing weddings is a warm smile and a wink for the mother of the bride.

31 posted on 09/18/2006 6:32:52 PM PDT by Clemenza (Dave? Dave?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix
Oh wait, we'll have the big black L on our shoulder. . . .

L For Lunkheaded.

32 posted on 09/18/2006 6:33:50 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Be sure to wear your Guy Fawkes mask.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix
With that said, if they come with hostility, I'll blow their kneecaps off.

Idiot. If anyone comes after him (her?) odds are they'll be shooting to kill. And this DUfus is going to be just trying to hurt 'em.

Yeah.... That's good. Shoot 'em in the knees. They'll just take your head off from the prone position.

33 posted on 09/18/2006 6:36:05 PM PDT by Celtjew Libertarian ("Don't take life so seriously. You'll never get out of it alive." -- Bugs Bunny)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix
With that said, if they come with hostility, I'll blow their kneecaps off.

Dumbass, if you say you'll never practice and then claim you can shoot someone in the knees when they're moving and you're emotional, you've got another thing coming. More likely, you'll grab it and point it towards their general vicinity and maybe get a round off before you're shot in your center of mass or in the head. As if your ludicrous scenario would ever come to pass. Dumbass. More likely, you'll have your head cut off by Muslims as you feel smug and tell yourself that you're a very tolerant person and that you aren't judging them.

34 posted on 09/18/2006 6:36:56 PM PDT by MichiganConservative (Government IS the problem.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix
This thread just begs for this picture....


35 posted on 09/18/2006 6:39:31 PM PDT by darkwing104 (Let's get dangerous)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix
... never intend to use it until either the Republican Army or the christians come knocking on my door.

I wonder what dumbass will do when the Jehovah's Witnesses come knocking on the door? Menace them with it? This dumbass is delusional and possibly dangerous.

36 posted on 09/18/2006 6:41:14 PM PDT by MichiganConservative (Government IS the problem.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix
Hey, I'll tell you one other thing, there's a hippy farm about 30 miles from where I live.

WHERE HAVE ALL THE HIPPIES GONE?
Tune: "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?"

Where have all the hippies gone?
Strong weed grassing
Where have all the hippies gone?
Wrong kind to grow
Where have all the hippies gone?
Up in smoke, man, every one
What won't they roll and burn?
What won't they roll and burn?

Where have all the hippies gone?
Stoned eyes glassing
Where have all the hippies gone?
Bong pipe aglow
Where have all the hippies gone?
In Mom's basement every one
When will they work and earn?
When will they work and earn?

Where have all the hippies gone?
Long wind gassing
Where have all the hippies gone?
Yawn typed to go
Where have all the hippies gone?
Gone to DU every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

37 posted on 09/18/2006 6:41:52 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (The wag tailoring the doggerel)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Charles Henrickson

LOL!


38 posted on 09/18/2006 6:43:24 PM PDT by darkangel82 (Higher visibility leads to greater zottability.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 37 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix
Hell I'll just head down there. The feds never mess with their "Hemp" production.

Is that you, Willie Nelson?

39 posted on 09/18/2006 6:43:29 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson ("On the weed again. . . .")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Clemenza
The secret to crashing weddings is a warm smile and a wink for the mother of the bride.

Are you speaking from experience?

40 posted on 09/18/2006 6:44:32 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 31 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-80 ... 181-200 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson