Messages from the Outer Darkness

[snerkel]

This thread is a place for those desiring to communicate with xzins (aka the xzins-master) via his chosen vessel -- Clear Channel Woody.

Please, respect all religions AND always say "please" and "thank you."

[Corin Stormhands]

Is X-M channeling out of Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone?"

[drstevej]

Isn't the "Outer Darkness" right next door to the "Hobbit Hole"???

[Revelation 911]

, "that I have gone beyond knowing and have myself entered into the peepstone. As they stare at the stone the eyes staring back will not be their own."

Woody,

If youre not too busy between malt beverages today, please let spiritus xzins know that I apologize for using it as a coaster - It wasnt labeled well when I got my worship kit and my wife surmised its use incorrectly. I note the xzins book of wisdom (also included in 3 ring binder form) had movable type - will there be an update? (Im missing all the "thou"'s too)

thank you

I did find the worry beads and appreciate thier inclusion in the kit. I frankly though was hoping for the worship doll (with flailing arms and kung fu grip), as my application had clearly indicated same.

most reverently, rev

[Corin Stormhands]

You have to cross the Plains of Rohan to get to Mordor...

[Revelation 911]

Woody,

this is the one - but with king fu tithing grip

[JesseShurun]

CCWoody, The Clear Channel originates in Florida, loops thru Utah, and bounces off the Crystal Cathedral into John Travolta's empty skull, and emanates earthward from whereever his private jet happens to be flying. So you might have to occasionally twist the coat hangar to receive the transmissions.

Does guru master X do the hokey-pokey in the outer darkness or is it passe?

[Revelation 911]

bounces off the Crystal Cathedral into John Travolta's empty skull,

OMG LOL - lunch on the keyboard

[Nataku X]

Clear Channel Woody, can you please ask the great Xzins-Master for advice?

My dog ran away, my boyfriend turned gay, my mother came down with Swahalian Spotted Jungle Flu, my uncle defected to the French army, my brother is a warmonger and an unprogressive Bush supporter, my father participated in an anti-peace march, and my sister got ran over by a bulldozer protecting the poor Palestians last week. But, worst of all, Suzi the cheerleader said that my new blouse makes me look fat. How can I survive this humilation?

Thank you! ;)

[JesseShurun]

CCWoody, Could you please ask Clearmaster X about my friend? He was an elder in our org when a god started speaking to him, saying why wait until you are dead, get virgins now! I know the bible says we should obey God, not man, but can you ask the Zenmaster if he knows where my friend can get a translation that says" We should obey a god and not man?" Thanks. (By the way, this friend is not me and does not live in Utah or travel to San Diego in the winter months)

[JesseShurun]

One last question, CCWoody and I'll go watch those wacky Iraquis surrender: Could you please ask the X-Zen master that I have been shooting silver bullets at the Zamzummin, but since I have been using old dental amalgams I find in landfills, could the accuracy of the trajectory be compromised by the mercury or is it just inherent to the rate of twist? I have been shooting at them for weeks it seems and all I do is wing them. Are any out there in the outer darkness with you now? If they are gnashing their teeth and if it looks like they need fillings, I have a big supply. Does UPS deliver to the Outer Darkness? Thanks

[CCWoody]

My dog ran away, my boyfriend turned gay, my mother came down with Swahalian Spotted Jungle Flu, my uncle defected to the French army, my brother is a warmonger and an unprogressive Bush supporter, my father participated in an anti-peace march, and my sister got ran over by a bulldozer protecting the poor Palestians last week. But, worst of all, Suzi the cheerleader said that my new blouse makes me look fat. How can I survive this humilation? ~ Nakatu X

Using the peepstone, the Xzins-Master has the following vision of Nakatu X:



Little Nakatu, take heart. Your dog is an infidel and you are way too much woman for your ex. He was obviously emasculated before he met you. Your mother will recover and your Uncle will soon victoriously lead a massive surrender of Iraqi troops. Your brother is right and your father has been unchained from the building he wrongly locked himself against. He is sheepish and realizes he was wrong. I cannot help with your sister, but you might try the new Pam undies (check FRmail for the pic).

Your friendly neighborhood Clear Channel
Woody.

P.S. The great one wants to know where you are?

[Wrigley]

The great channeler missed the most important part of Nakatu's question.

But, worst of all, Suzi the cheerleader said that my new blouse makes me look fat. How can I survive this humilation?

Don't leave us hanging. This is important.

[ksen]

Oh (C)lear (C)hannel Woody. Would you ask X-M if my Superman underoos are enough to keep me out of the outer darkness, or should I upgrade to Iron Man?

[Wrigley]

The official word will come from (C)lear (C)hannel Woody, but in my opinion, Iron Man underoos chaffs. And unless you have 'em made of lead, the protection is minimal.

[Elsie]

...my father participated in an anti-peace march....

Free the Stepford Three!

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Is THIS the sign he was carrying at the time?

[restornu]

Surprice to know you are also CCW!

[JesseShurun]

what happened to sickbay? and is that a journal in your discourse or are you just unhappy to see me?

[JesseShurun]

There's a sale at deseret thrift-- the good news is they're kevlar, the bad news is there's skid marks

[CCWoody]

CCWoody, Could you please ask Clearmaster X about my friend? He was an elder in our org when a god started speaking to him, saying why wait until you are dead, get virgins now! I know the bible says we should obey God, not man, but can you ask the Zenmaster if he knows where my friend can get a translation that says" We should obey a god and not man?" Thanks. (By the way, this friend is not me and does not live in Utah or travel to San Diego in the winter months) ~ JesseShurun

The Xzins-Master speaks:

"From within the peepstone I see all and I see right through your facade Jesse. You stand with your friend in the desert advertising to start your own cult."

One last question, CCWoody and I'll go watch those wacky Iraquis surrender: Could you please ask the X-Zen master that I have been shooting silver bullets at the Zamzummin, but since I have been using old dental amalgams I find in landfills, could the accuracy of the trajectory be compromised by the mercury or is it just inherent to the rate of twist? I have been shooting at them for weeks it seems and all I do is wing them. Are any out there in the outer darkness with you now? If they are gnashing their teeth and if it looks like they need fillings, I have a big supply. Does UPS deliver to the Outer Darkness?

"The outer darkness is wonderful. Out here we call it the free speech zone. As soon as I get done playing in the peepstone, I plan on talking with Mark Twain. I taunts you from it."

Your friendly neighborhood Clear Channel
Woody.

[JesseShurun]

"From within the peepstone I see all and I see right through your facade Jesse. You stand with your friend in the desert advertising to start your own cult."

Dang it, now I'll have to go underground.